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Please help- DH's past affair

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Vgpss, Jan 31, 2014.

  1. JeyaEdison

    JeyaEdison Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I just read all your post. I can't help myself from typing this. He's not worth it. Its only your 1st year. Can you imagine 20, 30, 50 years putting up with this kind of man? Get out of it. I'm sure you would find another gentleman.
    If your husband was really sincere, without you telling him to distant himself from her, he would have done it long time back. He himself would have quit his job, or moved to another place. Looks like he's never taken any initiative to be clean, but just trapped u with his lies.
    Tell him on his face, you don't trust him and have no reason to trust him, since he hasn't done anything to gain your trust. He should pay the price for what he has done, looks like he got out of this mess easily. My suggestion, don't tell the other woman's husband, because that poor soul would be torn apart just like u after so many years of marriage.
    Analyse some facts, like is he a good person otherwise? How he treats your parents, family, how does he take care of you, is he selfish (i'm sure he is), cruel, cunning, liar, calculative.....If he doesn't have any good quality, then ask yourself THE big question. I think u should tell your parents. Only to get emotional support, you shouldn't face this alone. At the same time, don't blindly listen to them, if they say stupid things like, be patient and put up with crap.
     
  2. Rukumaniqa

    Rukumaniqa Senior IL'ite

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    Hi

    Looking into your posts, I feel sorry for you but I can say, you are not alone. There are many women in this world who faces similar situation. So just brace yourself for the action.

    Your first priority should be your lovely new born. Believe, you must be happy and should be loaded with all positive energy. You gave yourself to him just because of the love and affection over your parents. That is not great always and makes me to feel like that you can't say "no" to anything forced on you emotionally with some coated tears. You are grown up and learn to say "No". I assume this is not going to happen for you in next 3 years at least, as you need emotional growth in all aspects of your life.

    You have one good reason for not breaking the marriage. He never started this affair after marriage. God saved you! Now, work on your family bonds to make it stronger.

    Your Mama has reached an age of Thirty at his marriage. Take it from me, living in SG and not looking out for *** till reaching 30 is only theoretical feasibility, unless he has strong courage and one among the rare. Clearly, your huby is not one of among those honest and controlled gentlemen. Hence, you can't do much about this. Past is past. But, that lady had used his weak sexual position to favour her part of Revenge plan and fulfill her Sxe desire. Your H may be partly correct on his statement, but, he bloody took that girl with full consent. No doubts or whatsoever. He is a weak character, as shown through out your episode. So, making confession to you before marriage, knowing tamil culture your family belongs, it will never result in marriage but loud cry publicity of his dirty side. He kept silent and very selfish indeed, but not guilty. May be cornered by situation and desire.

    However,
    As matter started to develop, he felt pride in finding warmth in other man's wife. Now after marriage, he tried to keep it up and manage the family by sideways. He started his mistakes and guilty acts here. He is/may be true love with you at least to ensure good bed relationship and family life. However, old pride made him to go for her. That is not love for her but dirty/****ty "Manhood" mania. You need to destroy it to bring fair terms before you pardon him.

    In one of my friends situation(ironically involving SG woman like you), I told my family member about the situation. He called during her work time and strongly mentioned(threatened, of course) about the following consequences;

    1. Informing their boss about the cheating(not very effective in SG, as she was not giving damn about it)
    2. Telling the kids about their mom (very effective and made her to listen)
    3. Passing on her information to police for online prostitution (make sure your hubby is in India, otherwise both may be locked in Jail)
    4. Alert (not tell your husband's name) her hubby about his wife's out of wedlock times unanimously

    This must happen to bring her to sense and to know and face consequences of destroying another family because she has gone broke on relationship. You can't keep quite anymore.

    Also, make sure your hubby is around you and on watch. Difficult but make it. Let him fully aware of the fact, one more mistake could end him up like total loser in and outside the family.

    Top priority is new one and you have enough time in this world to start the war. Take care of your new arrival very well. As your marriage is within blood relationship, it is essential you stay happy during these hours for child's development. Listen to nice music you like. Depression and too much of time on internet are bad

    My comments are honest and no offence meant. Kindly, none to be taken.

    Thanks.
     
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2014

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