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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rahul1234, Aug 26, 2013.

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  1. Aug 26, 2013 #1
    rahul1234

    rahul1234 New IL'ite

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    Hi I am a silent visitor of this forum.

    Please help me. I will explain my problem. sorry for the long post.

    I know a female colleague of mine for almost a year and a half. I am single and 26 and she is 24. Initially when we first met, we just had formal meetings and we didnt talk about personal things, it was just like a hi and bye kind of conversation. Initially after meeting her for few weeks i just had a crush on her. After few weeks, we started to actually talk more and I found out she is already married for around 6 months.

    As soon as I came to know about her marriage I felt bad about my crush on her. Then i didnt had any such ideas. Then we started to meet more and more and started to talk more about personal things and we became good friends. Eventhough we talk about personal things/issues she was not talking much about her relationship with her husband. She talks about other personal issues. Just before 2 months she started to talk much about her relationship with her husband. Although she didnt tell me the complete picture of problem between them she told me about a month back both got divorce recently.

    Previously when i treated her as a very close friend after hearing about her divorce, now for some time i statred to have more feelings for her. Previously when we spent only few mins daily, now she started to spend almost 3 to 4 hours per day with me after office work. she started to come out with me, even now when she goes out for shopping she calls me to accompany her. Now she started to share almost everything with me. how much she is hurt and so on. Emotionally we both are getting closer.

    I am ready to marry her and I dont care about her past. I can wait for marriage and whenever she is comfortable i can marry her. My problem is should i tell her now about my feelings and say i can wait for her till she is ok to marry me. Or am i moving faster . whether she will think i am taking advantage of her situation now. I dont know whether she has feelings for me. But i am sure she likes me and treats me as a very close friend
     
    rahul1234, Aug 26, 2013
    rahul1234, Aug 26, 2013
    #1
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  2. Aug 26, 2013 #2
    luckysangeetha

    luckysangeetha Gold IL'ite

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    This is a period of emotional venting for her and if you guys take the decision of getting married now it will not a matured connection.Just give her some time.... Decisions taken during emotional time will not be correct as far my experiences tell.She might think you are using her during this emotional venting time...... Give time for any relationships to be taken forward.....
     
    luckysangeetha, Aug 26, 2013
    luckysangeetha, Aug 26, 2013
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  3. Aug 26, 2013 #3
    Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    Radhai, Aug 26, 2013
    Radhai, Aug 26, 2013
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  4. Aug 26, 2013 #4
    Madhulatha87

    Madhulatha87 Bronze IL'ite

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    Just Express your feelings but don't expect only positive result... She might be in a dilema..

     
    Madhulatha87, Aug 26, 2013
    Madhulatha87, Aug 26, 2013
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  5. Aug 26, 2013 #5
    positivegal

    positivegal Gold IL'ite

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    You need to give her time to get back to normal from her previous relationship.

    It will be good for both of you to take a practical decision
     
    positivegal, Aug 26, 2013
    positivegal, Aug 26, 2013
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  6. Aug 26, 2013 #6
    letsknow

    letsknow Silver IL'ite

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    Both of you would have no idea what's in each other mind. So its best to let her know what and how you feel at the earliest. That'll make her think and express what she feels about you. Else its going to be all misleading and of heart pain later. Its better to clear things now then and build something with in you and get disappointed later.
     
    letsknow, Aug 26, 2013
    letsknow, Aug 26, 2013
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  7. Aug 27, 2013 #7
    SudhaMakesh

    SudhaMakesh Silver IL'ite

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    Don't decide anything now... you don't even know the clear picture of her past marriage life. how can you decide the husband is the problem maker? why can't be she?

    IF you like something or someone everything it shows will look like the best of behavior.. You are still in the spell of your crush. Don't rush up what radhai quoted is 100% true.

    she just came out of a relationship... Spending 3-4 hrs a day with you is not at all right.. She is a divorced women. Now the world will be watching her vigorously. Aren't you worried about her name getting spoiled? Both of your behavior itself shows that you both don't have the maturity to deal with a sensitive situation like this. Give it some time.

    Limit your meetings and phone talks. She is looking for some emotional support.... Give some time to her get back to normal.... What ever decision she takes now will be because of the influence of the first failure... you need someone to say Yes or NO to you by thinking about their future with you not from their past failures ...

    ... You can say I want to marry her.. What your parents will say? Do you think you have the heart to marry a divorced women and live a happy life in your family and relationship circle? Don't do something and think about it later... Think 1000 times before you do... Put a hold for everything ... Give it some space... Even then you feel the same about her go ahead and ask her .... otherwise move away from her...don't spoil her life...
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2013
    SudhaMakesh, Aug 27, 2013
    SudhaMakesh, Aug 27, 2013
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    2 people like this.
  8. Aug 27, 2013 #8
    SudhaMakesh

    SudhaMakesh Silver IL'ite

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    SudhaMakesh, Aug 27, 2013
    SudhaMakesh, Aug 27, 2013
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    1 person likes this.
  9. Aug 27, 2013 #9
    misspink14

    misspink14 Bronze IL'ite

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    I suggest that you take your time. When you are comfortable tell her that you have feelings. But also respect her because it is too soon for her to think about a relationship with another man. She just got out of a marriage, she is trying to find herself.

    If she loves you and you her, then time will come then marry, til then let it be and have a good friendship. That is what is important.
     
    misspink14, Aug 27, 2013
    misspink14, Aug 27, 2013
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    1 person likes this.
  10. Aug 27, 2013 #10
    laughingeyes

    laughingeyes Bronze IL'ite

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    Please take your time. Be friends first.. Don't jump into these commitments right away when she is a vulnerable state. Sudha, I second you.

    Please please take it slow. You might be attracted alright but just don't jump the gun yet. Give it time.
     
    laughingeyes, Aug 27, 2013
    laughingeyes, Aug 27, 2013
    #10
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