1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Weird MIL behavior - please advise :(

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by phew2702, Jul 12, 2015.

Page 2 of 3
  1. Jul 12, 2015 #11
    phew2702

    phew2702 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you so much ladies. It makes me feel better as I was thinking I was over exaggerating the issue by thinking too much about it. Now since I feel all havehave similar opinions and has to be dealt strictly. I am not entertaining it anymore.
     
    phew2702, Jul 12, 2015
    phew2702, Jul 12, 2015
    #11
  2. Jul 12, 2015 #12
    phew2702

    phew2702 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    @rihana thank you for the link to the other thread it was a brilliant read and no matter if it's a boy or girl we need to educate our children from an early age. I will try to get my MIL understand in a more subtle way. The issue is hubby thinks it is completely normal behavior.
     
    phew2702, Jul 12, 2015
    phew2702, Jul 12, 2015
    #12
    2 people like this.
  3. Jul 12, 2015 #13
    MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,201
    Likes Received:
    7,021
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    If this was the good ole USA, the MIL would be sitting in jail.
    This is completely unacceptable. Tell her firmly to knock it off. I would not worry about being polite.This is your child and you need to protect him from perverts.
     
    MalStrom, Jul 12, 2015
    MalStrom, Jul 12, 2015
    #13
  4. Jul 12, 2015 #14
    tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,489
    Likes Received:
    2,031
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Even I had heard about this years ago whilst discussing cultural traditions with some Punjabi guy. He said that he remembered his grandmother (note: he was old enough to remember!!!) his grandmother giving him massages there to ensure fertility. I need to note that he was a pretty messed up guy as an adult (albeit good hearted). If one wants to figure out some Indian men's odd relationships with their mothers/grandmothers perhaps one should start looking at these types of practices.
     
    tashidelek2002, Jul 12, 2015
    tashidelek2002, Jul 12, 2015
    #14
  5. Jul 12, 2015 #15
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,503
    Likes Received:
    30,273
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    But it is not the US of A. It is India. Questioning the love or actions of a grandma can backfire. OP shouldn't find herself in a situation where husband in front of others says it is OK. Grandma could claim she is simply keeping the area clean or something.

    I would also suggest going easy on using terms like molestation, perverts etc. If the grandma is doing it openly and even after being told to stop, she is simply clueless, not malicious.

    A person very close to me, but not related, took my baby into her arms and said, "What cute lips... I want to kiss you" and started to move towards accomplishing said objective. :shock: My baby was cherubic, I guess. I grabbed my baby so fast for an unneeded diaper change. Anyway, later found out that whether or not to kiss baby/little kids on the lips by parents is a big debate, and my friend only thought she was a close as a parent to my baby.

    Time and experience have shown me that there are many practices families, across various cultures, have that will shock those who are new to the practices. The most common ones are "old-enough" child sleeping with parent. Siblings sleeping or bathing together. At what age this should stop varies from family to family.

    Moral of the story is - step carefully when dealing with practices a family has followed or considered OK for decades. Get the practice to not happen with your kid without making a big deal out of it.

    A grandpa used to be dressed in a worn, old white dhoti (nothing inside) and helping 8 yr old granddaughter dry her thick, long hair after head-bath. I can't say more.

    OP, good you started thread. A topic whose awareness needs to increase.
     
    Rihana, Jul 12, 2015
    Rihana, Jul 12, 2015
    #15
    1 person likes this.
  6. Jul 12, 2015 #16
    hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,548
    Likes Received:
    3,582
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I have lived all over India and seen many many cultures - east west north south india (including the ones OP mentioned).
    I have a son myself and he was also born in Chennai - I have NEVER EVER come across such a practice! I dont think it is a cultural thing!

    OP, dont speak, be alert at all times and just whisk away your baby as soon as possible.
     
    hrastro, Jul 12, 2015
    hrastro, Jul 12, 2015
    #16
  7. Jul 12, 2015 #17
    VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,846
    Likes Received:
    3,977
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I have seen this trend in south. It is gross. But I have witnessed this from my childhood. However, I haven't witnessed this is in the west or north of India. The grandparents and even parents (esp. Moms & Grandmoms) keep doing that. I have seen them doing in U.S too.... The babies get tickled and giggle and the 'Proud' !?? Moms and Grandmoms enjoy . They even pluck it and kiss it.( Puking !!!!)
    Rihana please pass the visual bleach to me too.....
    Sorry phew.. I would not tolerate this even if it jeopardizes my relationship with the ILs.
     
    VanithaSudhir, Jul 12, 2015
    VanithaSudhir, Jul 12, 2015
    #17
  8. Jul 12, 2015 #18
    VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,846
    Likes Received:
    3,977
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    SR.. Let me correct myself. Most of them I have seen are teluguites. When I said 'they' do in U.S too. I didn't mean the localities. I meant the SIs..and unfortunately...they are teluguites too.
     
    VanithaSudhir, Jul 12, 2015
    VanithaSudhir, Jul 12, 2015
    #18
  9. Jul 13, 2015 #19
    CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    1,636
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    It seems to be a practice done by some communities. Has nothing to do with molestation but more about putting focus on the gender of the baby. But the mother has the right to say no. It is the babys private parts and it is not good either for the child to overemphasize the gender. The mother can explain that she does not approve this kind of behavior, assertively but friendly.
     
    CrayoNess, Jul 13, 2015
    CrayoNess, Jul 13, 2015
    #19
    1 person likes this.
  10. Jul 13, 2015 #20
    Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    377
    Likes Received:
    761
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi op,

    it it is a cultural thing. I have seen it among Tamil/ telugus as well

    she is not molesting the baby. Don't use such strong words. Molesters will always do it in private without anyone actually witnessing the crime.

    She he is boasting that he is a boy!!!! I find it yuck too. Actually the part of India I am from, they baby call with names referring to the genitals of the boy..... Like Thanga kunju, vaira kunju, kunju mani..... Meaning gold genital, diamond genital..... This is always done to only the boy child

    i would use the doctor said.....and handle this topic with lot of care.
     
    Jazmine83, Jul 13, 2015
    Jazmine83, Jul 13, 2015
    #20
    2 people like this.
Page 2 of 3

Share This Page