Marrying the one you love

I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. Had a feeling that we could get along forever. Attracted to him physically as well as mentally. Had a personality I liked. Etc.

My family was against it. There was no convincing. At the time of our marriage, nobody had become 'convinced' so we went ahead anyways. I would say it took a year and half to get everyone talking to us again. Oh well, it was worth it.

I didn't have any expectations except that we should continue to love each other and work towards building a good life for ourselves. Till today we have continued to do those things, so there's been no dissapointments between me and dh.

I regret the fights me and dh had early on in our marriage. I regret the bad way his family treated me while they were here visiting us in U.S. But I don't regret marrying dh. Only thing is, I wish I could have had a small fancy wedding with guests. My best girl friend was not even there to see me get married. But at the same time, I was getting married to a guy I considered my ultimate 'best friend', so it wasn't toooo bad.

If you are yet to get married, make sure your 'love marriage' is ACTUALLY based on love... and not lust, infatuation, or impulse. And even if the love is there, make sure there is also respect. Your spouse should bring out the BEST in you. If that's not happening, think twice. Also, if you have significant obstacles ahead of you, or are very different from each other, make sure the love you have is strong enough to overcome all that.

 

Actually, I thought thought and thought wether I need to merge your thread with any older thread.. But, doesnt look like there is any close to the exact Qs you put forth ! However, here are my answers..

There was defnitely no ' bell ' that rung nor did I see a ' halo ' behind his head ! But, didnt care much wether he was the right one for me, when I got attracted to him ! But, what got me sure of him was I later realised
He was everything I wasnt ! So, no clashes expected !

Huh ? They freaked ! They didnt speak to me for a whole year ! They just got convinced after that, when they saw no matter what, I just stood still ! I rock you, see !!

I simply asked my Dad to sit down and have a talk with me. As he sat, I told them to meet him once, and then talk about him. Unless they met him how would they know what kind of a guy he is or wether his love for me is genuine ! They shouldnt look at him as a monster, instead use their sense which they gave their daughter too !

No !! It turned out to be full of surprises ! Never knew this man of mine was better when lived together than just meet on weekends over lunch or movie !!

Start life with least or no expectations.. Never compare life while dating to married life !! Just live as it is the best today !!!

 

hi mythili,
here are my answers:

can't tell if the guy was the right one for me. but,i sure had not met another guy with so much sense,broad mindedness and the right attitude and ofcourse his looks!!! so,i decided to go ahead

convincing phase was almost 10 months.i first told my mom and she was a little shocked. asked her to meet my guy(now my DH), and she agreed. but,after that she never commented on him. so,knowing her, i assumed she is ok-ok with him but not surewat my dad would say. then my dad gets involved. all through the 10 months he never spoke to me about this. he was just normal hoping his daughter would forget this guy. but i was too too stubborn. i did not take any drastic steps but waited patiently for 10 months. finally,my dad opened up and asked me if I would be happy with the guy then he is ready to initiate talks for marriage with the guy's side. i obviously said:yes:. and then things took over between parents till our marriage date.

i did not have much expectations and whatever he was during dating he turned out to b so much more nicer and caring when living with him.

no regrets for marrying my DH except the fact that i wish his parents would talk to me more often(which they dont). they do treat me normal but nothing more than that. however,i am happy with my DH.

for ppl getting married,i would say just make sure there is respect and love in the relationship.can't think of more now:bonk

-Neha S

 

Take the plunge after careful consideration, dont blindly follow anything, what attracts you today after 10 years may not attract, see factors which are not related to looks or other aspect like money, status, see the personality , how he is , you cannot be 100 % sure of anything but still try to be little practical too.

 

Hi mythili

How did you know he was the right one?
i was not attracted by his physical appearance.I was so only for one reason....that is his confidence.It was really ultimate and he is a good decision maker.even today i dont decide for myself to go out an shop alone.



How did your parents react and how long was the "convincing" phase?
my parents were okay with him as he come from a rich and very good background.It took 2months time to convice them...its only bcos of his will power.


What did you do and say to convince them?
He just convinced his parents by saying that he is going to be happy with inspite of me not being rich and they are also so confident about his son's decisions.


Was married life just like what you expected it to be?
No..................It was more wonderful than what i thought.

Do you have any regrets?
neverrrrrrrrrrrr

My kind advice is to have confidence ,trust, in the person u r loving..it should not just be a attraction.
never dream of life that it is so fruitful.Be practical.

 

Hi Mythili,

Something just dragged me into your thread, may be your title or what? :confused2:

Here goes my answers...

To be more literal, HE CAME, HE CONQUERED. To be practical, we both are opposite poles in nature, likes, dislikes but there was a vein of something running between us, that's the magic that attracted us to each other. He's more matured in nature than me and pretty practical.

They said . I didn't agree. Our bond strengthened even further.
Dad didn't talk to me for couple months, mom tried to convince me for their option. Nothing happened finally we were married . Even after that it took nearly 6 months of good time to come back to normalcy.

I didn't say anything special, I didn't say that I can't live without him. But I said strongly that I will be happier if I live with him. I apologized to them that I didn't give them the chance to look for someone they might like. So many phone calls from US, so many days of penance what not. They wanted me to come back to India for good (I was working in US that time).
To my parents I was still a kid who was not matured enough to decide. They couldn't accept the differences we had in terms of customs, language, food etc. All I wanted was they talk to him once atleast. Finally they agreed to talk and all it took was couple of phone calls for my DH to convince my parents.

Nope. To be honest, it was totally opposite to what we had seen before marriage. There were parents, in-laws, relatives etc etc in life thats all new. But we enjoyed it because we are living with someone we loved, cared and chose for each other. Our differences increased our emotional bonding.

YES.

You know why, I wish I had met him few years earlier in my life. That way I would have my little princess even earlier ;-)

So the rule of thumb is,

Lots of unconditional love + No expecations - No Ego = Happy married life

-Uma

 

Any advices for those going for a love marriage?????

whom to choose..parents or love marriage?

 

Nice thread

 

Any advices for those going for a love marriage?????

Just be practical and take as things comes...

Be it love marriage or arranged... You will have misunderstandings/fights.
Its just matter of how much you love spouse, and how much you can
compromise to make the marriage work.
(not at cost of your Abuse, Self respect or Happiness ofcourse)

Be it you are him...Is not your true self during the courtship days....
Meeting couple of hours being over sweet is totally different
than staying under same roof....