My dad

RamyaMusic · Oct 29, 2015

I have 2 little kids. And when the herculean task of bringing them up the right way stands before me, I fondly remember my dad's ways.

My dad is a strict disciplinarian. My brother and I have to go around jogging and do pull ups everyday. He fitted a pull ups bar himself for this sake. We need to write 4 sentences in neat handwriting everyday in a note. This was to ensure, we concentrate on our writing and improve our handwriting.

He would not check it. But, whenever my brother and I get into a fight and the matter reaches my dad's ears, he would first ask for our handwriting notes before the enquiry. In a way, this helped us achieve mutual understanding and settle issues among ourselves. And in case of punishment, it is mostly super brain yoga a.K.a thoppu karanam.

There were no special privileges to boy child. Both of us had to clean our own plates, wash our lunch boxes after school and wash our undergarments by ourselves. Not a grain of food can be wasted. He insisted on us taking multiple small servings.

We should never shout at Amma under any circumstances. He ensured, she should always be respected.

Whenever we wanted to get an answer sheet signed, the process is very simple. He would not ask why you got low marks or what is your rank. We just had to attach a paper with all the mistakes corrected by writing the correct answers along with the answer sheet. It would be signed immediately.

Whenever we commit a mistake, the moment we say, "Sorry Appa. Will not do it again", he would stop scolding and end it there.

All of us had free access to money, you just have to enter the expense in the account keeping note. This made us look at the other monthly expenses and understand the value of money.

Oh, how can I forget our annual vacation. In addition to the trip to our native place, games with cousins etc, we need to write answers to the annual exam question paper without choice. One year, when the school announced this rule, only my brother and I got excited by it. Because now, everyone in the school has to go through it.

He encouraged us into various extra curricular activities, introduced us to good books and music. Whenever he scolded us, he made us understand that it is for our own good and so we never felt bad..

His favorite proverb which we had heard a zillion times, " When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, everything is lost. "

But now, he is never strict on my son. He enjoys all his actions. That is when I understood the difference between the love of a grandfather and the responsibility of a father.

I wish I could do at least half of what he did for us.

Viswamitra · Oct 29, 2015

Dear Ramya,

What an excellent write up this is! We came to know your father so well thanks to this one snippet. As he said, "If character is lost, everything is lost". That is my Guru's teaching as well. Your father set a great example of how to raise children and you are very blessed to have a role model like him. You would find it very handy to raise your own children.

Love of a grandfather is extraordinary and comes with certain perquisites that a father could not enjoy. The responsibility of parents are very different. Even though love is the ingredient behind all relationships, parents have added responsibility to shape the character of their children.

Viswa

RamyaMusic · Oct 29, 2015

Thank you Viswa sir, we are indeed blessed.

My brother, though younger, is a very mischievous guy. So we had our own ways of breaching rules and were partners in all crime. Many a days, during jogging, we would sit on a nearby bench and sleep on each other's shoulder. My brother would change the month in the hand writing note and submit last month's note. We would make holes in the blanket, to watch my grandma's serial at night, acting as if we are sleeping. The list is rather big..

Oh, how can I not say this. My father introduced the art of cooking to us. And I learnt it mostly from my father and brother.

And all of us at home have a hearty laugh now, discussing those days..

jayasala42 · Oct 29, 2015

Dear Ramya,
My father too was a strict disciplinarian.The same proverb and also another one'that which cannot be cured should be endured' taught us how to accept things.Wow!Enjoying time with one's own dad! I envy you Ramya.We had no experience of this in a joint family system.We have never enjoyed the unique affection of'my Amma or Appa' .We had enough experiences of abuses from uncles and aunts for the mistakes never committed by us..My Amma had to secretly hug us whenever we got first rank or first prize in any oratorical/music competition.
Holidays were spent in writing small essays in our own sentences about the young sibling, marriage procession etc.and do Wren and Martin exercises.
Money was a bigger problem.Even during college days I was given exactly 12paisa,( 6 coins of 2 paisa each for bus fare.If I miss any two paisa, I had to walk back 4 kilometres from the college.If we could pay 10 paisa we could get down near the college.For 6 paise we could get down at the previous bus stop and walk for 10 mts.
Though appears to be stingy this has taught us how to be economical and careful with money.
Even with his limited contact with us he taught us how to prepare monthly budget and to keep accounts to the paisa.He would allot money under various heads such as
simple grocery items, milk, bus charge, notebooks etc and we have to show expenses under various heads. Month end will be the balancing and analysing why expenses were more on a particular head,more or less comparable to balancing charges account in a bank.
When the family is too large and there are too many children and too much of crying, neither parental love nor grand parents' fondlings could be extended or enjoyed.In my personal experience it was a total mess.
After marriage I settled in Chennai.My parents were too old to visit.I could visit them by taking two or three days of casual leave.My children don't even remember the faces of my parents. But they were brought up with care and love by my mother-in-law, a pillar of support.
I entirely agree with Viswa.Grandparents' role without any responsibility of bringing up the children is much enjoyable.As children are far away our enjoyment is limited to a period of a few days.We have been denied of both taking and giving.
Jayasala 42

But we could realise.That was the situation when aa single bread winner had to protect a big joint family of 25.
After retiring in 1947 he had to work till 1977- long 30 years to support the family.

RamyaMusic · Oct 31, 2015

@jayasala42,
Dear Jaya mam,
Nice to see your reply and know about your childhood.. I was able to relate to your response. Even during our childhood, we were always asked to compromise and adjust with our cousins irrespective of whether they visited us or we visited them .. Some things of ours were generously given to them when they asked it, without our permission...

I think it's in our blood to always adjust... After all, athithi devo bhava..
In a way, we are blessed.. This adjusting mentality and moderation has brought us maturity in life..

satchitananda · Oct 31, 2015

Blessed are those of us who have such good and responsible parents. No worries, am sure your children will say the same about you when they grow up, because you will pass on the values you received to them.