Why posters stop posting in Relationship forum?

rachaputi · Nov 20, 2014

Everyone problems resembling same content, so people vexed and stopped- MIGHT

And the updated posts and suggestions are enough to start and survive in a married life to any girl

Quebec · Nov 20, 2014

Well i'll tell the truth that nobodys gonna say......

I was at rel forum earlier because of SATCHITANANDA and ANITAP..
They were the life of the forum..

I mean come on RELMODERATOR seems more like a ID that is kept for usage when necessary not a active lovely member who is involved in it all.......

So firstly no plant can grow if you dont nurture it right......

Like ARUNARC does for the forums she moderates....... Always encouraging and helpful....... She is one of the best.......

Also i miss Dinny, Nakshu.... Well also i have not tried much to contact them but still.....

And lastly.... Well as you know some very very helpful members were pushed out of the Rel forum and then expecting them to come back to again be humiliated is well highly optimistic.

Well i did leave IL twice and it was only because of SATCHI and ANITAP that i again came back.

So there is what i think about all this.

Well Rihana you know all this..... Dont you.........

OR OR OR.... Was this your evil plan to throw light on the evil of IL..... He he he......... Qbaba ki jai ho......

Q is the best......... I likey....

Take Care
Chow

guesshoo · Nov 20, 2014

Rihana, I saw the thread soon after you created it. And I've been thinking about why I do not post here as often as I used to.

I feel a sense of despair when I see a educated young woman putting up with nonsense for the sake of God-knows-what... And can't think of anything new to say which would change the decades of stupid social conditioning she has undergone.

and the annoyance I feel when a DIL goes the other way and expects unrealistically from her ILs is unparalleled. She wants the world to change to her whims; all I want to say is "get real, girl"

Of late seeing post after post of so many similar problems, I feel the causes are so deep rooted that all I want to say to most posters is, "go, get some therapy and straighten your head. There is no shame in it; it would drastically improve the quality of your life."

Why don't people just take the happy medium? is it so very difficult??

Rihana · Nov 20, 2014

The pot seems to be boiling just fine, and insights coming to the surface. And so far no pot calling the kettle black. Good.

My guesses on the reasons why regular posters stop posting:

Relationship forum has topics that are very intense. Responses also become intense. Many suggestions are based on posters own life experiences. The desire to help and be understood is strong. I was reading perfundo's response in thread. Perfundo is a self-admitted lurker, but the post was quite strongly worded. I was thinking that if a lurker can feel so strongly about threads and posts, then what about regular posters.

I think Reln forum posters start to become like 911 operators. React to the distress in the calls for help, and think about the posts even after logging off from IL. This is where Ragini's idea of attached-detachment helps.

Then there is the fact that majority of members who post are female. Imagine a room full of men who respond to a problem one man has. Contrast that with a room full of women responding to a problem narrated by a woman. I will leave it to your imagination, and not list the differences.

I do miss the regular posters when they stop posting, and often I do not have their contact info, so it feels even more sad, but, posters joining, becoming active, and then leaving is the norm in any such setting. Even at work, people come, stay for a while, and some go.

In my opinion, one way to retain posters would be to make the "problems" threads a smaller percentage of overall threads. This can be done by starting more fun, light threads, and some serious threads that discuss problems, stereotypes, and gender issues, but in a general manner, not specific to one OP's problem. Right now, the highest percentage is of individual problems posted by members, and that can be either depressing or same-old-same-old for regular posters.

Quebec: "Well as you know some very very helpful members were pushed out of the Rel forum and then expecting them to come back to again be humiliated is well highly optimistic."

Quebec, yes, I have some idea of members leaving under not so happy circumstances. Since you've been frank enough to state that, I'll be honest in my response: I am upset and disturbed when members leave for reasons like those, and I stay away for a while also, due to sadness or a sense of loyalty. Then, I come across some post or thread that is interesting, or see a post by senior member, and I log in and next phase starts. So again, Ragini's idea that the attachment to IL has to be managed, is key.

I hope to one day again soon see posts from Soka and Naksh.