Please help- DH's past affair

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Wonderful words dear.

Way to go girl... Pls stick by this, and be sure that you won't accept him with his past. If he wants you, he better leave everything behind and come clean. Leaving that woman means leaving his well settled job.. let it go. Don't worry about husband's job, bcz a life is most important than a job here. This is a very crucial period, so act wisely and never let your emotions run over your decisions. Be strong.

Show him that you are no more a dumb wife with weak emotions. Forget about your social issues. If not today, at least some other day things will become public and you will however have to face the society. So, better set things straight asap.

 

hugsmiley

hugs to u dear, pls stay strong. hopefully ur dh realise his lost and comes back to fast.

 

Hi op,
Hugs to you dear! Its heart-wrenching to hear what you are going through at this moment..IL's here have given you many good suggestions..Please stay strong come what may...Betrayal is the worst thing one could do to their life partner and it's really really hard to be forgiven..now that you have heard suggestions from all angles..it is your time now to take your call...you hit the nail hard by sending your email to him..one thing I cannot understand is - why are you afraid to let her husband know..there is a saying..uppa thinavan thanni kudichudhan aganum..means one who consumes salt will definitely have to drink water..let her too face the consequence..how dare she?? Without any guilt have been gelling along with you as if a family friend..It's getting on my nerves to hear about such things that lady has done..see the impact..the family system is collapsed..its a great damage to both the families...now you strictly tell her to walk
out from your life..threaten here she will be bashed left and right in front of her family and public..tell her you will spread this news to her office colleagues..if at all you feel he is worth giving second chance..before doing that try to find out if he has really come out clean leaving behind all the past deeds...make sure he is not covering their tracks under carpet...don't cry in front of him or over phone..be stern or act as if you are stern, be bold in your conversation and donor give him a chance to show that you are broken or weak at heart...you are in my prayers...all the best..handle your situation cleverly and carefully and let us know after your over comings..

 

Ur hsband is a number one fraud who deserves no pity at all. Let everyone know who he is. He has been blackmailing u all this while and putting up a fake mask to show he is innocent. I am happy u listened to the ILites and took things in the right away. Even if u start living with him after he confesses everything, please keep a watch on him(of course without him knowing). These kind of people can't be trusted one bit. I feel sorry for u dear. Take care of urself and the little one.

 

I'm so proud to see you take this strong approach Vgpss, and that it is already starting to work in your favor by forcing him to admit the lies he told in addition to the crap he's already made you go through. One has to wonder how much more there is.

This man who has exploited the good in you should now face your wrath and the consequences of his unethical actions. Don't let him wiggle out of it or sweet-talk his way through it. In fact, had I been in your shoes, not only would I get the other woman involved (make both of them sit down separately and talk to me straight so you can find the holes in their stories) but I would definitely notify the woman's husband once I am confident that I have enough of the real story.

It seriously irks me that not only has your DH proven to be unworthy of your love, trust or marriage, but that instead of truly making the efforts to pull away from this woman and her family, he forced you to play along with it instead. Not only that, be he even forced you to believe that he was trying to do "a noble thing" by having the affair and prevented you from not only being able to talk about it with your parents but to not even expose that woman's husband to the truth because it will shatter them. Seriously? Weaken your own marriage to protect this other family's image and marriage instead? And one that they claim is a fake one as it is? Instead of doing right by you and doing everything he can to preserve your marriage, he's instead feeding you lies to "justify his actions and the actions of the other woman." I just can't even digest that fact. That is undoubtedly the most messed up, selfish, and perverse thing for your DH to do. That is not love.

I seriously question your DH. I even question what he told this other woman about you anyway? That he was forced to marry you because of close family ties? I wonder what her story would be and what your DH mentioned about you to her. In the end, definitely her husband should learn the truth about his wife.

Best wishes to you and your little one. I am really proud of the strength you've shown and I hope it will get swiftly get you the results and clarity you need to be able to make the decisions that are right for you in the future so you can move past this unfortunate circumstance. I'm awed at how the universe unveiled the true nature of this man who was deceiving you all along and continues to do so, as well. Have to admit, the universe certainly has its ways to ensure the best for us in the long term.

Personally, once I learned the full truth, I don't think I could live with someone like that or been able to continue marriage with such a man because people like this never change (at least, not from what I've seen/heard). And I just wouldn't be able to bear a life in the future where I have to always second-guess him, his real motives, or monitor his every move. I could not picture living life with someone who could lie to me so easily and that I would have to hold at gun point or twist his arm (metaphorically) to tell me the truth. A life with someone like that doesn't seem like a very happy one, nor one that I would want to raise a child around. I may sound harsh, but seriously, that's just me. I can't help but feel angry that this is happening to you.

 

Hi vgpss, i'm a male on this forum. I really wish you had tried listening to what i said without defending your husband's actions. I find more often than not, the people who keep justifying their spouse's behaviour are the ones who get most hurt in the end.

And can I ask you one thing? Honestly, what do you hope to achieve after he confesses to his own parents? I mean seriously, this is very childish. He is not telling you the truth but yet you want him to confess to his parents. His parents won't understand this and simply say "beta leave that other woman and now concentrate on your marriage, we love you". And his parents will tell you "DONT YOU DARE TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS". You will then be left with 3 people in your life you will keep watching your move everywhere. And his mother will be more involved in your lives.

Then you will have a husband who will hate you for putting him in this position.

Seriously please re-read all my posts in this thread, I told you from the beginning that you weren't getting the truth.

STOP INVOLVING OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS MESS. FIX IT YOURSELF FIRST!

 

I knew a guy who did the same thing to my friend before he got married. I thought he's the worst type of guy. I mean he had an affair with a married woman/divorcee when he was single. But he stopped his affair after he got married and was loyal to his wife.

It says a lot about a guys character if he continues the affair, even after his marriage and that too at an early stage. Things would be different if u were not pregnant.
My suggestion : Don't have any hope on this guy, that he would change. Just concentrate on the baby for now. If a miracle happens and if he changes, good for you. Otherwise, it'll be good life for you, to get rid of fear, suspicion, trauma and a cheater for a husband. Sorry to sound harsh, but lets hope for a miracle to happen. Miracles do happen in one way or the other. is doing

Just tell him, for now you can only forgive him but not forget it completely. It'll be only justified if you cheat on him an had another affair just like how he did to you, and how his girlfriend is doing it to her husband.
Then he'll know the pain. Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking you to do it, just tell him for the sake of showing him the amount of agony he has caused you.

I really hope God gives you courage and stregth to face this. Divert your attention 100% away from him, and look forward for the beautiful baby.