Am I a heartless daughter?

smart_soul · Jul 8, 2009

It was a Sunday morning when my brother’s friend chatted with me on GTalk and said that he spoke to my brother and my bro wants me to call him on his cell soon. This kind of message passing happens very often between us. And now that there are more than one family functions coming our way, I had asked my mom to buy a particular color saree for my daughter’s 1st birthday function for me because I will be landing just 2 days before the function. All that is in my mind when calling them is ‘Was amma able to find that particular color that I wanted’?

My dad picked the phone. His voice was dull and I asked.. ‘Appa.. How are you? Did you just wake up?’ Appa said..“hmm.. we are in Madurai now. Amma met with a ‘small’ fire accident. So we have admitted her in the hospital”.. I froze.. “Amma was lying unconscious with burns when I came back from work”.. My breath stopped for a minute. Appa couldn’t talk more. My brother took over to console me and my dad. My brother next..” Amma is stable now”.. which means what? I can’t express how I felt when I heard this.. It was NOT a relief sign to a bit.

My mom… Everything for me.. my mother, my best friend, my mentor, my teacher, my everything….. now.. in the hospital in ICU with 2nd degree burns.. The gas cylinder had exploded.. God.. I’ve never heard of such a case to anyone..what will I do. My heart is racing.. I’m confused.. I’m trying not to cry and stay calm but in vain…

I’m all packed to leave. I had blocked the tickets for tomorrow morning. But everyone in the family is against me coming there now.. Just because I’ll be coming with my 11 months old for the first time. And my baby has intense skin conditions – “Dust and heat and water in Madurai will not be good for the baby and what if she falls sick after coming here? And further kutti had pneumonia a few weeks back”. This is my brother and dad. Above all, the hospital allows only 2 visitors a day for 5 minutes for ICU for burn cases. My brother put forth all these to me and said “ Amma is ‘Stable’ and will remain in the ICU for 3-4 weeks”.

Amma is a very careful person. I remember her calling the folks from the gas agency once every 6-8 months and changing the tubes/regulator as needed, switching the regulator off during nights and every time we went out (She NEVER forgot to do this ).. The whole incident is a mystery to us now.

It’s not easy to digest this. Amma is ALL I think about now, when I breathe, when I sleep, when I eat. I’m spending fruitless days at work. What kind of daughter am I who cannot even go for help when needed …and how helpless I am? My guilt is killing me. I’m of no help to my dad and brother. If it was a couple of years ago, I need not have thought about anything else.. anyone else. Now I’m a mom. I’ve to think for 2 people. If not for 2 people at least about her. But I’m a daughter too….

I have nothing more to add but just sob…

Thanks for reading,
GV

Mythraeyi · Jul 8, 2009

So sorry to read about your mom. It is hard to be away at such times. But your brother and dad are right - you may not be able to do much when she is in hospital. Maybe you can go when she is out of hospital and needs care and help at home. Hope your mom recovers soon.

Anabika · Jul 9, 2009

I am so sorry to hear that and I can totally understand your pain. My grandmother was killed in a fire accident and I know the intense of pain she went through. I was only 10 at that time, but still remember everything. I can only pray to God for your mother's betterness.

You can think only emotionally now, but be rational and go to India when your help is really needed. But, do go there once mother is discharged to home and spend time with her.

dhanyaag · Jul 9, 2009

I am sorry that your mom had to meet such a situation. But I understand your feelings too... But don't worry like ur brother and dad said u may not be able to do anything when she is in hospital and even if you were able to make it there by the time she comes out of ICu you may have to come back so better go once she is atleast out of ICU. I wish your mom get well soon...

ANNA44 · Jul 9, 2009

I am so sorry about your mother's condition....I certain do understand how you feel... I pray that GOD will heal your mother very soon...I pray that GOD will give comfort and peace to you and your family.....

You are in my prayer

sln · Jul 9, 2009

My dear GV,
My heart is bleeding for you.I can understand your feelings,the pain that you are experiencing.Your amma will get well,my dear.Do alpha meditation for her,send her green colours,fill her with reen colour,I will also do that.
If you badly want to see her go by all means,God takes care of affectionate daughters and their kids.Iam going thro a health issue and my daughters are also helpless but their love will heal me.Similarly when your gets slightly better the knowledge that her daughter is there for her,this knowledge and this love alone will cure her.
lots of love,blessings and good wishes

mithila kannan

Lalitha Shivaguru · Jul 9, 2009

Dear GV,

Very sorry to hear about your Mom.. My prayers are always with her. I would suggest start a prayer thread for her in IL in wishes (prayers) subforum so that all Ilites pray for her which will always boost for a recovery soon.

Don't feel guilty dear...please do visit her.

I wish her a speedy recovery and give you and the family the mental strength to bear this trauma.

PS: GV I have myself started a thread for prayers for your mother. link is below.. do not worry dear.

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/p...needed-for-smart_souls-mother.html#post763282

Shanvy · Jul 9, 2009

gv,

I am sorry that your mom had met with such an accident. If you feel, that you need to go...please do go, listen to your heart.

my prayers are with your mom and family.

sandyr · Jul 9, 2009

Hi GV,

Sorry to hear this...I really hope that your mom gets well soon. I can understand how you feel now. I strongly feel you should be on her side now..

Tc
Sandy

Deepali_deepali · Jul 9, 2009

Dear GV,I strongly feel that you should go.. Accidents can happen anywhere, whether in a home having small children or not ( I hope this will definitely give you one more reason not to think twice), so go and see your mom. Right now she's in hospital, so you can leave your kid at home in somebody's care.. And once she is discharged, you can still manage in some other room, and you know that it can be managed. So don't think much, go..God will take care of the rest and your mom will get well soon..See how many people are praying for her..Take care dear.