H cheating, what should i do

mehra0111 · Jan 25, 2015

Thanks Indoc, she is his x-gf
i believe his bpd is x linked dominant

anjish · Jan 25, 2015

Please take care of yourself,
In my opinion first of all you have to inform all this whole scenario to your parents, and of course his parents also. Tell them clearly what did he say to you.
Give your husband warning in clear and strict mode (no tear and all drama) that this is your last chance otherwise he will loose you.
If possible talk to that girl's husband regarding this.
I know dear all the things are pointing towards divorce but it is better to give your relationship a last chance. But be sure about your safety as well all in this arguments he said auratein zinda jala deni chahiye. This statement is very dangerous.
Please take care of yourself.

yellowmango · Jan 25, 2015

mehra0111 said: ↑

Hi, thanks everybody
@ivlakshmi: H himself blocked that girl 3 years back.
@ragini25: dear ragini, that was exactly what happened, they are in same corporation and they chat on communicator.
@weasely: He breaks my trust everytime, on every single thing, if questioned he makes such a big drama (he picks some past topic)and makes me feel guilty for not trusting him.
i trusted him for 3 years, but when i saw the popped msg, i felt shattered. i walked away from room. at night he came to me and tried to physically abuse me, there i gave him a warning to call 911. He was literally behaving like an animal, banging walls, breaking things and constantly accusing me for not trusting him. he said he could not believe that his wifes standpoint could be so superficial which brakes on a single message from an anonymous girl.( later he accepted that he initiated talks with her and talked for 5 6 times in last few months)
Then he deviated the topic to sending money to his parents(to make fuss). And started calling me Ghar todne vali, mere ghar ko jala diya, meri maa ko tadpaya and much more,then abused my parents. I could not control, i cried whole night.
Friends i have always supported him in his financial decisions, always respected his parents and yesterday i had to hear such words., he also gave me reason why i respect his parents " you are afraid of my parents, they ll ruin your family so you do not have the power to speak against them".
he said his mom is like a 2 year old kid for him and he will continue giving her amount whether he is able to save money or not, He knows what is good for his family.
in morning he apologised as nothing happened last night. after 10 mins he again started behaving same way, abusedmy parents and me. his said auratein zinda jala deni chahiye,just after this sentence he turned "i respect them all".
Sometimes back,one of his colleague told that he calls somebody (she hinted - his mom)everyday and he gets very upset after that and he dont do any work. she told me in office parties he abuses people after drinking.
This is the culture at his house which i have seen since 3 years. women are not lallowed to work at his place, they are uneducated, male members earn money.
My mom is gynaec,my dad and mom has a wonderful relation, touch wood.
I too expected the same, i stood for my H every single moment. He thinks that i am with him because i m afraid of him. He is a fairwhether - m happy he is happy, m upset then auratein sirf barbadi hain,. Ok i see then y did you married one, who gave you birth??????
I know the situations are calling a divorce but personally i DO NOT want this.
Please suggest me how to handle this man.
Click to expand...

You can't handle him Op...only professional help can.
If possible...persuade him to seek help.

Please keep a detailed note of your last post and his behavior(specially his accusations and how women should be treated.....next time ...try to record on your mobile.At best...you may need it to persuade him to seek therapy...at worst ,to seek escape from him.

Seriously...I think you have bigger problems that some girl texting him.

Akanksha1982 · Jan 25, 2015

OP, more than the affair, his thinking and behavior with you is more disturbing. I don't think, his good or nice talks means anything. He seems to be an abuser.

You need to seriously think how long you want to continue. People become stubborn at some age and difficult to change because the change only comes if the person himself wants to change. It can't be forced upon. It will never be easy to live with such a person.