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Scare about marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by friendforever, Nov 30, 2014.

  1. Keet

    Keet Silver IL'ite

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    OP, definitely I am not saying one woman to help the other woman or not to help the other woman.

    All that I am saying is don't put pressure/expectation on that woman to help the other woman. Let her decide what suits/convenient to her. And be open and ready for whatever she chooses whether help the other woman not to help the other woman.

    Aren't you leaving your sister on her own when she is not supporting your family physically or financially? Then why do you expect only your future wife to supporting your family physically or financially.
     
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  2. friendforever

    friendforever New IL'ite

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    1. Yes they are my priority and should not forget my parents also they are not become secondary.
    2. I am sure after sometime parents expenses are not so much even they are not spend money anywhere else wasting money in useless things..
    3. I always expect my wife support my mother..what i can do from my side job is secondary family is first always that's need to she understand.
    4. Never expect my wife support financially its depend of her if she is capable and circumstance says and she like to do job outside so why should stop her and help financially.
    5.Yes you are right "Jamana badal gaya, wake up from your dream. Wife is not a part of husband's family anymore unless she herself thinks she is. But she is only part of HUSBAND." and husband part of parents should not forget this also.
     
  3. friendforever

    friendforever New IL'ite

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    i thought that's your same meaning if i am reading right dont expect your wife support your mother (both are not women)?
     
  4. friendforever

    friendforever New IL'ite

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    Sorry ladies i just almost done long message but i think should not post that message I like some of your respond. I grown up when in that family once we were not able to got good properly and we stayed same room where we are same then my mother realized even she is 8th standard passout she decided to work and still doing. By the god grace We have one big land around 350 gz waiting for getting position for construction we are planning for construct bungalow or big house where is small garden also(if everything going fine). I almost grown up and that time to this time i know jamana badal gaya hai. But what i learned from my past during my age today generation they never get what they lost. Now i am working with one of US based organization as Sr. Analyst and meet daily today generation.
     
  5. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

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    friend, you say to girl, your want full importance to your family from her. means all you make it clear what you expect from girl. girl saying yes after fully understanding your meaning, means you have shubh vivaah. this forum ladies you don't try to say, girl partner agreeing means all is good.
     
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  6. Keet

    Keet Silver IL'ite

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    It is not about a women supporting another women.

    It is about a DIL supporting MIL, a son supporting mother and a daughter supporting mother. IMO out of the three, its daughter and son's responsibility to support the mother. But for DIL it is her wish and convenient but not mandatory to support MIL. At the same time DIL should not stop the husband from doing his responsibility.
     
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  7. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    ha ha, succinct it is!

     
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  8. aarogyadata

    aarogyadata New IL'ite

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    I read your post, though too lengthy. First of all, I believe you need to set down your priorities in life. On the one hand, you wish that your wife should be able to handle the household work so that your mother gets some rest in this part of her life while on the other hand, you also seem to be under-confident on the finances and want your wife to be working. This is not a chicken-egg problem. If you do wish to have your mother take some rest and also want a working wife, the solution is simple. Hire a maid and a cook (or a full-time worker) to take care of household things. This will give both your wife and your mother some rest. Plus, when your wife will be working, even if she earns let’s say 15K per month, you can easily afford a maid and cook or whoever you wish to hire. You can have savings also if you move with good planning.

    The reason I am asking you to solve this problem first is that if you directly talk to a girl about these issues at home, she might not be able to show good confidence in the beginning. Just imagine how you would feel if someone asks you to commit to so many responsibilities in the beginning without knowing how married life would be. All I want to make you realize is that you are stepping into the wrong territory. It’s good to think about family but when it comes to marriage, it should be related to your happiness and your future life. It’s a smart choice to marry a working girl, settle things down, and let her enter into her comfort zone, show her your love and support and then introduce her to your feelings and problems in life. Every woman does the best she can for her family but if you expect someone to say ‘Yes’ to everything in the beginning , it’s simply out of the question unless she is under some kind of pressure. Hope this helps! Do write back if you need to ask anything else.
     
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  9. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    hehe can't resist pulling a nemesis(?)/fencesitter(?) here: "Men are like that only" laugh1smiley
     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP...is your sister not a woman? Why do you not expect her to help your mother?
    Is there a rule that only women should help women...how about asking that brother to help your mother.Why do men only think about poor mother and her condition only when they are thinking about getting a wife.

    OP....your parents expenses are not going to decrease...they are going to increase a lot because of medical issues associated with old age.I suggest all three of you get together and buy them a good health insurance plan.That is the best 'seva' children can do for parents who are getting old. Much better than getting an obedient, serving wife.
     
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