Not living to what you had told in fight

Hi,
I think many people will come across such situations.
Like you say something at a point in time and do not do that later .Is this defeat or give in for that person?

For eg. I had said i wont go and stay with FIl after he blamed me for my husband's going near a girl. I did that for about 8 months.even during SIl wedding or my niece wedding ceremony I went to function from my parents place. I did not budge then and stay back at ILs place as the thing happened in Dec and functions were in Jan and Feb.
now this weekend my FIL birthday is there and my husband is mentioning to go to ILs place . I know if i stay with husband i will have to go someday. I dont want to talk to ILS or give in . but at same time i want that my son is not left alone. husband can take son alone with him but i am not able to live without my son. he will turn 4 now.

so now I have option whether to keep my say ( in DEc ) that i wont stay with ILs ever . or go to ILs place, do not mingle with them , do my work, office work, bank work meet friends. Show them i have come only for son and my work which will be fact. I dont plan anytime to mingle with ILS aor go to FIL party if any.
OR not go and stress on fact that Son cannot go alone and fight with husband.

In 1st i feel that I am being defeated and bending back . Is my thought right ?
In 2nd I am not sure how many days i can hold son back and son will grow up and go one day for sure.

Does this happen with many people that they say something but do not live toi that under different time frame say some months down the line?
what should i do?

 

its only for weekend. I have friday late night calls and hence i will insist on travelling on saturday morning. and return sunday night. Only 1 night at that place.
I will surely return on sunday citing office and sons school.

yes i have keys for parents home. i plan to go there on sat evening to check on house but without son. no point in taking son along when parents are not there unless he insists.

 

yeah I did not go there for approx 7 months. Even for SIL marriage and niece naming ceremony I stuck to what i have said. they visited when possible for them once a month. also i had asked to add my name to husband flat but he did not. for my security i purchased a flat as well.so now i have no fear in case anything bad happens or fight happens wehre they ask me to get out from house.and now husband is also aware i have backup plan for me as house and i can go anyday and stay without him. he knows my independence.

when they came to my place in pune they have never talked with me neither I. So I dont think there will be any communication whatsoever.

Husband asked me to visit for fil bday. In laws have never ever called me or told me to visit or do anything from their mouth. it is always through their son.

 

I had sent son for 4 days last time for SIL marriage. Out of 4 days one day was my mothers bday. I had asked my husband that time that i will take my son for a day and he denied. I spent my moms bday without my son. but still i ignored thinking its SIL marriage which will happen only once and hence let son be part of it.

however my son started talking he missed me a lot and he said he cried over as well. when i questioned husband he said nothing of that sort happened.also son started telling me when i met him , you go and I dont need you . I am not sure what happened but i dont want to send son alone

. if son is sent alone then husband will always do that and it will be for their good only. anyway ILs dont want my presence in the house and want only husband and son. If i myself do that , i will be left alone. If they want my son they have to tolerate me right. now the only thing is i will have to face them and stay with them against my wishes. and i am going against my point stated that i wont stay with them.
although the fact remains i wont mingle with them or bend backwards to entertain them. nor will i cook , let MIL SIL take care of that for 2 days for my son. so that way i am not trying to have peace at letting my husband dominate me .but i still feel that i am not sticking to my words.

 

I definately dont want to attend his party. I even have office work and will ensure it falls at time when they have some celebration.

for now atleast ils come and we dont go. since its bday i think SILs etc will be there and hence husband wants to go.

the point is if i send son alone that will also happen always. every month husband will insist on taking son and going and i will be left alone. atleast for now they have to bear with me and adjust at that home with bedroom etc etc. so it may happen that they dont insist on calling us or husband thinks not to go since SIL is staying with baby for some mnths. If i send son alone now its definetly going to be a pattern.