1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Mother In Law Stress!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Anshi123, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. Anshi123

    Anshi123 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello Friends,

    I loved all the posts in this forum especially regarding MILs. I can resonate with you all cuz my mil is a monster in law herself! Now she is here with us for 40 days along with fil! In the past she has hurt me so much to the extent I developed anxiety for months..She has said so many cheap things which I can never forget or forgive!! She went to the extent of telling me that I belong to her family now and don't have any rights on my parents anymore and it will be my dads brothers son who has rights on my parents when they are gone( I'm the only child)..She is a psycho cuz she hurts me like this and then talks to me like nothing happened..she mentioned she wanted to be close to me.. She is the no 1 reason for stress in my marriage! She calls DH everyday twice..! I tried to fight with my husband many times abt the things his mom said but he never seems to get it..I even think of divorce many times!
    This time my parents sent couriers 4 salwars and 2 shirts but my mil only gave me 2 salwars and said my dad only sent this much! My dad sent courier worth 2.8 kilos but I got less than half a kilo! I told my DH and he mentioned he will ask but he seems to conviniently forget it..I showed the pics of the cloths my dad sent to him..how can anyone do such cheap things?I have so much anger but I'm trying hard to be nice to those idiots cuz I want to maintain my peace of mind! How can I confront my mil abt the missing cloths? How can I prove her cheapness to my husband?

    Thanks in advance
     
    Loading...

  2. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,197
    Likes Received:
    1,442
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Forget about the clothes.
    Your husband will not ask his mom about it
    In the 40 days she stays with you,try to be normal and emotionally detached from her
     
  3. bliss5

    bliss5 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello
    Tell her that your father sent 4 salwars n 2 kurtas ........ask her directly , "where are the remaining ones"........and do this in absence of FIL and DH. Then depending upon her response......change your response as well. She will not accept ...you sat that we are going to complaint about the courier service how can things can be lost in transit!!! Tell her that my dad will also launch FIR.....they weer very precious and dear to us....
    Tell her in Bold voice that I am not going to spare the thief.
    She must feel the terror......atleast terrorize her
     
    sindmani, guesshoo, sumalynux and 3 others like this.
  4. aishu0001

    aishu0001 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello,

    I see a bigger problem about your MIL controlling and making sure that she has her way. I think you should keep reminding her that your parents need to be equally respected and most people don't get it :shakehead: Hopefully the 40 days passes by quick.
     
  5. maya9876

    maya9876 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Op,

    That is very malicious of her if she is intentionally withholding what is supposed to a loving gift from your parents. Hugs to you.
    If I were you I would ask her openly that mom said they sent 4 salwars, where are the other two? Dont ask your dh to come in between. It is going to be awkward for him to ask his mom about your gifts from your parents. In future, tell your parents to courier things to you directly, no point in using MIL's help for anything as she seems too controlling when it comes to your maternal family. It will be expensive but at least you will get all the items and it will save you this distress.
    About all the things you MIL has said to you, example: 'you have no right over your parents' etc, just ignore it. Just because she is saying it doesnt mean you have to act according to her wishes. You are a grown woman and you can do what you need to.
    For the 40 days they are there, treat them formal, do your duties but dont go above and beyond. Dont take on more than what is needed. Goodluck to you, hope these 40 days go by quick.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2016
  6. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,736
    Likes Received:
    3,283
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear OP,

    Don't try to prove anything to your DH, the more you talk to him about your MIL the more problems arises between you and your DH. You handle your MIL on your own, never complain about your MIL to your DH. How much ever she is bad, she is your DH's mother, so he is not going to 100% change his views about his mom.

    Few Tips:

    1. Next time when your dad calls you, put the phone in the speaker, let your dad directly ask your DH about the shirts he sent, like did he liked the shirts / colors? And let him ask you whether you liked all 4 salwars he sent for you. Then you can tell him that you just received only 2 salwars. Do this in your FIL & MIL & DH's presence. Do this conversation in the presence of everyone. Then no one can blame you including your DH, and truth comes out.
    2. You directly handle your MIL.
    3. Try not to let any problems affect your marriage, your marriage is your priority, so handle with tactic.
    4. Be nice with your DH, don't let your MILs politics spoil your relation with your husband.

    Good Luck.
     
  7. Justanotherwife

    Justanotherwife IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    657
    Likes Received:
    2,414
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Couldn't have said it better :clap2:
     
  8. Anshi123

    Anshi123 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks everyone for your support! I mentioned this to my husband and he asked his mom but she acted like there was nothing more! Funnily I have the courier slip from India post (my parents sent) which clearly says my dad sent was 2.9 kgs worth of stuff while my mil got only 1 kg worth of stuff ! I weighed it! She went to the cheap extend of promising on her only son that this is it!!!! Also abt the things she hurt me in the past I brought it up and asked her how can she ever talk to me like that..I mentioned that nobody has rights on me n my parents are my life..I was so strong that she got freaked out! Funnily she has bitched abt me to her sister n I got the info from her sisters dil so I brought it up to my husband..he stood up for me for the first time..I also made my mil realize that I'm stronger person n I don't need anyone to support me n I'm stronger in my own n told her I can't stand discrimination! I'm sure she will plan to take me down n looking for Opportunites but I know I a haven't done anything bad to anyone so I'm willing to face her head on!! No more fear!! I'm done with being the victim! I do a lot of work at home but don't go above and beyond for them or I willbe their slave forever! Thanks for all the support everyone! I guess too many wounds n hurt will make u stronger with time..Be Bold and never bend down!
     
  9. shameema

    shameema Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear friend,
    I agree with the statement by "justanotherwife"". The more you say the more he tries to protect his mother. Men are men.
     

Share This Page