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How to handle ILs who have insulted the DIL in the past

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Cool10, May 26, 2015.

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  1. Jul 4, 2015 #31
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op,even your worst enemies would have some consideration for you in this state...but not these scumbags. These people are shameless and heartless. If your husband can be brain washed,he will be brainwashed even from far.Don't risk your precious pregnancy.

    Don't take any risk with your baby. Your baby needs you to put yourself and the baby first.People leave for your parents place in the safe period.Your mil,sil and her family can go to hell.They ,including your husband are not worth risking your pregnancy. Leave as soon as you can and don't come back till the witch from abroad has gone back.

    Best Wishes OP.Be brave . hugsmiley
     
    yellowmango, Jul 4, 2015
    yellowmango, Jul 4, 2015
    #31
    3 people like this.
  2. Jul 4, 2015 #32
    paramlav

    paramlav Silver IL'ite

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    Cool 10hugsmiley congratulations dear...don't worry u know these drama's keep going. .but you please don't entertain those ----- . if your dh can understand feelings of your co-sis why can't he understands his best half who is carrying his own blood. be cool don't argue say sweetly to him if he wants his wife&kid happy, drop you to your parents home else stop your in laws.
    if you are worried about your relationship then clearly confirm to your dh, I will stay only for you but can't risk ..so I will not do any household chores. you must help me or your mother or sis.

    Please dear u throw out your worries and please enjoy your pregnancy. talk to your baby enjoy these moments. still if you have something bothering. .vent it out here..we are there for you.
     
    paramlav, Jul 4, 2015
    paramlav, Jul 4, 2015
    #32
    1 person likes this.
  3. Jul 4, 2015 #33
    paramlav

    paramlav Silver IL'ite

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    Don't go alone to your parents home it's not advisable ..if your dh doesn't accompany ask your parents to come and take you
     
    paramlav, Jul 4, 2015
    paramlav, Jul 4, 2015
    #33
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  4. Jul 5, 2015 #34
    tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    OP: I assume you are flying to your parents'. Just schedule for wheelchair service and the airlines will take care of it. I flew in/out/around India post surgery several times and it was a piece of cake. Let your husband do all this necessary seva himself so he knows what you have to go through. Come back when he grows a brain.
     
    tashidelek2002, Jul 5, 2015
    tashidelek2002, Jul 5, 2015
    #34
    4 people like this.
  5. Jul 5, 2015 #35
    pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Preferably ask your mom or dad or both to come and take you for delivery as per the tradition(in most part of india).Your MIL would sulk even if you fulfill all her conditions and its waste of time and energy to attempt to please them(in your present condition).Your SIL is here to stay for 6 months so you could host her in her last 2 weeks to satisfy your dh.How about asking your doctor to advise your dh regarding your condition.Tell your dh upfront that the child in the womb is the priority for you at present and you dont want to risk your pregnancy by booking your tickets late.And inform him that you need plenty of help after c-sec to look after the baby and to recover.It wont be a smooth ride to make your dh agree to the whole thing,but things could improve after the baby is born. How about booking your tickets in advance to your sils arrival ,so that your dh would be able to freely take you to your parents home.
     
    pear, Jul 5, 2015
    pear, Jul 5, 2015
    #35
  6. Jul 8, 2015 #36
    Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    Thanks for your responses.

    The bomb got dropped on my head. SIL has decided to move to our home for 2 years (me and DH house) without her husband (who will remain abroad). This decision was taken by ILs, BIL and SIL jointly without consulting me and DH. BIL also booked ticket for everyone to and from for ILs place for two weeks visit (including me) - again without asking us. They also DECIDED I will stay here only for the entire duration of my pregnancy/after delivery.

    When DH came to know about the tickets, he got angry that how they booked tickets without asking him. He is fine with his sister moving in permanently with us with her kids though. He had an argument with BIL where the main point was booking tickets without telling him. Now they have decided that SIL will go ILs house for 2 weeks and then return to our home permanently after that (lot of teary eyed drama from MIL and SIL). He also told I am NOT going to ILs place and I will travel to my parent's place. He also got ILs tickets to here cancelled for now.

