A very frustrated wife

We indians are brought up with the mindset that only women work at home . I totally agree with JGVR, just say going forward u have to share the chores and also u hve to take care of ur basic things like ironing his own dress and managing his things, tell him u buy groceries i will cook and keep house clean , work outside house i will nt do.There will surely be fights , but be clear and keep ur stands,

My hubby also was the same as soon as i got married i was independent and he was totally dependent.
i said i will nt take care of your stuffs i will wash ur cloths and keep it in the corresponding place, i have allocated places for everything, he has to take it , i can't spoonfeed him,

Now outside the house paying bills , buying things he does , cooking cleaning, washing etc etc i manage

As far as In laws are concerned you do your part and leave the rest. how long will thy bug you when u don't react......
" For any action only a reaction creates the pblm", U do ur part, don't expect ISO certification from In Laws

 

Are you for real?

Let me ask you again, are you for real??

You have managed to get a job, in a foreign country, earn a decent salary and manage things on your own. Only to give all your earnings to your husband - he doesn't treat you well, treats you as some slave to do all cooking and housekeeping and then a money machine who will make him some money.

So please get your act right!!Why are you in this relationship? He doesn't care for you like family. Will not help you in household chores (even a room mate does that). Takes your money and questions you about your spending. To me, he sounds very smart - he gets all that he wants. What do you want?

 

OP, i dont understand why you are giving him all your salary? YM has given you some amazing suggestions. Talk to him, explain to him what you are going through. He cannot have a married life with no strings attached. Try counselling, if you want this to work. But even after all this, if he is not willing to work with you do you really think this is worth it?

 

paging @kanthtx

OP: Try counseling, and if it doesnt work, you wont have much of a choice but to consider separation. Think abt it.

 

Op I would suggest once in India try giving him a warning that If he does not bother for you, you would leave. First find a safe place for urself. Get your parents involved in this. Ask your father to talk to him. And tell your husband clearly have a discussion. tell him your feelings and see his reaction. Try going out and dont do any work at home. Let him give you a call. Tell him what you want. And only if all your wants a re satisfied you will return home.

 

I don't understand when people say "I give all my salary to my husband"
Do you transfer the entire salary on the day of paycycle keeping a 0 balance account?
I guess its more like he manages your bank account.
First of all, be financially dependent. Every earning person has the right to have their own savings. Have an estimate of your household expenses and keep the remaining with you. Start managing your account, credit card and bills.
And then just do the basic household stuff and leave the rest for him like his laundry, ironing, cleaning up his workspace etc. Start with simple stuff and dont sound like you are assigning some tasks to him.

I know a girl(house wife) who does the cooking only if her husband comes back from work and cuts the vegetables. If he doesnt, she doesnt cook that day. Every task in the home has to be 50.50. I wonder how she manages to convince him.

 

So Op...you are paying him to make you cook ,clean,pay the bills and run errands for him.Also for all this that you do....he gets to treat you like a piece of unwanted furniture+ questions you if you spend your hard earned money(that you have to walk to)on yourself. Yet you love him.

Op...what happened dear? What happened to your self esteem and confidence?Why do you let this person abuse you and your feelings this much?Think about it .What happened...?Where did you go wrong?

Please get some counseling if you feel it will help you become more confident and help you get your self worth back.You need to fight yourself before you can fight him for your worth. C'mon girl...you deserve much better than what this guy is capable of giving.You have started this marriage bent over backwards to please him.Why should he change while a woman is his slave and pays him too? You have to change first before you can bring about some change.

Hope you do this Op.
Best Wishes to you.

 

Wow you married that Korean dictator. Honestly I see no hope. Shockingly its a love marriage for him!.

 

Op, you are a victim of domestic abuse. It might not be physical but it sure is financial and emotional abuse. There are several domestic abuse helplines in the uk. Please, please look up "domestic abuse helpline" and you will find lots of articles, free helpline phone numbers and even counselling here in the UK.

I sincerely urge you to seek out a counsellor so you can sort your head and figure out what to do. The guy is a totally manipulative Jerk. Had your selfesteem not been so low, you would realize that you are clinging on to this relationship because of social conditioning. Hugs to you. I sincerely hope you can work your way out of this abuse. Xx