Has the culture in India changed so much?

I left India more than 30yrs back when our family home did not even have running water (well only), and mom/aunts did not work outside the home. So whenever cousins came over, it was more the merrier and the ladies all pitched in. housework for them was nonstop as their mil would not have it any other way.

Nowadays many of my girl cousins in India work outside home and there is no grandparent or parent home for me to visit. But the few times I have gone back, my cousins/uncle and aunt have always made me welcome even if it’s for a few hours. I no longer stay with them and stay in some hotel as we like our comfort. We tell them upfront we are not coming for dinner or lunch but many times they offer anyway after we go there. The connection is still kept by mom and mil (both here in US) with their respective bro/bil/sis/sils via phone calls and emails and hence whenever we go to india my/hubbies relatives reciprocate. I have never thought about this family connections much until I read this thread. I don’t make a huge effort to keep in touch myself but my mom and mil fwd me all photos and info. I guess I should be thankful that our parents are doing the best to keep us in the loop. Really I realize I have to change my ways and make an effort.

On the other hand, since my in laws live with me here in US, we get a lot of guests who want to visit as my in laws are the grandparent/grand uncle generation just like my grandpas house was when I was in india. That means I could get unexpected lunch/dinner planning all of sudden on a weekend that I had planned to relax. It means that I have to invite my bil and family. It means planning for food for 15-16 people. I might have planned to have leftovers and here we are prepping food or going out. I get miffed initially but when people actually show up I enjoy. It has happened that they will come for tea but conversation flows and they will stay for dinner. Or it gets late and they will decide to stay the night and bedding has to be changed. When my kids were younger I would be very frustrated with this Atithi Narayan concept. But I have gotten better and am mellowing. I do have my mom/mil/sils “catering” help if need be. So some of us who have relatives close by here in US what went on in india many years back is still continuing too.

Thanks for the thought provoking post.

 

You are right. India or rather Indians are no longer welcoming. Forget visiting them...you meet them on the street and they will make it a point to pass some nasty remark. I no longer look forward to India trips.

 

I am not talking about customs/traditions/personal beliefs etc. It's totally up to the person to act the way he/she likes. No one will say your mother was right and you wrong. My concern was the deterioration in love and affection in India among neighbors, friends and extended family members.


What can you conclude upon seeing a group of teenagers sitting at a restaurant together and instead of talking they are texting one another? Doesn't it seem obvious to you, that morals and values are declining as a result of advancing technology.


Earlier there was so much interaction between neighbors and it was so much fun. now this love/interaction is missing. Now people are mostly confined within their four walls. Now don't blame this due to paucity of time. Earlier during vacations/holidays there was so much interaction among cousins/aunts/uncles. Families have stopped visiting and merely communicate via social networks. Its ridiculous. Now most people avoid entertaining relatives or going to one. Most of the time it's very formal.


IMO, at least schools should not be like 5 star hotels, no matter how expensive they are. Affording something doesn't mean we should be inculcating wrong values. Instilling materialism in small children was never good and can never be good.


Earlier there was so much of talks/discussions in trains among co passengers. now people are so preoccupied with their fancy gadgets that they hardly have time for co passengers. They hardly take their eyes off from laptop or their ears from earphones.


You can't entirely blame the work culture. It's wasn't that earlier all were in a 9 to 5 job, or today all are in IT or private sector. Earlier also people worked hard and had fun and now also it's the same. The only difference is this that now fun revolves mostly around our self or our immediate family.


Bottom line is that Indian values are eroding, whether we accept it or not. :coffee

 

Shama, you have written the above post well and yes, our values are in some aspects eroding.

But on the other hand, I would said that certain things have changed for the better, such as (mainly related to women)
- More girls these days are finishing their degrees and also working, when in previous generations a majority would be married off after 10th or PUC
- People are now standing up against things that were taken for granted for generations such as domestic abuse/violence, dowry harassment, polygamy etc. Yes, there are still lots of people suffering but unlike the previous generations where women were terrified to break free, people are now starting to resist all this.
- Better quality of living and health standards in schools and in general
- Gadgets are a double-edged sword; people, especially students can use them wisely or go astray. Thanks to the internet, kids these days are a lot more aware and updated about career opportunities, their field of study, world news etc.

It is natural for every generation to feel that the next generation does not respect values as much as they did. Our grandparents would have this complaint about their children and grandchildren. We will have this complaint about our children and their generation. Our kids in turn will say the same thing when they have kids.
Moreover, our memories of our own childhood are precious and the present will always seem pale in comparison.

As I mentioned above, you have very valid points in your post but as civilization advances, the good and bad come together.

 

Sadly some NRI's or PIO's still feel that our society should remain in the era of black and white films , frozen in time while other countries can make progress!
Why is it expected that people living in India should get awestruck to see guests from abroad , roll out the red carpet and be given freebies or a handful of chocolates?
One should be proud that the native country is at par with rest of the world , people are getting good salaries, going for foreign travel, using good cars and other luxury items.
Its tragic that some people would like to stick to old notions whilst they enjoy luxuries abroad, get desi brides for sons and expect royal treatment after disappeararing for lengthy periods,even decades.
The relatives at home should give them VIP or be the entire culture will be eroded!

Please come back for good ,host absconding relatives, invite them for lengthy VIP stays , organise filmy gatherings like in Rajshri Films instead of being armchair critics.
Maybe the Indian culture will bounce back with the benign presence of cribbing NRIs and PIO's.
There are many NRI's, PIO's who are proud of India's progress and do not expect to be treated like preferential guests. They also do not deride the luxuries available here and grumble about culture erosion.
They are warmly welcomed , treated with a lot of love and respect, grandparents are happy to see them and the extended family helps in all respects and they go back with happy memories .

 

Yes, on these fronts things have definitely changed for better. No two ways about it.