    DH will go to drop SIL to ILs place and stay there for 10 days. At this I got quite upset because they thought there is no need for DH to drop me to my parents place (I thought it was unfair that he will drop able bodied SIL but not me). I got very emotional and after some EB from my side, DH agreed to drop me after his return. He postponed our tickets by 10 days.

    Now I am getting daily calls from ILs as to how it is inauspicious for me to go to my parents place for delivery and that I should stay here (to serve them all). My SIL also called and told me that she wants complete rest and wants to enjoy with me at our home. When I asked her why not stay at ILs home, she replied not good schools there for kids (which is not true) and that she will get bored there (read - she will have to help my MIL in house work). She also said she has already told my ILs to come and stay with her (in our home) for the entire duration.

    We have a tiny two bedroom which will not be sufficient for these many people for so long. Also as she has already declared that will she will completely rest during this time period of 2 yrs, all work load of 5 adults and 2 kids will fall on me. MIL doesn't lift her finger to any work already. On top of that daily fault fighting and fighting with me will be therefrom ILs and SIL side.

    I will leave this month to my parents' place. Thinking to forget about future and concentrate on my pregnancy for now. When all is done, I will think whether I can return to this atmosphere or not. 100 ideas are cropping in my mind. I suggested to get one house in our building only emptied for their stay (its on FIL name and rented) since duration is long. They declined flatly saying all will live together in our flat only.

    I have no problem with her staying and contributing equally for household work. But her fully resting and adding ILs work load on top is not acceptable to me. (plus politics and games that they play)

    God knows what will happen in future. Feeling depressed. DH is blind to my problems of them all moving in here post my return from deliver.
     
    Cool10, Jul 8, 2015
    Cool10, Jul 8, 2015
    #36
  7. Jul 8, 2015 #37
    coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    @cool10, tell ur sis in laws in happy tone tht wow u r coming to live with us.....tht will be a great support for me for handling in baby and household. Chores....having a kid u must be knowing how hard it is to manage alone....so now u r thr ...i have no worries....
    it will give her the indication tht u r not ready to make her rest but u r looking for help....i hope she will set her expectations straight....
     
    coolgal123, Jul 8, 2015
    coolgal123, Jul 8, 2015
    #37
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  8. Jul 8, 2015 #38
    pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Dear op,

    Relax,concentrate on your baby.Your dh may not be a hero ,but he did understood your point of view about your delivery .He did stood up against his house people who tried to manipulate your place of delivery.Leave these guys with your dh for him to understand all the practical difficulty for living in the same house.Make sure to leave a list of instruction to your SIL to maintain the house in your absence .Thank her for pitching in right on time when you needed extra help with housekeeping.You have plenty of time to worry about living with her,so relax your mind with baby thoughts.Enjoy the joy of winning this first round with the inlaws.Going off to your moms place saves you from your inlaws burden for atleast next 6 months.

    Prayers for you dear.
     
    pear, Jul 8, 2015
    pear, Jul 8, 2015
    #38
  9. Jul 8, 2015 #39
    hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    Can you go to parents place BEFORE the SIL arrives? That way - you dont have to welcome her, you dont have to smile when she says she needs 2 years rest!!!

    Can your FIL come and pick up your SIL while your DH drops you at your parents ??

    Why is your DH taking precious 10 days off leaving you alone at your home ??? What is he doing there for 10 days ??? EB EB EB EB - "how can you leave me alone at this stage? she is anyway coming back here for the next 2 years "

    He can save the leaves for AFTER the baby is born - he will want to spend time at your parents place with the baby ??

    (P.S. Ensure that YOUR bedroom is NOT taken over in your absence by your SIL with - kids need more space/cool10 is not returning for the next 6 months/ I need AC/ Brother - you could sleep in the hall/ I need attached bathroom)

    Lock up ALL your things before going for delivery!!! And take the key with you!!
     
    hrastro, Jul 8, 2015
    hrastro, Jul 8, 2015
    #39
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  10. Jul 8, 2015 #40
    armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Say no to two year move of SIL. If it is long term she can take seperate place and stay close by so you can help if required . No need to take up you house which will lead to lot of problems.be firm.if she has to stay somewhwere she can stay in her MIL or MOMs place .
     
    armummy, Jul 8, 2015
    armummy, Jul 8, 2015
    #40
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