'firangi' Bahu. Need Tips.

It really gets me so angry that some of these women get a birth right to taunt ,behave rudely to their dils just because they happen to give birth to a boy.Worst part is that women in our culture are just expected to be bear with this like some never ending labour pain .
Even having a good career with a big pay check doesn't seem to make much difference to the situation.


Op...how about letting her know your opinion for a start.
If she criticizes your cooking...tell her this is the way we like it. Emphasize on the 'we'It sends a message that you are a different person from her and that you and your husband constitute a different family.

If she talks rudely about your weight and fertility issue....tell her she is being extremely rude and cruel and that a woman with so much experience is expected to behave better.


Stop sending the cheques home for a few months.Tell her you are planning to take her advice and planning to pick up a much less paying job...hence cannot send money freely like before.Let people realize the value of your hard work to make their life easier.

 

@Luxczz,
I just read your post n figured out that u said - --u r the main bread-winner--Is that so ?

Is your hubby earning less than u?.....Well, if he is earning little bit less than u, then it won't matter but if he is earning significantly less than u, then u can have a say in financial matters as to how much should go in supporting his family n then his family wouldn't be able to trouble u even a bit as they would understand that the money to pay their bills would come from u/DIL n not their son !!

 

@dia3 so if a wife is earning significantly less than the husband or nothing at all she has no say?
@OP...dont bring in ur earning potential in an argument..its a slippery slope.

 

Absolutely true, I find that if the spouse earns significantly higher they are able to call the shots, it is a sad state of affairs but that is the truth.

 

We are not talking about what "is” but what “should” be . Framing ones arguments based on anything less than fair to fix an issue that is already clearly in the wrong opens u up to a situation when the argument holds no water...…it could come back and bite you.

 

@justanothergirl, I used to feel the same way too, that one should not base their arguments on the earnings, but I am seeing around me, it is not even the amount that matters frankly, if one of the spouses is able to project that they are earning significantly higher because they are "smarter"... it is not based on what you and I think. OP's husband has no objection, the reason being OP is in a good position and he knows he cannot argue with her on that basis. But I am pretty sure that somewhere inside there will be some dissatisfaction on this account. It may not come to the fore now but someday it will. It is better OP get some household help - again this is because OP is in an advantageous position. Had she been earning less, I don't think there would be any talk about this, she would have to compromise. Period. Of course, OP should NOT base her arguments on that basis as you mentioned, but she can indirectly point out to that fact.

 

----------nm

 

Hi Sorry to read about your problems, I understand, though I have been blessed with a really good relationship with my MIL until she passed away. You really need to have ground rules for your MIL visits. This needs to be addressed by your husband. You are working hard and don't need the stress. Childbearing is a two way street, it is not right to set the blame on one partner. Look for people who can do home catering. In London there are people of all origins and ethnicities and you will find plenty of housewives/homemakers who will be happy to send you a tiffin for the months that your MIL is visiting. Your husband needs to speak out with his mother and tell her that both of you need the wages that you are both bringing in and a change of careers is not an option at the moment. If she has such a problem with the flavor of the food, perhaps she can take the time out to teach you the nuances of Gujerati cooking? I know a Goan lady who is married to a Gujerati, and she cooks awesome Gujerati food because her MIL taught her to cook the food that her son would like to eat. That is a good MIL.

 

hmm.. Only if I can understand how you are trying to help OP