1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Positive Dependencies between Husband and Wife

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mcutiepie, Apr 3, 2015.

  1. mcutiepie

    mcutiepie Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    193
    Likes Received:
    286
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi All,

    Hope all of you are doing good in your lives..

    During a casual discussion with my husband, he told me that our parents hold a good husband wife relationship because they share some kind of dependency on each other... that time i could not ask him to elaborate on this but i wanted to check with ladies here what kind of "positive" dependencies can be developed which are not botheration s to him...

    PS: I am self dependent working lady...
     
    1 person likes this.
    Loading...

  2. mansithakkar

    mansithakkar Local Champion Staff Member Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    113
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi mcutiepie,

    This is very good question to discuss and I am sure all must different answers to this question.

    To best of my knowledge, positive dependency might mean, little things like cooking food for husband, asking him to help you with some office work, sometimes doing gardening together...
    minor things to help between a couple brings them closer.

    Talking technically, it also means satisfying each others ego... but with love... because independent person never likes to ask helps... But asking him to help with a smile might create positive dependencies.

    I hope I have answered to your question correctly. Let me know what you think of it.

    Thanks
     
    2 people like this.
  3. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,060
    Likes Received:
    1,389
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I actually think your husband is right. I once said the same in a conversation. Let me try to explain a little bit what i mean.
    Nowadays the society drives more and more into a self-fulfilling, independency craze where ones own hobbies, pleasure and free time is valued more then togetherness. Everything has to be fast, people like to show off, you are what you have. It seems to turn more and more from a collectivistic society into an individualistic one. The family is a little copy of the society. So i guess this might be one reason so many marriage fail nowadays, its more a I/Me then a we (together).

    In olden days and often still the women was dependent in a very bad way, economically, financially even socially as some would be treated as invisible or cursed persons after divorcement. This is awefull and has nothing to do with the term positive at all per my opinion. I think that positive dependency is from both sided and means that we all have little or big things to loose in a marriage - we pay off together a loan we took for buying a nice house, we need to support each other because non of us can raise the kids AND work full time alone by maintaining peacefull happy mind, when we are sick we need someone to take care, when we are sad we need someone to talk, our spouse is the person who knows us best and gives best advices in business matters, has better overview on something etc. ...

    I will give you two examples of what i mean:

    Not long ago my husband says he wouldnt be able to finish his thesis without me. Its not really true but he deeply felt like that because im supporting him in all possible ways, more then anyone else is doing. He still says everything would be so much harder without me. I check all his datas, every sentence he writes is corrected by me.... positive dependency is working together and to know you need each others help, yes you can try to find someone else, but to be helped by your spouse feels somehow different.

    I know an elder lady who told me she had a time in her life she thought of getting divorced but she knew she couldnt raise her 5 children alone like that, she was a nurse and working, still didnt made enough to feed them properly. She fought with and for her husband and told me she never regrettet as things turned better. She added that at that point if she had the money and society wouldnt have said anything like in some areas knowadays she would have just left him without a blink. I says she beliefes divorcement rates are so high in some countries because its so easy. I partly agree and partly dissagree here with her.. im a divorcee myself and it took me years to escape from the abuse so dependency and the fear of society can be very very dangerous for ladies.
    So for me a positive dependency means that i feel im dependent on someone in a way that makes me think twice whether i will leave that person easily but in fact, deep inside i know i could, i could survive and do it myself and there wont be any harm to me.
    Not sure if im making sence... guess its a small line between dependency=getting trapped and independency=getting selfish sometimes...
     
    4 people like this.
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,952
    Likes Received:
    11,414
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Your husband is right. I am also a working lady, so is my husband. I.e a working man. We both also work at home with the routine chores and baby sitting. We are not financially dependent on each other. We have our own circle of friends and relatives who have a very close association with our family.

    Nevertheless, we still depend on each other so much as couples. That really strengthen our relationship.

    For ex: I can very well drive a car, and go to work or anywhere in the city. But I feel empty whenever I am forced to drive alone without my H. We used to go together to work or anywhere and of course it needs lot of time adjustments from both ends. But it gives so much fullness and happiness for both, that we hate to drive alone, despite having our own cars.

    I love to eat together with my H. We eat our respective plates, and most of the time our food will not be the same. I am more for rice, whereas my H eats loads of wheat stuff. But eating together while talking something in the dining table add tastes to the food, rather than eating alone. I hate eating alone.

    During the most happiest and saddest moments, I want my husband beside me no matter what. I have so much friends, more so my own loving mom too lives with me. But my husband gets the first info about such extreme news and comes to me asap. I know he too depends on me as I am.

    Moreover, when it comes to kids, we are always one as parents. Whether it is happiness and sad moments, it is always WE and not I and you.

    Likewise, there are so much that I could write here to say how much we are interdependent on each other despite of having a self sufficient background. Perhaps, that is why we are married.
     
    4 people like this.
  5. mcutiepie

    mcutiepie Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    193
    Likes Received:
    286
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks all for sharing your experiences...

    After the day I posted this, I discussed with friends and have done self analysis too and I really got so many ways of building this dependency or I would say Togetherness...

    Like.. earlier my husband will never watch any new movie without me and since I am an early to bed girl, most of the times I asked him to watch as I was feeling sleepy, now I take care of this and manage so that we can watch at hall or home..

    Similarly, if need to try any new food outlet or new launch... Now I wait till we both get time together to try...

    Now at home, I started taking much more care of very small things of him...

    After reading posts here, I got few more pointers like
    @manishthakkar, @RedRuby: gave me examples of depending upon him professionally..
    @SGBV: Same driving thing happens with us also... Eating together is a nice idea...

    Good to go.... :thankyou2:
     
  6. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,060
    Likes Received:
    1,389
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    thats cute examples you gave for dependency :) What you say about taking care of very small things is exactly what i feel positive dependency is all about! My grandfather had no clue what his medication was for exactly and which pill to take when, my grandma was knowing it, I know married couples where after years and decades one doesnt know specific things anymore like how to check oil in a car and the other how to put up firewalls on computers, we share responsibilities and so will slowly start to be in a positive way dependend to the care of our beloved spouse.

    Im thinking now too in which ways I positively depend on my hubby... I would even say emotionally.. i will call or msg him in a certain frequency because i love to talk to him even its just for a moment, I feel sad without our chit-chats.. that too might be positive dependency.. He for example cannot sleep without having a look at DD so needs to go to her room even when coming late from work to watch her sleeping for a while and kiss her.... guess love in general leads to a certain level of positive dependency..
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page