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he will only marry me if i leave my parents. what should i do?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by preet89, Jun 3, 2013.

  1. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    The very first time you should have broke-up with this guy was when he/his family asked you to go for fake marriage. Better late than never, pl do that. I could just not imagine this fake marriage. And cut off all contacts with his family even some of his aunts/ relatives seem nice to you.

    You are just 23. You can have amazing life, it will take time to get over what has happened but you will have great future once you kick his stupid stuff (he & his family) out. Stay strong and explain to parents. Tell them, Its just not about the conditions they are imposing for marriage but also how long one can be in such a relationship with perpetual flow of conditions. He is not in love with you.
     
  2. lilacgal77

    lilacgal77 Silver IL'ite

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    hi preet

    just ditch the guy if he is not willing to care for your parents.. u fulfil ur responibility as a daughter first...u can replace ur partner but not your parents..think of all the sacrifices your parents have done for you and you will not confuse yourself
     
  3. navyar

    navyar Gold IL'ite

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    Preet89,

    You have got enough advice here. Nothing more to say. I only wish strongly that you take each and every advice given here. Good Luck.
     
  4. shinara

    shinara Platinum IL'ite

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    Better come out of the relationship now itself. Now u may not think of anybody else. But time will heal everything. Now its time to take care of your parents. So concentrate on your work and take care of your parents..
     
  5. beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

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    If you are in right mind, then run away ASAP.. don't enter into a mess and regret whole your life. This guy maybe nice, but he has no spine..!!

    You have responsibility of your parents dear, don't let the old souls long for you all your life..They won't say anythn but will suffer a lot.

    If your parents have raised you like a son, then be like one..!! Stand up for them and have a dignified life..!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Preet, I am sorry if what I ask is not particularly nice or comfortable, but I want to make you think for yourself.

    You say you love this guy. Is it truly love? Can you really love a guy who:

    • under pressure from family pushes you to do something illegal like marrying his cousin just to get him a visa? Do you think you can really respect and love someone who wants you to do illegal things and has no spine of his own?
    • can even think of asking you to marry anyone else for whatever reason?
    • can demand dowry?
    • can demand that you support his cousin but not your own parents?
    • clearly tells you that he can leave you for his parents? (Does it not show you your place in his life? And you want to marry him? Can you seriously love such a man? Does he really love you? In which case why is he marrying you? And what about your own sense of self-respect or self-worth?)

    Your parents have spent so much money so you should be educated, stand on your own two feet and stand with your head held high. Why are you willing to bow down so much to people who have no value for you? Do you think your parents would be happy knowing how much of your self respect you are giving up to marry this guy?

    Believe me, it does not matter what preparations they have made for the wedding or what they have bought. It does not matter what your parents have bought already. It can be stored and used another time. But you cannot regain the lost moments of your life if you marry this guy and land up really miserable. Imagine if you are thinking so much about getting out of this before getting married, how will it be later?

    Everyone here has told you pretty much the same things. Now it is really upto you to take some concrete steps and prevent yourself from getting into a mess.
     
    3 people like this.
  7. archiSpirit

    archiSpirit Silver IL'ite

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    Just a preview....hat happens to your parents after marrying a guy who has NO SPINE.

    After my marriage , my parents would always panic whenever they had to make a phone call to my MIL ,asking things like how ma ny clothes to send,how many bedsheets,how many kurtas for gents with a pen and paper in their hand.Its funny how she would increase the items on the next call saying lame reasons like...Oh i forgot about a distant relative blah....

    Whenever any of my relatives asked about my wellbeing, they again went through pain answering the question as simple as that cos neither they could lie nor tell the problems.So they kind of avoided a lot of friends,family.Only kept few close....

    My parents always had a good life, but after my marriage they would only think of going to pilgrimages and not on holiday destinations.Their face ,body everything was ageing and bulging because they no longer wanted to think about their health, morning walks,yoga,healthy eating that they did before in happy times.
    Now that iam out of the marriage i see them happy again although that also took time for them to digest that 'divorce' has to happen to get their daughter breathe some life

    I was also 23 at the time i got married,just fresh out of college with no experience of life in general.I had circle of friends, all my age ,always upto some fun and i had never done any housechores in life as my studies required me to work like a dog and our family unlike their family never pushed me for things.I was always told i will learn things with time like cooking,cleaning etc. Those days my in-laws appeared to be very sweet to me and i used to feel happy when i felt they do think about my likes/dislikes but didnt know it was a red-flag.
    When people only think about your likes once in a whille, and that makes you want to dance it shows how less they are valuing you and when they do pamper you, you feel on top of the cloud.If there is any feeling like that, dont fall for it.
    If they are nice, they will want to pamper you most of the time or atleast be subtle in gestures but it would never feel like "OMG , how come suddenly they like me'
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2013
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  8. AS86

    AS86 Silver IL'ite

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    Good luck, dear. Go ahead, talk to him, take time to think about everything and then decide. :thumbsup
     
  9. rachaputi

    rachaputi Platinum IL'ite

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    Anitap too good.. :)
     
  10. BharatS

    BharatS Gold IL'ite

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    In my opinion, you both have difference of opinion in many ways, especially about the period of stay in foreign land post marriage. Have the matters discussed very straight without any delay, and then take a final call. Also no point in not discussing with your parents on your apprehensions about this guy.
     

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