I am fed up :( :(

Hey OP, don't be so upset on a New Year. You need to keep yourself happy and relaxed, and not care much for anything else. Nobody is perfect, even your spouse would have flaws, and probably more than you. But, it is not possible to change oneself and move towards perfection easily. If you can justify yourself that you are doing almost your best, ignore the rest. Learn to completely ignore the taunts, as if he is speaking to someone else. Casually pass on more responsibilities to him, like, when the kid cries, in a nice tone ask him to look after the kid while you serve food or complete your chores. Or, slowly make it a habit on the kid to approach him, not you for certain things. This happens in many households; cries for perfection, taunts and all that. But, if you let yourself to be affected by all those, he would show more and more. So, act as if you have not heard, and ignore. Just because he called u lazy, you are not losing your worth. In other words, your worth is not measured by his words.
You can react, talk back, fight etc; but, that would spoil the peace at home even more. You can tell him that you are trying to learn more quick-tips to get household work done smartly from your mom and MIL.
On another note, learn a few ways to get work done smartly. Prepare easy breakfast dishes on holiday-mornings, dishes that require very less prep time. Keep all ingredients ready the night before you retire. So, if cooking time of the dish is less, you can get up a little late and keep food ready within a jiffy.
Hugs to you, and keep a cheery mood!

 

OP, do your best and then let it go. Learn to ignore and not take it to heart. Even when he is rude, pretend nothing is wrong and speak to him normally, regarding life in general, work, child, any neutral topic. I know it is difficult at first, but slowly he will realize that it is not affecting you and he will back off.

Be happy yourself. enjoy with your kid. If you are happy, your mom will be happy too. Remember it is not his words that hurt her, but how they make you feel.

All the Best.

 

You shout back and tell him that you don't need any certificate from him.. what do you mean by " he expected me to go to temple "? only you or the entire family as it is new year.. if it is entire family, you could have skipped making chapathis and had it in hotel when coming back from temple..

please show him the kitchen entrance and ask him to help himself and family.. you can be mom only to kids and not the entire family.. does he help you in household chores ? If no, give him some tasks ..

 

Bhavi, my husband is ditto in pointing out mistakes. He is Mr. Perfect. He can point some mistake even in the smallest thing i do. During initial days of marriage, i was too frustrated, and depressed. But now i learned to smile it away. What ever mistakes he points out, i just dont give my ears. I just see him say ok ok smile and continue with whatever i do in my own way. This reduced my tension and depression.

If possible please follow this, not that you are surrendering to him, but making yourself comfortable with some peace of mind.

 

Hi Bhavi, as many said, please ignore and continue with your work. I was a freak earlier with regards to cleaning. Everything i had to keep clean, that time my husband was very happy. But after my son was born, i had too many things in hand and didnot get enough time to clean and keep stuff as they should be. For past 3 yrs I have to hear all nonsense from my lazy husband and i m going strong only thinking about my son. My H doesnot help me in anything but always ready to critisise and put me down and call me a loser at home and office front. I have stopped bothering now as my first priority is my DS. So please ignore and give full attention to ur mom n ur DD.

 

ditto my situation : Hubby does not do any work but wants everything to be perfect while I am looking after a very very active baby who does not leave me even for few minutes
I do few things for this:
1. I note down his mistakes and point it out. suppose he shouts at me that house is not clean , I reply calmly ' first keep the newspaper properly in shelf after reading it. Then u can pinpoint me'
2. Before he returns from office , I arrange house for few minutes. if i dont ve time i put all things in a empty shelf
3. i keep only 10 clothes for baby for daily use
4. same for my dresses .. i buy few very good dresses and have minimal wardrobe now
5, i dont allow my hubby 2 kitchen.. i told him clearly .. ' since u r not helping me in kitchen plz dont come here' . he too comments on vessels that i use which irritates me ..
I have started taking his comments very lightly and keep thinking about something else when he shouts.. I tried explaining him many times that everything cant be perfect when we have small baby . but he does not understand

 

Shari has given some very valid points. Follow those, but not for him; for your sake. So that you feel like a competent woman that you are.

Your husband and is acting like a jerk. He seems to get a high out of putting you down. And you have to stand up to it. It is especially important because you need to be the model of a strong woman for your child.

when your husband raises his voice or starts criticising square your shoulders, look him in the eye and in a low but firm voice state, "calm down." Or "you need to get a grip." Or "stop being rude!" or "I'll do it my way." Or "stop nitpicking." while continuing to do as you were doing before. Do not change anything because he is talking down to you. Have a few stock phrases ready and keep repeating them to show your husband that what he says has absolute no effect on you. Do not get into an argument if he retaliates. Repeat your stock phrases alone; if you think things are getting out of hand, state, "calm down and we can discuss this" and leave the place instantly with your child and shut yourself in a different room. (Have snacks, fruits and water ready in the room everyday in case you need to retreat) Do not cry. Do not try to prove to him that you are trying to meet his ridiculous expectation. Do not fight. Just don't give him the feeling that his words have any effect other than mild disgust for you.

It helps greatly if you can develop a look of disgust as you say your phrases - slight frown, lips turned down at the corner, nose slightly wrinkled. (Look it up online) Your body language and expressions can convey volumes to him. Initially then bulky in him will retaliate because he is used to see you getting upset. However if your keep yourself strong, he will certainly start behaving. If he does not, if he becomes violent, you really need to rethink your marriage. My guess however is that most of these bullying men and women when faced with a stong personality completely mellow down. (I have a mellowed down husband, FIL and mil to prove this; FIL and mil are still mean to other cosisters while I'm put on a pedestal)

Stand up to him. i wish you luck my friend, in this new year. Take care and be strong.