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Husband not talking with my parents from his side

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by pinky2014, Sep 5, 2014.

  1. pinky2014

    pinky2014 New IL'ite

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    Hello friends,

    We stay in US. I have been married for 1 and a half years , it was an arrange marriage. I have been observing this since we got married. My husband never talks with my parents from his side. I feel very sad because of this.
    However , he will talk with them(my parents) whenever i will say him , like it has been months you haven't spoken with them plz talk with them, then he will call , but never show interest from his side to talk with them. I talk with his parents in every 3- 4 days,even I call my SILs every 3-4 days.My husband calls his own parents once in a week. In general he is good to me , loves me , cares for me, spends time with me. He has no problem with my parents , whenever he talks with them he is respectful to them,talks nicely with them, but my only problem is that he doesn't call them from his side. Is it normal?


    Please advice.

    Thanks,
    Pinky
     
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  2. SwathiRamana

    SwathiRamana Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Op,

    First of all, iam happy for you about his love towards you...

    I understand your concern..But it happens with 99% of the Men, no one would intiate the call to wife parents that doesnt mean he donot like them or donot show interest...Same with my Husband..

    Infact my father calls him every week just to say hi n hello...or if i talk to them i handover the phone to he will talk, talking to his parents differs to your parents..As DIL its our responsibility to talk to the inlaws and SIL as we belong o=this family now...

    It is quite normal..donot be sad..Enjoy his love and your time...

    All the best pinky...
     
  3. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    yes its very common! dnt wry !!
    i try reverse psychology, evertym my dh toks to my mom ill snatch the phn n not let him talk, this makes him try to connect with my mom more !! :biggrin2:
     
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  4. sacredbell

    sacredbell Silver IL'ite

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    Its very common.

    Just try to find out, if he had any expectation from your parents during or after marriage.

    Sometimes it happens. DH expect land / car / money as gift and when they don't get something as per their expectation they show their disappointment by various means.
    Ignoring the in laws are a common reaction.
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Next time while you are busy...tell him to call your parents are you are tied down and you want to talk.Let him wish them and then take over.

    Sometimes they just don't realise and have to be told.My husband used to call my dad Col.abc ...one day I told him I will start calling his dad Col.xyz.That made him realize his mistake.

    Don't make it an issue but encourage him. My dad often wants advice from my husband about his car....I tell my husband to give him a call as he needs advice.

    When I want my parents to take some advice on their health issues ...I ask my husband to talk to them as they don't listen to me.

    The most likely excuse you are likely to get is"I don't know what to talk to them."You can use the same the next time you call his parents.He will realize it.

    Unless your husband is a talkative bird .....don't expect him to talk to them as often as you do.

    If you have good relations with his side of the family and enjoy talking to them....then keep it up.If you don't enjoy it that much and resent that you have to do it more often...slowly reduce the frequency. No point in talking more and resenting.Better talk less and be happy.
    Cheers
     
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  6. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    I think most men are this way in the beginning. Especially as you say you live here in the US and your parents are in India. When there is this geographical distance, the closeness between your husband and your parents will take time to develop. But with gentle nudging(has to be gentle and subtle, else our dear men take offense) over the years, the bond will form.

    In my case, it was my husband's love for computers and my father's lack of knowledge in that area that bonded them. Now if my father has an issue, he will e-mail me, I tell DH, and he will call my dad up to figure it out.
     
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  7. JigsSM

    JigsSM Silver IL'ite

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    Yes its very common dear... Husband doesn't likes to talk much infact men but they want their wives to have a good relation with his parents & sis/bro. Even i faced same issue when my inlwas used to stay in another city, my hubby will ask me to talk with his parents every day for 1 or 2 mins. But he would never ever call to my parents. And same is the situation now as well. He doesn't talks but he will call him parents everyday that too twice. Boys/husbands wants to be close to their parents and make them feel near to them always. Don't worry. You can also limit your calls to his parents but situation won't change, as we are so called "BAHUS" of their family and it is us who have to adjust. So i think you will have to ask him to call you parents, he would never show interest from his side.
     
  8. pinky2014

    pinky2014 New IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot ladies.. i feel much lighter :) :)

    I think the problem might be that he has never got much chance to develop the bond with my parents back in india, as after marriage he came to US within a month and i came here after 2 months, so i got a good chance to mix with his parents.

    Correctly said yellomango, he gives excuses like "I don't know what to talk to them." And nice advice :)

    Anyways, yesterday I have told him that he should talk with my parents atleast once in 2-3 weeks as they will feel good,and you are like a son to them, as i have no brothers, he has agreed to it.

    Let's hope for the best :)
     
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  9. pinky2014

    pinky2014 New IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot , Very true , i think it will take time , as both sides have not got enough time to become close to each other. :)
     
  10. roc

    roc Senior IL'ite

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    It is very common. My dad maintained a very formal relationship with my mother's parents while my mother took care of his parents like her own parents. Women are more talkative by nature and that is why they get into more fights or in rare occasions more close to their MILs to happen than husbands with their father in laws. My husband likes them. When my husband recommends some medical test for his parents, he tells I should call my parents and ask them to do the same. I ask him that why doesn't he tell them directly. He says that he prefers me telling. So I call my parents for a long call. In the middle, he talks to them and tells them to get the tests done to prevent anything serious in future. My mother likes the fact he thinks about them too while asking for his parents to do the tests. I know my husband is unexpressive and comes across awkward at times but I am happy he thinks about my parents.
     

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