Why do people need/have kids

FS,
Past, present continuous, and those yet to rear their heads
If it is a commentary on my editing:biggrin2:, I need 10 days to recover from jet lag before I sound coherent. At home I speak in incomplete phrases and allow those around me to draw their own conclusions.

@nuss, Thank you. Maybe it is just another way of trying to fulfill our needs? I always feel that adults have it easier. We are given a choice whereas children don't have that opportunity.

@Ansuya, I know I tend to ramble...thank you for labeling it eloquent. True, quite a few of my coworkers chose not to have kids...maybe because they did have very caring, mentoring, and rewarding relationships with their students. I did have a blast with my kids and I think one recurring thought was, "I had so much fun other people's kids. Why not our own?" I am fortunate that both our families are too laid back. No pressure there. I did have to learn to deal with comments from random people-by watching others negotiate their 'childless by choice' state. I just take a deep breath and paste an inane smile on my face. Some people are puzzled to see me so nonchalant and they probe further. Not much you can do with such people-I just grin wider as I answer them

 

If you have kids with the expectation that they will be there for you in your old age and will look after you, you may end up in disappointment - or you may not. It is a matter of chance.

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you".

If you can understand that and look at your children as a source of joy to you, if you have children because you want them, because you love children, because you love the innocence and freshness they bring with them, without any EXPECTATIONS from them in return for the love that you give them, there can never be any disappointments. When you have a kid, you go through the entire childhood and growing up phase with them while having the privilege of guiding a young life in this world. It adds colour to life and gives one a reason beyond one's own selfish needs and self-centred interests to live. Imagine a world full of only elders. What a grey world that would be.

I do not know about other cultures, but I find in our Indian culture, we have kids to prove our ability to produce kids (it is an ego issue), to satisfy the demands of society and with the expectation that we will have someone to take care of us when we are old.

 

Biologically and evolutionally speaking makes perfect sense, but I really think as thinking human beings, and especially in today's context (meaning taking into consideration our own individual expectations of life, social and economical realities), we need to give more thought before we go ahead with having kids.

As for this bit, I cannot agree more.

 

Dear Akanksha,

 

OP,
sorry to read about your parents death ........yes,it is very lonely for parents to be ignored by kids but I guess our generation is going to be different......nealy all people I know have already planned not to be burden on kids financially,try to keep ourself busy with social life ,be as health as possible & self relient............


otherwise also,it may sound cheesy but I will say why look for life long happiness with kids.......if you get 10-15 happy yrs with them, it should be enough........

 

OP,
and I do agree with your thoughts about stop volunteering at old age homes if it is making you bitter ...........

 

Dear OP,
It appears that you are still depressed and sad due to your parents circumstances,
but they must have had happy moments as a family though their later years were sad.
They must have enjoyed watching you and your brother grow up and never regretted their decision.
Visiting Old age homes is nice but are you bringing cheer to their lives and your own or adding to grief ?
Its a couple's personal decision to have kids or not , but you will never overcome your sadness if you link your decision to your own parent's life.

They would definitely want you to lead a happy fufilling life with or without kids and not like you to be sad on their account.
Soon a time will come when you would learn to forgive and forget, move on in life and carry happy memories of your parents.
Similar thing happens in many families but life goes on.

 

The joy a baby brings to parents cannot be measured....it is simply priceless...No wonder they are called bundle of joy...our(me and husband's joy) could not be bundled......