Why women are not standing by themselves and say I will not...

OP,
yes,I agree with you...I always feel ashamed when I see educated ,career woman ,so called modern woman don't refuse marriage alliances where dowry is demanded.........
sometimes I do think education has failed to bring up really change in the mentality of people.......highly educated young people will buckle under the trend & accept dowry .......
its not the question of whether parents can afford or not....its a moral, question.....

unfortunalely ,many young women even consider it as their right & will demand dowry themselves from parents ........many young women feel ,as girls have equal right in parents income,they are morally justified to demand dowry from their own parents, specially as newly married woman they need the comfort of established house with all modern amenities.............

we always blame the guy & his parents for demanding dowry but fail to blame the girl & her parents who accepted this demand & tried to fulfill it...........

in above case suppose the parents had deposited 30lakhs in her account ,she would have lived a very good life just on the interest..............

 

I seriously do not understand why people seek dowry for bringing a girl in to their home as DIL for she is the one who is leaving her family, relatives and friends. I feel these dowry practices are still getting aggravated even in this modern era.people consider it as a pride.i always get this question in my mind that unlike a boy child even a girl child is raised by parents providing best education and job and what makes a difference when it comes to marriage??

I have seen especially guys parent are so much worried about their relative circle when it comes to this dowry matter.they definitely want to say and indeed happy to say that they are getting x amount and x pounds of jewels from the girl's side.:bang

I wonder even educated girls do not have the guts to say no to these alliance. And a real hero is one who stops his parents from demanding the dowry.one has to look out for a good family and an educated girl.this is purely my opinion.Money can never buy these.it is high time the society has to change rather the youngsters have to create the change.

 

The society outlook has to change. Women need to be treated at par. And it has to start from within.

 

Amount of dowry offered is the main factor in the bargain. First step in the talks would be amount of dowry.

That is the reality, as it exists, everywhere, not with your two female friends only.

 

Women in India (not all of them) are taught that self respect (positive virtue) = ego (negative virtue).

If they stand up and fight for themselves, they will be called tyrannical DIL.

If they dont fight but only vent online, they will be told not to wash dirty linen in public.

 

So true, OP.

To me it depends on who has control over those 'gifts'.While I have no problems with parents gifting their children anything they wish, I have huge problems with parents of girls handing over their life savings to the girl's husband and ILs. The guys who take dowry ought to have better sense, not to mention shame, too.

I personally cannot stand by it; thankfully, it just doesn't exist in the community that I come from. Any time someone brings it up as a fact of life, I have had no qualms asking them why they want to get married (or get their sons/ siblings married) if the guy doesn't even have the means to support his wife without her parent's money! Has led to extreme discomfort of other person, I ungraciously, yet happily admit.

I have personally seen several girls and parents of girls who stand up against it and rid themselves of alliances where any unfair "gifting" is sought. Yet, ever too often people are extremely misguided into thinking the more ransom they pay, the happier their girl will be.

The person I'm proudest of is a guy. A friend of mine is from a caste where dowry is rampant. When his parents started looking out for alliances, he told his mum that if anything is given to him or his parents in the form of dowry he would simply call the wedding off. Even the girl's parents argued with him for refusing to accept dowry since it was a matter of "status". He was adamant. He said, give your daughter things she will enjoy. I am no one to come between you and your daughter. However, I want to be the one to provide her with comfortable lifestyle. He was berated by all extended relatives, yet he stuck to his guns. And has gained the most adoring wife ever!

We need more in the public media - movies, TV etc. - showing everyday women standing up for themselves rather than portraying the stupid, doormat losers as the best of them all.