Woman's dressing sense are to be blamed for rape ???

Thanks for the kind words, Mahajan. Your location (KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa) got me thinking along slightly different lines. Those of you who find my seemingly tenuous associations and strange mental leaps tedious, stop reading now! The rest of you, bear with me... I promise there's a point, and it may even be a valid one.

South Africa is my home country. Like India, South Africa has a terrible problem of a rape culture (although women do not face widespread sexual harassment on the streets). Now, it pains me to say this, but I will say it anyway. I am grateful for all my country has given me, and I miss home like crazy, but I choose to live in the US because I do not feel safe there. I especially wish to shield my daughter from harm.

If anyone were to point out these shortcomings in my homeland, I have to accept it. I will not lay the blame at the door of westernization, skimpy clothing, or girls who have become "too modern". Many emerging democracies (India and South Africa are prime examples of this - SA became "independent" of minority rule in 1994; really, not so long ago) face major problems with a population who, suddenly free from the yoke of some kind of oppression, is not able to handle this liberation in responsible ways. Thus, a segment of society (and in both our countries, this is a rather large segment) is, in a sense, morally lost. The institutions that would have or should have provided stability and support (family, education, government welfare) are missing or transformed.

In most societies, the population that suffers the most when this happens is young men. In this, I see rapists and criminals as victims too. They act the way they do because they don't know any better. They are unable to make sense of their feelings and emotions. They do not have strong, healthy masculine identities that allow them to channel their energies in productive ways. Often, they are unable to educate themselves sufficiently or make a sustainable living.

We probably would find it very hard to imagine what life is like for people like this, because I'm guessing most of us here are more privileged than this. I'm writing this post to clarify what is meant when we (*) talk about the role that the ills of society, and the failures of government and family, play in rape/sexual inequality epidemics. Dangerous attitudes (e.g. women should avoid being raped by being hyper-vigilant and modestly dressed) contribute to a cultural mindset that feeds rape epidemics.

The knee-jerk reaction is to say that the government is not doing enough about rape, and not hanging the rapists quickly enough. Punitive deterrents to crime are ineffective and medieval. Asking women to cover themselves is also medieval. We want to move forward in our progress as a society. Putting more restrictions on people and implementing harsher punishments just takes us back to the dark ages.

There are many rational voices here talking about how we can all do something to solve this problem, like starting in the home and how we educate our sons. Those are the kinds of solutions that, in the long run, will work better than punitive ones. So, changing minds and hearts is important. This means that talking is important. I am glad that Indusladies exists, so I can express myself here. It would be a real shame if we didn't have this forum, or we listened to those people who say, "Talking about it won't help".

* I really mean "I" here... as Mark Twain said, only kings, editors, and people with tapeworm can legitimately use the royal "we".

 

The rape incidents especially the gang rapes have actually increased after the Delhi case and the intense protests. Do they think, if they could, we could too? Somewhere I read that the rapists in one of the cases fantasized about gang rape. It's scary.

Did anyone notice, that this all coincides with the rising number of vulgar item numbers in the movies and the general acceptance of vulgarity in the society. (One of the members has likened dressing in revealing clothes to elegance, I think there is a difference.)

Just stray thoughts. I am not blaming the female population for the rape epidemic and I definitely don't think only women dressed in skimpy clothes get raped. It all has to with the men's mentality, yet women have to take responsibility to protect themselves and dressing conservatively when you are surrounded by leering men is one good start.

 

I don't think that the amount of rape cases is going up, I just think that they are giving it more media attention now. People are making money selling newspapers, increased tv ratings etc. If they would stop reporting it and just change the laws to deal with it maybe cases would decrease.

 

It is the law that needs to be blamed and not the women. What is the status of that delhi rape case!!!! what happened to that ruthless juvenile!!!!! Nobody knows.No news about that.

 

I am sure I will be bashed up for bringing this.

Long time ago, I think a year back, there was a thread on whether pornography is good or bad.Quiet surprisingly , we saw a lot of women supporting it.When some of us pointed out that it might lead to rape when the men gets "you know what" after watching it (with no "available" women around), our women in forum defended strongly that it will not lead to rape.It is a shock to see now (fast forward now) that some women and men here claim that clothing leads to rape.

 

Anusuya - you taught me an in important lesson today of using "I" - unconsciously I tend to use more of we - while making statements. But I am going to try and use more of "I" - makes sense to me.

 

Arch, my comment was somewhat tongue-in-cheek: an attempt to curtail my own delusions of grandeur, and a reminder to myself to get off my soapbox! You, on the other hand, are a journalist. This means you have every right to speak for and of the people, in my opinion. And when I consider how erudite, sensitive, and morally responsible your thinking and writing is, I feel you can go ahead and use "we" as much as you want

I'm perplexed by charges that there's too much media coverage of the violent gang rapes in Delhi, Mumbai, and elsewhere. Yes, journalists should respect the privacy and feelings of victims, but beyond that, the media has a responsibility to highlight pressing social issues, and keep the debate going.

What makes us not want to hear or see the issue of rape brought up again and again? Are we ashamed to confront this issue because sex is still such a taboo topic for us? The best weapon we can give our children against crimes of this nature is enlightenment. We protect ourselves with knowledge, not ignorance.

It also makes sense that if entertainment media gives the wrong impression about sex, equality, and gender roles (Bollywood item numbers, I'm looking at you), then we should be using the coverage provided by news media to help correct this unbalanced view. Like government, media cannot be separated from its people. We get the media we deserve. It's up to us to elevate the standards of discourse if that is what we want.