Family Trips

SGBV · Jun 1, 2016

Rihana said: ↑

Eh? If one is Indian, and something is fairly common practice, then one loses the right to ask for something different?
Nope... But pick your battle is what I have suggested here. Spending just a night during a family vacation is fairly not something serious to be fussed about. There are so much, common in Indian families to fight/argue or even fuss about.
In OP's case, the fuss was more about "missing the spark" in her family life. Apparently, she was hoping for a good intimacy night with her husband. She was clearly fussed for this particular reason. Her battle is reasonable.
But frankly the problem was not about sharing the room. My response was all about sharing the room as indicated in her OP.

Well, we give up water and use toilet paper, why not give up one more Indian thing?
Again, you chose what to give up... rather than giving up something for it is INDIAN.

So, only physical or nasal incompatibility is acceptable reason to fuss? Mental incompatibility isn't? Surprising how you are making a checklist that you say is applicable to all.
I did not say my check-list should be applicable to all. There are tolerance limits, and not everyone can tolerate everything. However, something like physical, nasal or even something similar to them are generally an acceptable reasons for lack of tolerance. Mental incompatibility is worth, but unless there is a serious issue between the other person who is sharing the room with you, I wouldn't see it as a huge problem for that one night stand. That too in a family trip, where you are spending almost all the duration of your trip with that person.
However I shared my perception here. I hope others too do the same. If you or OP feel it is not applicable, you can agree to disagree. There is no force that you must agree with me.

So it gets written in stone? What about wife's idea of fun and wife's view of what cost is worth cutting?
Wife's idea and her concerns must be considered. However, one should be able to find a middle ground to attain happiness in any relationship. Marriage is all about compromises. You must see where you can compromise, instead of making a list of things as to who compromise on what.

Wholesale assumptions. People go out for many reasons. Not every one, and not every trip is for using the room just to crash and sleep.
True... People go on trip to stay quit and do nothing too. But I spoke about general cases. Again, if OP has a different agenda, she is free to leave my suggestion. There is no force.
I am not sure how you advice in relationship forums... Whether wholesale assumptions or individual case assessments given the fact, we all have limited info about the poster and her case.

It is one thing to share rooms in a house during occasion like wedding or when there are many guests. Another when out of the home.
OH... I did not know this..
I thought sharing your house during any functions is also Indian thing, that you American people who use toilet papers won't do that. If you think sharing house during family occasions are ok, then that is also a wholesale assumption.

Never ceases tamaze me how the Indian woman is forever expected to adjust except if there is clear and present danger to her life. Her sanity is often considered dispensable.

Not really... I have even expected my own husband and men in general to compromise/adjust for a successful marriage life. There is no rule that only women should adjust. We must see which is the easiest, beneficial and practical adjustment.. then we must adjust in accordance with the family's peace. Don't bring gender into these simplest matters. If you do so, women will lose their respect soon
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kcb · Jun 1, 2016

abla said: ↑

who is really dying here to bond with MIL ?
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No one

I just added some funny note to OP's comment, that's it......I really didn't mean it. In fact where ever we go, I prefer to stay with my DH.....I cannot imagine myself sharing my room with some one else especially in a holiday unless the situation and circumstances forces me to stay away from him.....

desichica · Jun 1, 2016

My apologies for leaving out big piece of info in my original post.

livingitup · Jun 1, 2016

IMO, if kids are involved its recommended to get separate rooms... if not.. just let it go.

generic · Jun 1, 2016

Well said @Rihana
Op, from now on do Not agree to go on family trips during memorable occasions like birthday, anniversary etc.
For such occasions plan intimate trips to romantic destination, just the 2 of u..and enjoy re igniting the spark..
Later on you and husband can plan such small trip with the rest of the family, and you may not feel that bad about sleeping in separate rooms..
Marriage is all about give and take..your husband should take you for a some romantic outings and holidays now and then, then you will not be so frustrated and will be quite agreeable to sharing rooms and lack of privacy etc in family trips.
Not having any vacations or outings as a couple and maintaining intimacy but expecting the wife to just tag along for family outings happily is quite unfair .
Also , bonding with your husband is more important than bonding with MIL, BIL, cousins etc...
Aged people like in laws and relatives will not understand your frustrations w.r.t intimacy and personal life etc as its your personal matter.., you have to make sure that you communicate with ur DH and get what you need.

Rihana · Jun 2, 2016

desichica said: ↑

My apologies for leaving out big piece of info in my original post.
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So, you all live together in U.S.? Or MIL and DH's cousin visiting from India?

desichica · Jun 2, 2016

Rihana said: ↑

So, you all live together in U.S.? Or MIL and DH's cousin visiting from India?
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We live with in-laws. Cousin lives close by, and comes over for movie/sports once a week at least.

Rihana · Jun 2, 2016

desichica said: ↑

We live with in-laws. Cousin lives close by, and comes over for movie/sports once a week at least.
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Hmm... then, kind of bad that you guys haven't gone out overnight just the two of you, since 3 years. Weekend trips are so doable in the U.S.

PepperPot · Jun 2, 2016

SGBV said: ↑

Mental incompatibility is worth, but unless there is a serious issue between the other person who is sharing the room with you, I wouldn't see it as a huge problem for that one night stand.
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I love this

desichica · Jun 2, 2016

Rihana said: ↑

Hmm... then, kind of bad that you guys haven't gone out overnight just the two of you, since 3 years. Weekend trips are so doable in the U.S.
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generic said: ↑

Well said @Rihana
Marriage is all about give and take..your husband should take you for a some romantic outings and holidays now and then, then you will not be so frustrated and will be quite agreeable to sharing rooms and lack of privacy etc in family trips.

Aged people like in laws and relatives will not understand your frustrations w.r.t intimacy and personal life etc as its your personal matter.., you have to make sure that you communicate with ur DH and get what you need.
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Overall, he is really sweet. Everything else is ok as long as its not about intimacy or dates or romantic getaways. If you look from outside, you will not see any issues. I try not to make big deal about it, but the frustration comes out every now and then.