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Will this work?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by tulipzz, May 20, 2014.

  1. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't speak to my in laws on the phone anymore. But am forced to when we are in India. Thankfully it is only one life full of indignity.
     
  2. jigisha321

    jigisha321 Gold IL'ite

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    Tulipzz, it is a good idea to not get effected by IL-s. But not such a good idea to tell your H to never tell you anything about them. I guess it is good to have knowledge on what is going on without being effected by it.
    Will it ensure peace if your H interacts with them regularly and you have no inkling of what is going on behind your back ? I don't think so.
    I suggest that keep an open ear but shut out other feelings..tough but practical..
     
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  3. Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    I haven't spoken to my MIL for about 2 years now. I cant seem to forget or forgive things she has done to me and my hubby. My hubby talks to her and takes care of her. I have no objection over that. He despised her for a while but I persuaded him to forgive her as she is his mother.

    My point is, if not talking to them can prevent further complication, I'd rather maintain the silence. Even my son is not talking to her despite my advise.

    Some say forgive and forget as she is your MIL and MIL's are like our mother but sometimes the hurt is too great to be forgiven. Anyway she did say that I am not your mother to look after you after the delivery of my kid so why should I treat her like my mother? Fair enough right.

    So, Tulipzz....go with your heart because only the person who suffered the agony knows the pain.
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Forgive them if you can. Forgive them only if they ask for (openly or by their actions) forgiveness. Forgive them as per your own terms. Go with your heart and faith. Everyone takes their own times, so wait till you feel okay about forgiving them. But remember, they should at least accept their fault, not repeat it again and wait/ask for your forgiveness.

    But never forget them. I do not mean keep the grudges and dwell in the past. Don't even develop further hatred. Just keep in the corner of your heart, that you had been ill-treated, disrespected, humiliated, and punished by these people once or several times, which had severely damaged your life. It has taken a few years to come to terms with your physical, emotional and sometimes financial power. So, keep that in mind whenever, apply your commonsense whenever you have to mingle with them once again.

    I always think this way...

    "I was young, energetic and above all I was just a new bride when they abused me. Even though I suffered a near death experience in the hands of them. Imagine my situation now. Not so young, not so energetic, emotionally weak and specifically a mother of two. I may not be able to bounce back if I am to face their torture once again. So, better be safe than be sorry later". Just a word of caution though.
     
  5. positivegal

    positivegal Gold IL'ite

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    Its not a good idea to completely cut all ties with inlaws. Just minimise it.
     
  6. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Tulipz I have read all your posts and know exactly how you feel. Are you getting any professional help, as I think this might help. I know your IL are living in India and your SIL recently got married and is about to shift close to you. I would suggest if the IL issues are still bothering you despite you not speaking to them in 4 years their might be some deeper issues. I had to seek professional help cause even though I don't talk or associate much with my IL my DH obviously does and I needed to see a therapist to accept this as this is probably what's bothering you. That is my advice as I know they are not in your day to day life but they are in your head and you need to work with that.
     
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