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The Scourge of Second-Guessing as a Parent

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Rihana, Jan 18, 2016.

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  1. Jan 18, 2016 #1
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    To use formula also or not. Before that, epidural or not. Cloth diaper or disposable.

    Regular preschool or Montessori. Before that family daycare or daycare center.

    To enroll in this activity or not. To shave the child's head or not.

    Change school or not. Should do more to interest child in books or is fine enough.

    Should have started this practice earlier. Should have stopped that habit earlier.

    Shouldn't have done that. Should have done this.

    Parenting is filled with second-guessing? Do you ever agonize over decisions taken? Or do you always have the confidence that you did what was right given what you knew?
     
    Rihana, Jan 18, 2016
    Rihana, Jan 18, 2016
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  2. Jan 18, 2016 #2
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I fall horribly into the second-guessing parent category. Always. No matter how great things turn out, I wonder wonder wonder.

    Currently wondering whether the 'public school only' decision was right. It was, I know, but I wonder. Also about letting kid quit competitive version of a sport and stick to recreational.
     
    Rihana, Jan 18, 2016
    Rihana, Jan 18, 2016
    #2
  3. Jan 20, 2016 #3
    sanskruthi

    sanskruthi Silver IL'ite

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    @Rihana To be honest I had to take help of google matha to know exact meanings of self esteem and scourge.
    coming to this post...second guessing happens always with me. Its more of second thinking than guessing. When it comes to children we always want best for them, but we are never sure what we are doing or forced to do sometimes(due to circumstances), is really "the best". It starts from the time the baby is born and continues till they become independent and build their own nest. The what if factor is always lingering at the back of the mind. What if we had chosen that school instead of this? What if we encouraged them to take sports instead of fine arts? Always there is thought of are we doing enough for them? Is the present ped ok or shall we change the doctor? so many doubts. Is the decision of letting them do self study, and not sending for tuitions ok? What if we also send them to extra coaching? Will the future ne different? What would i give to be like Griffin character in the movie men in black 3. He has the ability to foresee the infinite potential outcomes, that are dependent on the actions taken by one in any given circumstances. Did I make any sense :bonkor did i just ramble on and on? :spin:hide:
     
    sanskruthi, Jan 20, 2016
    sanskruthi, Jan 20, 2016
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  4. Jan 20, 2016 #4
    jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    I think most of us do second guessing. What if will always be there until children settle in life. Who knows at that time there could be something else to second guess. I have always wondered about schools too. We did move to accommodate the educational needs but the current school system focuses more on sports and I am still unhappy that science is not the focus. But my child/DH thinks otherwise. So maybe its just me!
     
    jskls, Jan 20, 2016
    jskls, Jan 20, 2016
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  5. Jan 20, 2016 #5
    shobhamma

    shobhamma Gold IL'ite

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    You must be a new parent!
    let me tell you about granny's law. Whatever you do or decide will be wrong, but finally mostly the kids turn out right.
     
    shobhamma, Jan 20, 2016
    shobhamma, Jan 20, 2016
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  6. Jan 21, 2016 #6
    preesmiles

    preesmiles Silver IL'ite

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    I do all my vacillating before I make my decision :) I bug my husband going back and forth, research the heck out it and stuff. But once the decision is made, I am pretty confident. I chose to stay at home when my son was born, we did a non hospital natural birth, breast fed (still going strong), cloth diapered, did baby led weaning, now are deciding against pre-school. Some of the choices we made are not conventional but when my husband and I agree on a decision, it helps me stay confident because he does his own thinking and research as well before we come to an agreement.

    And then I think that even if we made the opposite choices our son would still turn out fine so I don't get tensed about stuff. We just think the decisions we made work for our family and makes our lives easier :)
     
    preesmiles, Jan 21, 2016
    preesmiles, Jan 21, 2016
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  7. Jan 21, 2016 #7
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    No, you made sense.. whatever sense can be made of the wonderful journey called parenting : )
     
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2016
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2016
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  8. Jan 21, 2016 #8
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I guess : ) there will be always the amount of second guessing as per each person's personality and nature. Maybe it changes with time and experience, and from first kid to second/third.

    While I do wonder, there is less panic (?) or desperation at the option not taken. Some logical thinking and some getting busier with bigger problems/ small joys helped.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opportunity_cost
    In microeconomic theory, the opportunity cost of a choice is the value of the best alternative forgone, where a choice needs to be made between several mutually exclusive alternatives given limited resources. Assuming the best choice is made, it is the "cost" incurred by not enjoying the benefit that would be had by taking the second best choice available.
     
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2016
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2016
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  9. Jan 21, 2016 #9
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Aah, I don't have that source of confidence. His evaluation often depends on choosing from the shortlist of options/reasons I provide. So, for really really crucial things, I prod him to do some own research without getting biased by my findings. While sometimes he does find stuff I wouldn't have, often, his findings are poorer in depth and width. :coffee

    Your posts in various threads do stand out and parenting wisdom plus confidence is evident. While putting those posts in some perspective, I did wonder whether you are of Indian origin. Would be nosy to inquire thus though. Or did I just inquire? :)
     
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2016
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2016
    #9
  10. Jan 22, 2016 #10
    sumadevu

    sumadevu New IL'ite

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    Even I had second guessing y'day , for giving fever medicine to my baby(2yrs old) or not. giving him a head bath or not..etc... list goes on...
    Moms are always like this right :)
     
    sumadevu, Jan 22, 2016
    sumadevu, Jan 22, 2016
    #10
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