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Social networking+attending baby showers getting depressing!

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by generic, Nov 20, 2015.

  1. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    I have been going through a rough patch recently..because of problems with in laws, personal problems, health issues , TTC and lost the job recently...
    2 things bothering me a lot:
    1. Social networking
    2. Invitations to baby showers

    Everyday on social networking website I either see notifications of friends, batch mates, ex-colleagues etc clicking photos in office parties, or putting events of joining new jobs in top companies or travelling to onsite for client visits or putting baby photos or attending parties or romantic photos of vacations in tourist places etc.

    Many ex-colleagues who used to put me down and bad mouth me to managers are now enjoying onsite travels to foreign countries and attractive salary packages.

    It's just getting depressing to view these updates as I dont have a job as yet,my career prospects have been really bad off late..previous jobs I faced extreme stress and mental harassment , everyday I used to work hard for 10+ hours, but I still ended up losing the job..recently also during job search I either I get rejected or the offer gets cancelled or they give posting in some other city where I cannot relocate.. Thus I lost confidence.
    If i chat with anyone online I'm feeling embarrassed to say I'm a housewife..Hence I hardly chat with anyone..
    Not confident uploading pics due to weight gain..

    Am I being over sensitive and depressed or is it that others are much more luckier and happier than me?

    Also, it seems like so many of my age group are either pregnant or have babies...I m feeling awkward and upset to attend baby showers or baby naming ceremonies as someone or the other asks me if I have any good news..I'm TTC, but everyone here knows that pregnancy need not happen immediately and may take time..
    If there are any discussions going on, related to pregnancy care or child care I feel left out..
    Once during baby shower there was a discussion related to some creams, lotions etc used to treat skin pigmentation and stretch marks during pregnancy..
    I had read online reviews about some effective lotions hence I mentioned it..one of them snubbed me saying "you do not have to bother about these things now, you'll know when you time comes"..I felt damn embarrassed and excused myself..
    I can decline baby shower invitations from acquaintances giving some excuse..but cannot decline such invitations among the close family circle ..

    Want to know if you all experienced such disappointments while social networking online or attending social gathering..
    I guess it's just me being over sensitive..Sometimes I get too irritable and cranky and anxious so I'm just venting to feel better.
     
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  2. Nakshatraa

    Nakshatraa Silver IL'ite

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    Dear op,
    Hugs hugsmiley.
    Dont worry, I have been there and went through whatever you have mentioned.
    On your professional front, I do understand your feelings. But , you have every right to take a career break, & need not feel bad about it. Of all the issues that you mentioned, one thing you can set right or atleast can handle is your health, your weight.
    Take a break from everything, join a yoga class, it not only helps your health, it also aides your ttc & your depression too. Trust me, you will sail across. I am sure others will give you more advices too.
    Best wishesfriendssmiley
     
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  3. skyinsc

    skyinsc Silver IL'ite

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    Op, On career front to crack any job interview the only suggestion I can give you is CONFIDENCE during interview. with confidence even those who dont have actual skill set also can crack the interview most of the items because confidence impresses any on esp those interviewing you. Dont feel under any kind of pressure or fear of rejection in interview when attending an interview. There is always a better job out there even if you lose the current interview. The world is not going to end if you dont crack that interview. All the best.

    TTC wise, I have been through the same phase that you described. We had our first baby through IVF 8 years after the marriage. But none of my friends nor relatives knew about our TTC struggle because I know as soon as they come to know they will either show pity and offer unwanted suggestions or make us feel inferior. so whenever anyone asks about good news ,I used just shrug it off saying whats the hurry.we want to take our time before having kids as this is the only time that we can enjoy and having kids is a big responsibility which we will take up only when we are ready. as long as you appear unaffected with other pregnancy news no body really can bother you. if anyone gets too nosy about good news just cut it short then and there that you will inform them of the good news personally when you are ready and once it happens and until then to let you enjoy the peace :)
    when someone snubbed you for your stretch cream suggestion, you can simply look into their eyes and with a bright smile say 'you might not need the advice but there are others who might be interested. you saw the ad somewhere and just thought of sharing it in case anyone wants to try it out..there is nothing wrong in giving suggestions as it is free' ..tone has to be important cheerful yet firm not tolerating nonsense.dont let any one belittle you.
    focus on your weight gain because that will boost your confidence and also health. Attend yoga or gym to keep yourself fit.
    Remember happiness is something that only you can give yourself. try to come out of depressing thoughts .
     
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  4. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    @skyinsc..Yeah u are right...Lot of times I end up getting rejected due to lack of confidence and nervousness..in spite of knowing the answers I do not answer confidently..due to wrong body language the interviewer sometimes gets a bad impression about me..Actually the main reason is my past experience in extremely bad working culture and bad HR policies in previous company where I suffered a lot..

