Desperate.. Please suggest!

‘m in a real difficult situation and don’t know how to deal with it.
Please help me to come out from this.

Here is my story starts.
I have been married now for 4 years its arranged marriage, and I’m facing lot of problems now. Every day when I wake up I used to think what is going to happen today

Actually I loved the person before marriage and both of our house strongly disagree that, and from my home I was in house arrest for some time.
But I was waiting for the guy 3 years without any contact(I believed him he will come one day and talk to my parents)
But the looser without saying anything married and got kid. When I got to know that I was really depressed and it took me lot of time to come out from that
Then my family trusted & understand me how I felt then they send me to work again. Then slowly I came out from that almost after 1 ½ yrs. I agreed for marriage . when I said OK to marriage I was very much out from the last love

And when this marriage proposals came, after seeing him and talk to him in 10 mins I got to know he is not my kind, and I was bit reluctant to go ahead. When I said the same to my parents they were thinking I was still in my previous thoughts that’s why ‘am not agreeing for the marriage
My father was gone into bed ridden and whole family started blaming me as my husband had very good habit no smoking, no drinking and well earning and family etc..etc.. and even I don’t have any specific reason to say NO I don’t see any fault but I didn’t felt something

After lot of emotional conversation with parents and family I agree for the marriage and that time I felt I should be very honest to my husband and live my life happily , even the cheater can live why can’t I?
After engagement we had 2 months for marriage, but my husband never calls me or take me anywhere (even we both worked nearby) , we hardly met 2-3 times even that time also his words hurts lot and I used to cry. When I sent any good morning message he said why you disturbs me then I stopped sending, but if I didn’t ask anything he will ask me why you didn’t ask.. I was in total confusion

But my husband family’s real face started show off when the day before marriage , they started fighting and my husband left me all alone in the stage due to no room for their guests. It made me really fear over him as he was scolding me in front of others
Then all relatives convinced and marriage over, he is not ready to took pictures with me as he got irritated when the photographer asked to give pose. It was my dream lot and lot of pictures at the marriage time, but everything gone. Still I had the hope he is nice but short temper
So I decided not to tell my past love, even that time I was out from everything I don’t want to think about it also.

It’s not the life I thought of, when I was with him. He will be nice one time but immediately he will hurt me by some words. Initially I was crying only. I don’t want to say this to anyone as I strongly believed husband and wife problems should not go out from room.
When my MIL came to stay with us, still the problem raised lot, he used to talk and stay with her for long time, after I slept he used to come for sleep. And I was really tired those days as all the households myself and office work made me tired soon.
We didn’t had any physical intimacy from the day one. He don’t like romantic movies or anything. But he is technically strong programmer so he always discuss with me about technologies and even I used to listen , I thought this is his interest so accept and get along.
I was trying to get his attraction in any way and be a good wife to him. But I understand that he don’t have any stable mind. He changes his thoughts every minute and he expects the same from me and accept whatever he do even if he said anything wrong. That was really hard for me because I’m very stable person and it took lot of homework for me to change my mind.

Meanwhile he went to abroad and those days were horrible, everyday he used to scold me for small things and make me cry over phone. I used to get fear to attend his call. Then I got my visa and came there, I was thinking we were fighting because of distance if we were nearby everything will be over and he was also much interested to take me. With lot of hope and dream I landed , but there my real shock. He confronted my last love, then I accepted and told him it’s all over and I don’t have any thought about that. Then he started beating me for every action I do and scold me with bad words for everything which I never heard from anyone in my family. I was accepting everything as I thought it’s my mistake thats’y so let him prove my love on him and make him happy.

It never happen till this day .. till this day in my 4 yrs. Of marriage he never kissed me, one day when I tried and asked him, he said I don’t have any worth to asking for that . for each and everything he used to say I’m a cheater and not worth for anything. But even in sometime after hurts he will come and ask me ‘come, we will go to hospital. Why you are doing things which I don’t like’ and he ‘ll be nicely talk to me for 5 mins. He expect me to come and compromise immediate when he speaks but that it’s really difficult for me the words make me real worse and it took me at least 30 mins to come out. Again the fight starts, these days when weekend comes I used to scare to go home. I feel really depressed. Now a days I also burst out and started asking why u do all this, you are like this from day one. You don’t want to touch me and now you got one reason for that.

Still I don’t know what makes me to stay here, I feel someday he will understand me but I’m really stressed if anyone loved and its broken is the person does not have any life. Is they are blamed for the whole life. But the cheater live the very good life, why I suffer a lot.
I don’t want to break anything I want to be nice to him and love him from my heart. But the words he uses not made to go near to him. It’s there always in mind it stops me to anything and the fear makes me to lose all my confidence. I feel I lost in my life.

 

Thanks to everyone for all your concerns and prayers.

Yes, i have informed this to everyone at home. but that makes even worse.
i know he likes his mother much, and he don't have much respect to my parents so decided and informed my MIL all about how he treats me, that time i was bit emotional and i was informing her with crying and loud. she was scolding him in front of me but later she told my parents i didn't gave any respect to her(!!)
but again everything became reverse he got lot of angry towards me as he thinks i insulted and complained to his mom. then i stopped saying anything to anyone. then he started complaining to my parents every time whenever any fight ' I'm not giving respect to him blah..blah'. my parents were scolding me why u do all this, this time i was frustrated and open everything to my parents (except our physical relation). when they ask about this to IL's its not went smooth conversation. they started blaming like he was good before after marriage only he changed because of my behaviour, even no one will believe how he treats me most of them thinks I'm overreacting for everything, sometime i feel whether i behave abnormally!!!.but if parents say anything also, he wont react immediately he will keep everything in mind and later when i was normal he will start slowly its makes me really frustrate.
i accept i don't have much courage to come out from this, i too wish to have a kid and lead a happy life with him. i feel he reacts and behaves all with me not with anyone he is nice to everyone, so reserved and nice person.

now a days i got guiltiness whether i changed him , but the truth is now i behave very differently very hard and started scolding him and shouting for each and everything .previously when he says anything i used to cry but now its changed even when i cry I'm fighting and arguing which i hate later when my anger goes. is any counselling will change everything?