Feeling irritated with this money situation

Everytime we visit India, we have to give a lump-sum to ILs. This time we are at the brink of a big expense and have to take a big loan to afford it. DH quit his job and is planning to study. Last few years, there was a period when I was unemployed. It was obviously difficult time. Knowing all this they still NEVER refuse to take said lump-sum. They say 'no need for money' just for formality but in the end they happily take it.

DH is too sweet to realise this and says he is paying back his education loan to ILs. Even if it is considered loan, do any parents take cash from children when they are trying to settle down and planning to take a big loan?

My own parents will never take a single penny from me or DH. .
If I bring it up, DH gets v upset and we end up fighting.

Feeling irritated shakehead Any one else have similar problems? How do you tackle?

 

No such thing! Good question. MIL is a govt. employee still in service and has quite a few years before she retires. FiL is retired govt. employee and gets pension every month. Apart from this DH's granny who is mentally retarded also gets pension from Government.

So you see for a house of two - they have three incomes. Apart from this, they live in own house and have recently bought another house.

So as you can see, there's no need for money. DH pays back because he says they spent 30 lakhs for his education. But all those loans are closed now.

But MIL and FIL know very well that we are postponing have child because of financial issues. And they also know very well that I was unemployed and we were running on single income. Now DH is unemployed and we are still running on single income. Plus we have to spend another 40 lakhs for DH education in the coming months.

Still they happily take money and keep it with them. They NEVER have said you settle first - we will take money later.

I feel so angry. DH does not realise he is being used as cash cow. When DH said he is going to study to FIL, he said we already spent so much why you want to study again. And he also said so many sons staying abroad buy houses for their parents - we are not asking for that! I was shocked. That means they are expecting us to buy house for them!

Whenever we give money - they happily take it - even if i had told them about all our money problems only few hours ago.

Before, there was a period when we were not able to give money. I was unemployed then. FIL went and told all friends and relatives that it was because of me that his son was not sending money. Then when my parents visited their house, FIL showed account book to my father and said his son is not sending money because of me.

How can I make DH understand that his parents are being unreasonable? My FILs dont have any big financial commitment now. DH has no other siblings also.

I just feel like running away somewhere!

 

Yogirl, DH is going to do second master's degree and we are not asking for any help from them for this. I am going to take loan and pay for it. For first master's degree - they spent 30 laks. We already gave about 10 lakhs. There are no outstanding bank loans for this either.

But my point is - when they know we have such a big investment coming up - why can't they say they will take the money later on. It's not like we are going to run away without giving money. It's only for a short while until DH finishes education.


So if that is the case. Even my parents made me study MS in UK. And they bore marriage expenses also. If I start giving money to my parents, do you think my MIL will like it? Just because I was unemployed for short while and DH was not able to give money itself FIL went and told whole world that DH is not sending money home because of me. Imagine if I started giving money to my parents. What will happen then.