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Issue in marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by bahv, Aug 11, 2015.

  1. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Good points above.
     
  2. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, you must be going through hell right now.

    It's true that you misspoke (I don't have brothers or sisters so I don't understand these dynamics), but it seems your husband married you out of duty.

    What man doesn't want to take his wife to honeymoon?

    Many things can happen
    - he divorces you and you find someone who loves you, who takes you on honeymoon and pays attention to you
    - he takes you back, but his family never forgives you, and you have to suffer whole life

    Honestly if the shoe were on the other foot, you would be pressured to accept their apology.

    Inlaws have the upper-hand and at the end of the day you are daughter-in-law who can be easily replaced.

    And your husband can complain about you to others, but will never say how he ignored you, and how his family interfered in your marriage.


    But in India don't wives have equal right to their husband's or Inlaw's home. Can't you register a complaint with the police, saying that they kicked you out of your home.

    Just check the laws.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    She may have a right to a place in her marital home but not if they are living in inlaws home.The husband can leave parents house and then she will not have a right to live in the house.

    Besides ,just a room in the house is not a life.

    Making such a complaint usually ends whatever is left of a marriage.

    Most importantly,making un warranted accusations of infidelity is emotional abuse.Making un warranted accusation of incest will not be taken lightly by any court. By making a complaint,she is more likely to loose face,her reputation and also future alliances.
     
  4. sun01

    sun01 Bronze IL'ite

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    @Chennai express is wrong here. OP is not harassed by any one. After her accusations, in-laws have formally invited OPs parental family and sent her with them.

    OP please don't join those women who abuse the 498A and DV laws. Leave those laws for genuine victims.

    They have the written proof of your accusations which are pre-dated. No way 498A or DV case will stand now , you will loose the case in courts and get punished for false cases and your serious accusations.

    Please read @YellowMango message several times.She said 100% correct.

    You could chose to reconcile if possible or take divorce after completing the 1 year of marriage whichever makes your life happy and peaceful without emotional trauma

    May be if you tell how you have approached them in the last 7 months and what are they saying, people could suggest you better based on that.
     
  5. bron

    bron Silver IL'ite

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    No use in police complaint ..and u have also accused of incest which they will bring to notice surely..but keeping yhese things aside he did not communicate with u even after 7 months..just think even if u apologize n reconile back with them do u think they will treat u with respect??and also u say ur accusation was purely out of ur anger and possesiveness that ur husband dint spend value time with u..so even if u go back to thier house do u think ur husband will change for u n stop giving importance to his sister..are u sure those things wilchange?? I dont think so..instead they may even treat u with less respect and u will not be in a position to give them back or complain to ur husband as he will never belive u..u cannot gain his trust also.. so think twice before u try to proceed wid this marraige..goodluck
     
  6. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Ok, I thought there was a law that said husband's house is also wife's house, hence they cannot just throw her out.

    No need to misuse any laws, there are a ton of victims in India that don't even know such laws exist.


    If the OP's husband would have an arraigned marriage with some Tollywood star, or some model, do you honestly think she would complain about him not spending time with her, or not taking her to honeymoon?

    Do you think any of his family members would complain (sure they would be friendly and and be around her 24/7).

    At worst, the SIL who cannot drape her own saree to save her own life might post something on IL to the effect of "Life without Brother, 100 Ways to drape saree"


    Of course, the last person any lady star would want is OP's husband. I mean, c'mon.

    But I am not understanding the dynamics of Indian culture here.

    I notice some people here saying it is ok that OP's husband
    - didn't take OP to honeymoon
    - is too close to his family to notice he is married
    - will take several years before OP's husband warms up to her

    Hence a lot of ladies are actually hitting OP over the head for the comment she made; which is still a pretty nasty comment.