    Yeah the suggestion you gave me is quite effective in answering those who are curious about my baby plans...In general I am secretive about my personal life..Apart from close family members I do not like anyone else to know about TTC...to avoid unwanted taunts/comments/sympathy/advice/gossip etc..

    I try to keep myself happy as much as possible, but sometimes random incidents/bad memories/mood swings make me feel irritable and sad and I end up venting in this forum..
     
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  5. indumathi1985

    indumathi1985 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi friends,

    Same thing with me also. Have been married for 5 years and Ttc for 3 years with 3 pregnancy loss. Now proceeding towards IVF from next month. Until my first pregnancy loss I was so normal , mingle with people and had good times with everyone. But after that ,literally I was changed completely. Started to avoid everybody especially who are having kids. Stop talking to pregant people . This social networking sites bothered me alot. So I came out out everything, am not in touch with anyone else. I know it's wrong, but instead of talking and getting stressed, I can be normal without talking to them. Whenever I heard ppl around me are getting pregnant just like that, I will be so stressed that why am not. And ppl also don't think about others feelings. If they got pregnant, they can keep it with themselves. Atleast they can stop talking about their pregnancy after informing that news to us .
    If you are feeling stressed with social sites, better come out of it. That will be a big relief.
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, I hear you.

    You lack self confidence, hence comparing yourself with others.

    There is nothing wrong in asking someone, who is apparently/possibly TTC, about the good news. It is just the other person's curiosity. There is no need to feel embarrassed about it.
    Producing babies is not rocket science. Even animals can do it. It takes just an act of IC, and that's all.
    But how that actually happens is really not in our hands. It depends, and it takes time for some people.
    Why feel guilt for not being able to conceive now? Perhaps, your time hasn't come yet.
    If someone asks, tell them that you will share the good news when that happens. Smile with confidence.
    You are not old, just a newly married woman. Take advantage of this time to settle in your career.

    You will really miss this care-free (free from kid's responsibilities) time once you are forced to balance both career and kids in a few years.

    Also, there is nothing wrong in posting their "updates" in social media. They are just posting what is really happening with them.
    You are feeling jealous? Even if that, there is nothing wrong in feeling so. Jealousy is a human quality. You are being human.

    I am on career break now. Those of who worked with me last year are getting so much international trips with good package now. I know, i would have replaced some of them if I were there, but I am out of work due to a valid reason.
    Whenever I see the pics of my ex-colleagues, for a moment I feel a mixture of little jealousy, feeling lost, need to get back to work, regret of losing that job, and what not.
    But it doesn't last forever. The moment I see the happiness and purpose of my decision, things get back on track.

    Take one small step at a time. Although you have a mountain to move right now.

    1) Career. Try applying for different posts, try a job in a diff city, take up any job that is decent. Don't have high expectation, but be ready to start from the scratch if necessary. To have a career is more important to raise in any career.

    2) Try weight loss in the mean time. Eat less, do some exercise, walk, drink lot of water, avoid fat and carb, specially junk food.
    It is a best time to concentrate on weight loss program, as you are not tied up with a career or family responsibility (kids) right now.
    Weight loss would be tough after the kids, and specially while balancing both career and family. So take advantage of this.

    3) TTC with confidence. Do the health check properly, change the life style, stress free life, and if you believe pray to God. More so, enjoy the IC without thinking much about TTC.

    Now celebrate every mile stone of your life. Update in social media.
    Ex: If you have lost 1 kg, then celebrate it with your peers who are also in the same boat.

    Thank God for what you have, instead of struggling by thinking what you don't have
     
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  7. indumathi1985

    indumathi1985 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi @sgbv. Thanks for the reply. Actually i am doing everything what else you have mentioned ,even more. But am still struggling. Lots of confidence in me but sometimes feeling lost. Thats my only problem.
    It's not about jealousy. I will feel little down when I hear something. Thanks for your supportive reply.
    Have good life.
     
  8. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    @sgbv..agree with above reply..you have given very sensible advice and I will go through this thread whenever I feel irritated by my present situation, to feel better..
     
  9. reca

    reca Silver IL'ite

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    hello generic,
    just deactivate your facebook account and watsapp account . Join the gym / yoga calsses . Do online courses to hone the skills you have / learn new skills . If anyone asks for baby , just tell you have not yet planned , you and your husband wish to enjoy few more years :) . Go out for trips . Find ppl who are not yet moms . If you love animals, go to animal care centre and donate some money .
    Be with frnds you trust and make you feel comfortable .
     
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  10. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    just take it easy....there are ups n down in everybody's life....time comes when nothing good happens but it doesnt stay forever....you are ttc so be relaxed....as of now you are not into job so utilize this time to sharpen your skills and pursue the hobbies which you always wanted to do....there is nothing to be ashamed of as you are trying, for job too and for baby too....keep on trying soon everything will happen....
    Regarding facebook and whatsapp even i feel many times is it my life only which is sucking....everybody else seems damn happy.....but we all know that they have their share of problems which they dont post on facebook....
     

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