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cross-cultural marriages..more likely to have adjustment problems?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by janaka1, Nov 28, 2014.

  1. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    i am just curious to know, from the couples who are not converted in inter religious marriages, what religion children follow, officially? i think in India, its still mandatory to mention religion for school admission and all?
     
  2. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Officially for admission purposes etc - most common case is Dad's side religion.
     
  3. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    It all depends on the people involved. If the people getting married are sensible then inter-caste marriage does not create any problems. Otherwise, there are problems in same caste marriage as well.
     
  4. janaka1

    janaka1 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your replies and opinion.

    thanks for your opinion, but i did not mean caste in my op when i said cross cultured marriages. I mean cross culture like Tamilian marrying Punjabi or Gujrati marrying Bihari etc
     
  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    We haven't converted to each other's religion, but we have had a detailed discussion about our future kids and the religious demands prior to our marriage. I think that was the key in an inter-religious marriage.

    In our family, the kids were more of a mother's responsibility in general though the father provides the same amount of time, energy and money for their developments. They are mostly attach to their mom during their childhood and follow what mom practice it.

    Secondly, home is something that is controlled by a woman - mother in this case. So, the children can be religiously or culturally better raised by a mom than a dad.

    Thirdly, in Christianity there are certain things that you must follow on a timely basis. Having a church record, baptism, and other holy sacraments.. Which is not so strict or in other words can be put aside till the right time comes in other religions.

    More over, the majority in our area is Christians. So, it was practically a right choice to raise kids in that religion for School and other future purposes.

    Above all, most importantly it was my primary requirement before marriage. Which my then boy friend happily agreed after giving it a lot of time and thought. Then only we officially started our relationship and went on for some years before actually getting married.

    So, in our case and many cases around the religion of the kids depends on the above circumstance. Not necessarily the dad's religion.
     
  6. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Talking about the adjustments in inter-religion marriages it totally depends on the adjustment from the female only ,for men I dont think its going to be any adjustment as they have been dominating for ages, be it Christian, Muslim or Hindu ultimately his religion will be followed at least in the later stages of their married life though fake promises like religion is not important..etc etc will be made initially by him when he is in love with the girl.

    this happened in 1991, when my older sisters friend fell in love with a muslim guy who was living in a joint family which included his brother and SIL and their two children , his Mom, Dad and Sis.. she was from traditional Telugu Reddy family and they were naturally against this , even my Mom and Sis tried to convince her to think once again as its not really easy to live in Muslim joint family..Sorry here I am not against Muslims.. but I am talking about the culture back ground, habits which is totally different , but this girl was very very adamant saying she would adjust to any extent to stay with this guy.. finally they got registered marriage and witness were only her friends and his family members.. I still remember her mother wailing and crying that day. she even lost her consciousness and had to be admitted in hospital for first aid.
    Coming to this girl.. nothing was rosy from day 1.. her in laws even objected to send them on honey moon stating some or the other reason..He was keen on making her pregnant from the day he got married for which she had to give in.. and was carrying that very month of marriage.. though she loved NV but beef eating was against her culture.. but his family used to store large chunk of raw beef meat in the fridge and this girl use to puke every time she opens the fridge.. though she was allowed to go to temple by her husband she was forced to do namaz.. her MIL made it a point to teach her their prayers... she was forced to fast during Ramzan... she some how managed it till her Son was born.. and again lots and lots of problem started.. that one day she drank "ALL out" mosquito repellent.. and had to be admitted in hospital for stomach wash.. the his family refused to keep her with them and asked their Son to move out...
    All was not fine even when they moved out.. he objected her taken their Son to temple, gave him a staunch Muslim name.. Kept insisting his Son to tell that he is a Muslim when any one asks him.. started polluting that young guys mind by talking anti Hindu things to him.. this girl couldnt take it any more and finally filed for divorce and moved in to her parents house with her 2 year old Son.. her parents had to accept her seeing her pitiable condition.. that Guy got re married had has fathered four children and is happily settled in some Gulf country and has not even made attempt to see his first Son nor do anything for him..
    This girl is today a 45 years old working as senior executive in some Firm, still single , her Son has finished his BE and doing his masters in US ( all finance funded by his Mom) and his only wish is to see his Mom happy in future.. recently I met him and spoke to him..
    There are many successful inter religion marriages but this story is of a person who is very close to us..
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    That's why it is very important to have awareness about the religious, cultural and social/familial background of your partner, rather than just sticking to his/her lovable promises.

    Certain religions like Islam and even Christianity has strict rules when it comes to inter-faith marriages. A person can say whatever comes to his mouth as promise at that time. But when it comes to life, it is commonsense that he would follow what everyone follows in his religion or society or country. So, having a commonsense matters here.
     
  8. sujataidreams

    sujataidreams New IL'ite

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    the problem is the generation gap !!! and off course the behaviour that never changes...
     
  9. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    SGBV, I dont know the practice in Sri Lanka, but I just stated what happens commonly in India. Of course, even in India there are exceptions to the common practice.
     
  10. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    My observation is that in India people of abrahimic faiths are very particular about kids following their own religion in inter religious marriages.
     

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