    But I'd like to offer some perspective that would help OP, and others:

    Many of you know my story, you can refer previous threads, but in a nutshell, I am US born in raised, was very isolated, had arranged marriage, sponsored someone who was unfaithful, abusive, refused to work, only wanted GC so he can go on welfare (funded by US taxpayers)

    We were willing do to anything, forgive anything, give things time for the marriage to work. Even he told my dad,
    "Why do you need me to get your daughter pregnant, you can get her pregnant"


    It was very vile, and very rotten thing to say, but we didn't throw him out. We figured he had a lot of anger issues, and a villain is a victim whose story hasn't been told.

    Only things fell apart after I had miscarried and he raised his hand on me once again and I called 911.


    Hence I'm emphasizing that OP is being treated unfairly for the stupid comment she made.

    If the shoe were on the other foot, and OP's husband or In-law would make a similar vile comment, OP would write post about feeling sad about this, and many ladies hitting OP over the head right now would say "forgive and forget"



    OP right now a lot of people are against you and you are in an uneven battlefield, but God is directing your steps. I find it helpful to talk to God, but sometimes the hurt is so bad, you have to muster the strength and courage to say to God, "please show me your love".

    Because at the end of the day, God is love, it's just us humans who screwed up everything, and we need God's help to fix everything again.

    {{{hugs}}}
     
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  7. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Honestly I think this is the best.

    OP being productive and excelling will raise her to new heights.

    Who knows, she might start her own business, become well-known, appearing in the news, etc, and OP's mamma's boy, and the saree-malfunction SIL will be so jealous they won't be able to contain themselves.

    Then with OP's elevated status, they won't mind OP saying even worse, obnoxious things.

    Hey, that's how the cookie crumbles. :queen

    But I really like yellowmango's advice
     
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  8. bron

    bron Silver IL'ite

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    @chennaiexpress : u r absolutely correct ..op made a nasty comment and tat cannot be denied but for tat she cannot be kept in dark away from house for 7 months without even communicating. .i really find her husband who s more like a sisters boy jus like mommas boy ..i dnt think so she will be happy where a husband cannot even spend one day a week exclusively for wife..n some people here say it takes years for husband and wife to build a relationship..and with this setup they will not ever find time to build good bond..and if his family is not allowing the newly married to spend thier quality time alone even during first few months then they will never allow them later too..she has to carry his family luggahe evrywer they both go..huh i find her life exhausting..how can he can keep her away for 7 months widout communicating..arrogant..guys like him should have not married at first place ..so that he could have kept his sister happy all through her life..jus because she made a nasty comment evryone here not focusing on other points she s facing coz of that guy..n only accusing her for tat comment alone
     
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  9. queenie29

    queenie29 Silver IL'ite

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    @OP -
    I have read the thread and here is what my honest opinion on the matter is:

    - I know everybody said what you did is right or wrong; and your H and IL's did is right or wrong. Whats done is done.

    - first, try to talk to your family and try to go to your in-laws place and try to solve the matter WITHOUT arguing that you were right (in your view point) to say things that you said to your H & his family members.
    - Let them know that you would REALLY want a second chance and that you would keep an open mind to understand (normal) things/relations at their household.
    - if a marriage is broken in the first few months itself, it can be anybody's fault (W/H/ILs of both side/relatives,etc) - it might be very very difficult to mend things.

    Am sorry but thats the hard truth of life!

    Questions you need to ask yourself for your good:
    - after 7 months gap, do you really believe you can make the relation work with your H & ILs?
    - its not easy to go through something like that but out of experience am saying, people who donot understand that when they have a new person amongst them, they should try to include taht person in the things they do as a family. THIS IS JUST BASIC COMMON SENSE, which we expect from anybody, not just from H & ILs, because we are in a society where we should mingle and be friendly with all. So in a new families, defintely the people should make the new person WELCOME - and not treat like an outsider(which happens most of the times).
    - if you manage to convince them for a 2nd chance, would you be able to manage, understand if something like that happens again??

    I wish you good luck OP.
     
  10. adimad

    adimad Silver IL'ite

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    I think this is real good advice OP

     

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