My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it away

Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

Hi oysterzzz,

Thanks for your reply.

I know for a fact they did not give their guests any gold. Only a saree to each lady. My parents also gave gifts to my in laws' guests, as well as paid for accommodation. My in laws gave nothing to our side. All arrangements were made by our side.

They had initially said they would share half the cost of marriage, but after marriage was fixed, they declined to contribute. Had I known this earlier, I would not have married into this family. I believe firmly that marriage should not be a financial transaction. And I do not care much about the jewellery, but the fact that I am now associated with such narrow - minded people.

The gifts were taken away with the promise of returning them later. This incident has lessened my respect for my mother in law. Its been almost 3 months now since the wedding. Added to that, they say very proudly that their family is against any form of dowry, and that they did not take anything from us.

 

Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

sunshine 1970 and pinky2014,

You are so lucky to have such understanding in laws.
Good to know there are some in laws that are so nice.

 

Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

Poonamk1,

That is really bad.
Does your husband know about this?

 

Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

Hi Reesha,

Those were not gifts from my husband's immediate family, but from his extended family, consisting of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. So I don't think they can really pin point me about their gold things.

I will try to ask during functions, but I don't think I can do it twice, without my mother in law seeing through it.

 

Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

Also, I am having some other problems with my mother in law.

My husband called his parents in the morning once while I was asleep.
He mentioned to them that I was asleep and hence could not talk to them.
My mother in law called my mother up and told her I was so angry with her that I was not speaking to her. She pretended to be very understanding. She asked my mother for my mobile number, saying she would call me and talk to me to understand why I was avoiding her. My mother gave her my mobile number, and also called me asking me not to be negligent of my responsibility to my in laws.

We Skype with our in laws whenever DH has time. Sometimes we call them. My MIL had our land line number all along. She could have called if she wanted to talk to me. Also, as we are in USA, it is we who call them. I was furious that she misrepresented the situation to my mother. I did not call her as I do not want to give into manipulation. I waited for her call. It has been a month, and no calls from her. She has rebuffed earlier attempts on my part to interact with her. So I do not call her myself. I talk to her when my husband is around too. I have maintained decent relations with her, and obey her. I did not tell this to my DH as I did not want to create an unpleasant situation.

Later, one day, my husband and I were on Skype with my in laws. We had barely completed 2 months of marriage. Out of nowhere, my MIL asked me if I had missed my period. She asked me if I was pregnant. I was completely unprepared for this question. I sad no. Then she asked me when was the last time you spoke to your parents? I said three days ago. She said - Then you probably don't know your parents are looking at babies everywhere when they go out. Your mother said she wants a grandchild. Your father went to the park, and there were kids everywhere. He said he was looking at the kids and thinking - This is what your kids would look like. Your parents want grandkids soon. So you did not miss your period? Your mother told me you had. That's why I asked.

She also told me that my mother was going to have a cataract operation and my mother did not want to tell me so that I don't worry. MIL told me not to tell my mother I knew because my mother had asked MIL not to tell me.

I understand that my mother wanted to keep it a secret from me as I live abroad, and could do nothing but worry. I also do not think she should have told me this as it was my mother's decision, if she wanted to tell me or not.

After this, I called my mother and asked her whether she had said anything about grandkids to my MIL. I knew my mother would not pressurize me to have kids just 2 months into marriage. My mother said that she had told MIL- It was too early to have children, and that we should enjoy our marriage now, and not worry about kids for another 2 years (I just turned 26).

My mother had just mentioned that my father was missing me, and looking at some kid at a party my father had said that If I had a child, it would look like that, that the child had similar features as me. My mother also said that my MIL was the one who was talking about grandkids the entire time after that. My mother told me she thought it was too soon for us to have kids. But my MIL did not notice it, and continued talking about how it was time to have grandkids. I have never missed a period after marriage, so it just seemed weird that my MIL said that my mother told her I missed my period. There was no talk about missing period or pregnancy.

I did not tell my mother I knew of her cataract operation, as she preferred that I not know.

My DH finds nothing wrong with whatever his mother said. I was a little taken aback when she asked me about pregnancy and missed period. She continued rambling and did not give me time to say that I was not pregnant. Also, I was worried about my mother's health, and felt bad my MIL had told me when my mother did not want to. Anyway, my DH found fault with me. He said I was being rude on the call. I was just surprised and hurt, and did not want to interrupt MIL when she was speaking, out of respect for her. I told him I knew my mother did not want grandkids now and she never mentioned anything about missed period to my MIL. He says there was miscommunication between my mother and MIL. My MIL just got the wrong idea that I was pregnant! He also said his mother would never pressurize me to have a child. He also said I should call his mother more often and get to know her well so I can understand how good she is. DH also said that his mother is not the villain I make her out to be. I only told him the facts as I knew them, without saying anything about his mother. I just said how it made me feel. Still, he blamed me.

PS: My MIL had talked to my DH about having kids just 2 days after our wedding. She had also told me to have kids as early as possible. DH had got angry with MIL then, as both of us don't want kids for 2 years at least.