Confession and seeks your views, what you would do

Don't just say sorry. Mean it. And from your post, it does not look like you mean it. For now you are feeling like that thief who does not regret stealing, but is very very upset at being caught. You still don't feel you have wronged your husband grievously, do you? For now you are only worried what will happen to you if he does not come back. First of all try to understand what he went through all these years...... then go and say 'sorry'.

 

OP, you said you slapped him and hit him,at the same time you are saying he must have forgotten as many years have passed by,beleive me it is very hard to forget such incidents they just remain as worst moments in life for ever. Iam saying this with experience, i was slapped by my spouse and I have never forgotten that and til date I feel the pain whenever that memory flashes in my mind.

From your post looks like your husband has gone through alot ,looks like he lost all his hope,i don't know what to say but you have put him through so much pain please give him some time,it is very hard to forget such pain.

 

Situations like these may have created deep scars in his subconscious mind.. I don't think he would have forgotten those incidents at all and he wouldn't forget them either. I am seriously shocked that even women can be abusive, careless, not remorseful, self centered and who could treat other person as an object.

Please leave him alone, if you just want to be with him because of your insecurities.. I don't think you want his love.

 

Please don't put the blame on others. Even though your upbringing played its part, an adult can understand what's right or wrong.

I don't know if it's possible for your husband to forget whatever you did to him. If I did 0.1% of what you did, my husband would have divorced me long ago and vice versa.

Even now, you're self centered and started thinking about rejoining your husband for of your insecurities. You don't genuinely care about him. You've used him, using him, and want to use him.

Do you think a job or money will determine a person's reputation? Your thought process itself is wrong. I don't know if your husband can reunite with you ever. Sorry to be negative. I just don't see how someone can reunite with a person who insulted/ruined their life/happiness for years and only thought about themselves. You don't have any emotional bonding to start with. The only option I see is continuing this life and let your husband go for his happiness.

 

Wow!!! You are cosmopolitan, well educated and working.. All these don't define your personality! Where did your human values disappear?? No excuses for you Lady! You recognized a gap between yourself and your husband, but what did you do to bridge that gap??? Not only did you further increase the gap, you also treated your husband like Sh*t. If you still love him, want him in your life, communicate with him, fall onto his feet, genuinely admit to all your mistakes and do some good to him if not for the society. I don't think he will accept you back. It will take a lot for him to do that. He is deeply wounded. If he does accept you back, think that you have hit a jackpot!

I wonder what kind of values you would have put into that child of yours. I pity that child!!

 

I don't agree with this thought of yours. I come from a village background, studied in govt school. Was always a bright student and outspoken. On the other hand, my husband is from metro, studied in metric, bright student etc., but reserved. You don't find the exact replica of yours ever as your partner. There is no way you can find a partner who matches 100% of your expectation either.

Most of the us compromise for the relationship to work. No one is perfect. If I compromise in one area, my spouse would compromise in another area. That's how family works. These things should happen when you start a relationship. Once the relationship matures, it's really hard to change the perspective of each other.

I still see you're trying to put the blame on things that don't matter here. it's you who made the mistake. You reap what you sow. Try to be a good wife from now on. There is nothing else you can do here. The reconciliation might happen if you show your true love towards your husband.

On the other hand, think if you really love your spouse. If there is no true love in this relationship, no need to waste your time here. If you fake your love, there is no future for this relationship.

 

No amount of just saying sorry in words going to help you in any way. At least now if you do realize sincerely all your mistakes, then bring a change in yourself. Without any expectations, genuinely try to show interest in him, his likes and what he cares about. Try to share in his emotional feelings and needs. You have ignored him for too long , so don't expect him to turn around and be like what you want any sooner. If you keep trying, with time, he might realize you have changed and that could open up him to you. For now your only choice is to show that you realize your mistakes and have changed for good and wait for him to embrace you. You have to give him some time. From what you described about him, he seems to be a matured guy and definitely if he realizes you have changed , he might forget the past and try to have a meaningful relationship with you. Do keep working on it.

 

He's agreeable to the idea of maintaining the facade of a marriage...that's a good start.