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Love marriage or Love after marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by iyerviji, Mar 6, 2016.

  1. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    Hope I have not written anything wrong


    In our days love marriage was not so common. Love marriages were not allowed. Regarding love marriages people used to say she eloped with the boy. Nobody had guts to get married without their parents consent. But dont know how many were happy in their love marriage. Only after marriage and livingwith the person you come to know fully about them.

    Now a days even arranged marriages are not successful.Either it gets cancelled after engagement or after marriage. Recently heard about a girl who got married and since the boy was in US she thought he must be modern and will listen to whatever she says . But when it did not work she came back to her mother's place. Also my friend's son got engaged recently, we knew both the girl's side and boy's side and came to know the marriage is cancelled. Its very difficult to recommend anyone too because we dont know how they will be . Its all each one's luck to get a good better half and be happy till the end.

    In present age because marriages are getting delayed even parents tell their children to choose their life partner. There are many love marriages but dont know how many are happy. In our family also there are many love marriages and till now they are happy though they have indifferences.

    Whether love marriage or love after marriage it is in our hands to make our married life successful.
     
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  2. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    As far as I'm concerned, you never write anything wrong. :)

    This is so true! The success of a marriage depends on love, commitment, compromise — and so many other factors — regardless of how the couple met.
     
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  3. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Success has very little to do with arranged or love marriage, or 'self-arranged' or 'matrimony site love-thro-mouse-click'.
    Success has to do with commitment and working thro' crap that happens in life.
    Nice thread viji aunty.
     
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  4. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Viji Aunty,

    Writing in your thread after long time. You have so much of wisdom. Your threads are always positive.

    I believe, this love thing takes a back seat after marriage because you are committed to love your partner anyway (and anyone related to your partner). Marriages cannot stand upon Love itself. Bonding, understanding, holding each other through tough times, responsibilities, commitments, sacrifices all these becomes priorities to live together peacefully and like you said it is all in our hands to make marriage successful. Marriage does not come with any tag.
     
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  5. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Well said @Anugamit. Let me list few fictional characters that came into my mind...

    Some of the movies from Mani Ratnam are probably his experiences/real life people he met? As if we travel along with him in life, as he matures.

    In 'alaipayuthey', Arvindswamy/Kushboo roles - can there be such a relationship in life? It was that security and protection can only come from a matured love, like a parental protection.

    His latest one was classical/poetic from OK kanmani...relationship of elder couple Prakash Raj/Leela Samson, how he takes care of the his wife with the Alzheimer.
     
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  6. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    If the love can withstand all rough tides then it will be a success irrespective of whether the love blossoms before or after marriage. These vows - to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health will make real sense then.
     
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  7. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear viji maami,
    you have rightly said - whether love or arranged , every marriage will undoubtedly face innumerable ups and downs. It depends how mature a person is, to handle the seriousness of a longterm relationship. Anyone knowing to think for themselves, without being influenced by interference/opinions of extended families etc will be able to remain married and find fulfilment. This is ofcourse relating to normal relationships. Where there are extraneous factors like abuse etc, the going naturally gets tougher and it is right if the concerned opt out.
     
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  8. maya9876

    maya9876 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Vijimaami,

    Valid point raised. Love or arranged it depends on the individuals involved. A few years ago I was open to the idea of arranged marriage even though I was in love with someone and was heading toward love marriage. Today I have been married for 5 years to a person I knew and loved for 5 years and I can clearly say (as far as I am concerned), loving a person, knowing their personality, past, likes, dislikes, flaws etc and then getting married makes a few hurdles disappear straight away and makes life easier. My mom and dad had a arranged marriage and have a great relationship so I am not judging arranged marriage set ups at all. And I'm not saying that love marriage does not involve compromises, adjustments or even surprises. Even though I knew my husband for 5 years before marriage, it was only after marriage I truly understood his nature. But we already had an understanding, a foundation if you will, before marriage and that made married life smooth.
    When we fight or argue or even when everyday stresses take over, we have our 'dating period' to look back at and reminisce together. It brings us back to each other.
    While it sounds all rosy, we also have had compromises and adjustments that both of us made to make the other happy.
    After reading stories and life experiences here on IL I have realised that a lot of love marriages can turn soar and end bitterly.So really I guess at the end of the day it all comes down to the individuals in the marriage.. love or arranged!
     
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  9. inboxsweetee

    inboxsweetee Gold IL'ite

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    Bring in love man !! whether it is love or arranged marriage just that unconditional love will lead the journey of life together
     
  10. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Mami,

    When love occurs doesn't matter as long as it persists throughout their marriage and makes it a life long pleasant journey with mutual understanding occurring between the couple. I came to know my husband after marriage only, any how I have no regrets at all, and in my case love happened after marriage.

    Thanks for the thread.
    Vaidehi
     

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