Yes or No, India or USA, it is neither right or wrong

I am still reading Tao of Physics, and one of the things that it touched upon is, if you look at something, it an be in many states.

For example if you look at a particle and have to determine if it is
1. circle
2. square
3. triangle
4. rectangle

It is all 4 of them.

Then Capra made comparison with Koans in Zen tradition

Koans are asked by Zen masters to make others ponder deep questions, to provoke Enlightenment.

Here is an example,

Has a dog Buddha-nature?
This is the most serious question of all.
If you say yes or no,
You lose your own Buddha-nature.



See, there is no yes or no answer, there is an underlying reality that most of us are unaware of. And if we are aware of it we gain enlightenment.


Is there anything similar in Hinduism? How did our ancestors gain enlightenment? Just sheer meditation to unleash their Kundalini energy perhaps?

If you see my beginning posts, I was going on and on about how I wish to settle in India, wish to marry someone from India, etc, etc, etc.

And lately, I am thinking there is no point to settle in India because I was treated so horribly when I went to get married, but I didn't realize I was being mistreated because I didn't understand the BASIC customs.


But now I still feel a pull towards India. No matter how much I try to push it down. No matter how angry I get at things.

On my way home I was suddenly attacked by negative energy (actually I had a bag of chips, and I think these types of foods lower your vibrational frequency, making you susceptible to these bad feelings), thinking about the pain my ex caused, and how some people in USA were not understanding my situation, not understanding arranged marriages, not understanding that people don't have sex till marriage.

Honestly I would be scared of going to India right now because I think I would be rude and mean to everyone as a DEFENSE mechanism. And when I was horribly angry, I was imagining myself insulting everyone I see, being mean and awful to everyone just so I can be in the upper-hand.



When I am at my sheer happiness because I accomplished something, first thing I think about is how nice it would be to marry someone from India.

That's my first gut reaction.

I get those warm, moist, fuzzy feelings of love when I think of marrying person from India, whereas I don't get those warm, moist, fuzzy feelings of love when I think of marrying person from USA. I like people from USA, very very very much, but haven't gotten to the point of warm, moist, fuzzy feelings.


Honestly I just wish to recover and hone in on reading, writing, and creating sketches.


But I wish somehow I go to India for at least a month and enjoy there BY MYSELF, and have limited interaction with relatives and family friends. Just enough interaction to go from place to place, perhaps someone can serve as a tour guide.

This would be a great way to confront unpleasant feelings and heal from the past so I can go to the future.

 

I really really need to do this..... for a while I was praying for Sep 2015 trip, but God has given me lot of opportunites at office (and private time at home) for personal and professional growth.

 

Oh wow thank you so much!