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Kanyadaan should stop??

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Jhilmill, Nov 25, 2014.

  1. perfundo

    perfundo Silver IL'ite

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    Isn't it humans that abuse in the name of religion or whatever?

    All this while I thought, religion is a pretext for the abuser. I feel equally hopeless about the Vetican santhoods and the godmen cults in India etc. if you think of it all, all these high religion places peddle religion as a means to retain power.

    if an abuser feels Kanyaadan empowers him, we decide to take away Kanyadaan, awesome :), well until he finds another one to piggyback! on to.

    Just my two cents! no countering anyone really.... now where is the popcorn stall?
     
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  2. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    I am not sure if they will get the message just by not having kanyadaan as our society is not at a stage where you would like them me , it is always beneficial to spell out clearly what you or daughters feel strongly about be it financial, surnames , inlaws parental responsibilities or no responsibilities and much more .

    i am sure there will be like minded guy families who may think similarly.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    We will do that.....if the girls give us a choice.If not ...they better choose guys who don't expect the usual stuff from them.Either ways...they know,whatever they do,whether right or a mistake,we will be there for them.We are not giving them away for good.
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    There are women in India who work in fields. When labor starts, they go deliver the baby, without epidural, with the help of other women or unofficial midwife, and pretty soon they are back in the field, working and taking break to feed the baby.

    Things are most intense in the first 4-5 days, and that is the very time when the new family needs the most privacy. If the help from parents comes with absolutely no accompanying problems, then great, but otherwise, no thanks.

    The physical help can also come from professionals. For the advice, there is the internet, and phone calls to doctor's office.
     
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  5. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

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    oh, absolutely. it used to be that women went to their parent's home for the delivery and all sorts of pampering would ensue. not everyone lucks out similarly, but it was the norm.
     
  6. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    How about the father and his bonding with the baby? I think the first weeks with the new baby is very special for the family and they should have the right to privacy.
     
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  7. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

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    i knew someone one was going to bring up "but how will the father bond"? our fathers had no problem bonding with us even if the "special window" had passed. as if there is a timeline or something. :roll:
    this whole privacy thing is a bit overblown. i am not suggesting we make a family theater or something, but swinging the pendulum to the other extreme is also silly.
     
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  8. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Agreed fully, and now on 18th page, even on 180th page - the same things will be said. People (incl. yours truly, of course) have their opinions, their knowledge or lack thereof, and in the history of IL - except in a few rare cases - il-ites wont change their opinions whether on page 18 or 180. Rakhi, Can I get some cranberry flavored popcorn ?
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The father being there with the mother every step of the way during labor and delivery, being there with her in those days and nights after bringing the baby home, able to do everything except breastfeeding, learning how to care for the baby along with the new mother, the whole thing.. bonding is not just father being there with the baby, it is the new family having some time to themselves as they savor and realize the precious new addition to the family.

    It is priceless.

    For the first few weeks, we limited visitors to weekends only, and just late afternoon. I had the time to make myself, baby and the house presentable. Those things mattered to me, and we now have great pictures of all visiting, holding the baby, and of us at other times -relaxing with the baby, just us family.

    Did we miss having family to help? Yes, a bit. I did shed a few tears on having to eat food from the fridge warmed up. But the trade-off was worth it. And it set the pattern for future care of the baby (and sibling when that arrived). Our kids, our responsibility. From conception to delivery to college. Amen.

    What happens in the Indian scenario is that the other help becomes the primary help, and husband/father reduced to onlooker status. The woman's mother or MIL tend to shoo the man away from baby related tasks and kitchen tasks.
     
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  10. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    Of late, my fickle mind says, whole marriage business is regressive!.. people who get marry are regressive..! where are you nandita??
     
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