Who Eats First at Home?

OP: Remember about the doormat: people wipe their feet on it and it replies Welcome!

 

OP,

If there is one important thing that I learned from this forum.. it is the message "pick your battles"..It was posted as a reply by Ragini25 for some in-laws issues. Thanks Ragini for this.

Even the battles we pick cannot be won without a strategy. You come out as a smart, hardworking women...try thinking long term. I am not asking you to be submissive..but some battles are so not worth fighting.

Glad to know you are talking to your H on this, make sure you communicate your expectations of him when in-laws are here.

Few tricks to handle the "give DD a bath situation":
1. Turn to your H and ask him in a nice way to give dd a bath. Leave MIL out of the picture.
2. Or say you have work related call/meeting to attend and get your tea and laptop and relax for an hour

MIL's forgive their sons...but they never forgive what DIL has said. And most importantly, MEN suck at communication, they suck at putting two and two together. When women hear a situation, our brain cell starts firing and we think of all the permutations and combinations. But MEN, they dont work that way. To your H, your response to MIL might come out as disrespectful...because he cannot piece the information why u behaved that way. What they see is what they interpret. they don't think 10 steps back and 10 steps forward like us

 

OP, for what it's worth, I thought you handled the bath situation well. You were direct to your MIL, a question was addressed to you and you answered back. I didn't think it was rude. of course you don't need to engage her in long arguments or explanations but I think as long as your husband is alright with you being to the point with his parents, especially when they order you about in your own home, you are doing fine!

 

I also agree you handled it well. The round about way or making excuses of work would just mean the repeat happening again and excuses given again.

You let her know the unfairness of the situation , which was the main issue.
Next time don't say "your son"....say ask "dd's father"...or convey the message to Dh straight .Just make sure you are not rude,just firm.Secondly...don't let this carry over .The issue is done with. Smile and carry on.

Do appreciate the help they are providing but don't let her order you around in your house .
Also ,you husband seems like a sensible man. Your pointing out something seems enough and most issues can be sorted out between you two.Tell him to take on something like DD's bath on his own before any one needs to say anything. If he comes earlier everyday,he can do that. This way there is no need for any arguments.If his mom says something like"you are tired",he can sort it out himself.It is not difficult to come up with something like"Oh..I like giving her a bath,we get to spend some good time together in this hectic life".

 

Overall, you handled it well... Except the situation opened an argument, it has left some bitter marks in all of your memories. However, it is better than keeping the grudge inside and letting others to rule your own life. You have crossed at least one step successfully.

The next battle would be tough for sure. MIL is now hurt, her ego is also hurt before her son.
If she is an average kind of a MIL, she would find a way to provoke you further. Don't give in... Learn to ignore and react when you are ready.
As someone said, pick your battles...


Eg: For the above situation, I would have reacted as follows:-

MIL: Bath your child
ME: Sorry, I am tired... "S.... (H's name), could you do me a favor? please bath the little one as I am extremely tired now".
ME: Also ask the little one to have some fun with dad at the bath tub, as momma is tired.
ME: Ma.. could you also do me a favor? Please make my green tea. Having a severe migraine since eve. Perhaps, the traffic is the reason. I would simply lay in the couch.

Now whatever MIL says negatively would project her as a "villy" only. She has no choice rather than making my tea, and saying some good words, and also keep quite about her son's work at the bathroom.

PS: I am usually not tired all the time. But if I am tired, then it means I am tired. I am being honest.

 

Working when one is tired is more risky .
I get really cranky when I am tired.I can work like a horse when I am tired,but I do make the lives of people around miserable too. Working when tired around in laws is a ticking bomb.
A cup of tea later...everything seems better.It is good for everyone.

 

Ditto. I work with extra energy and frustration when I am tired, then whoever comes my gets a piece of me. YM by the way are you a Gemini.

 

Will pm :coffee

 

The one who is hungry eats first .... is it not?thinkingsmiley Whenever work is assigned as soon as you come home... use the golden words which we always use to our own parents " just a moment" ,smile and pick a plate and eat your food ( or take a bite from the husband's plate and grin that you are hungry) then go do your stuff

 

At our place whoever is hungry, ready to eat, not busy with son eats first.
At MIL's the sequence she likes is SIL, FIL, DH, then MIL and me if she is in the mood otherwise she will start doing something else and I either wait or she "tells" me to go ahead and eat. If i'm not very hungry I wait otherwise I just make a plate for myself and eat anywhere in the sequence.