Art of saying no!!

Your title says it all. Saying no is an art. A difficult one. Still learning.

 

When I was in 6th std my best friend uma maheswari changed her place from my next seat.
I said :you cant do like that to me,pls sit with me!!!!!
She said,NO ,i want to make more friends,sworrry I cant sit with u.
A couple of months later she came to me and asked shall I sit next to you?
I said, NO!
She asked, why?
I said :I also learned to say NO!simply No,no,no!!!!!!!

Is this art of saying NO,then I learned it in my 6th std.
Thank You Uma maheswari.

 

People who overly-adjust, because of whatever reason - sometimes out of love, out of friendship, courtesy and sometimes just to please people, have a tough time saying "NO". I was/still am one of those timid-overly adjusting person.
Rightly said Bubbly, I too got this habit from family - started adjusting for siblings (out of love for them)...then with friends ( friendship is selfless!! eh!! and to keep up the friends...not offend them etc)....and then at work place too (for some or the other reason).

End-result was a frustration build-up within myself and the "victim"' attitude.....looking for validation...low-self esteem and self-doubt. Today I still have problems in saying "no" all the time but am learning.

I have also realized that people who love or care for us will do so irrespective of what we do or don't do for them. The whole world isn't dependent on me and its never like the world will come to end if I say "NO". Time to be first responsible for "self" and then others!!

 

Saying no from the heart is easy when you are being honest. Actually there is no other way to go about it if thats what is the truth. This is how I am.

 

Dear Bubbly,

i too used to be like u, taken for a ride often, till a friend of mine taught me a few tricks, i wrote a blog on it sone tie back. in which i shared the tips with the readers.Some of them were,

if someone asks for a loan, how to fob him or her off, telling her , wish he/she had asked her a week back when she had so much surplus that she sent it to her brother, uncle etc for a year for they had asked for it. So while u did not give the money, u made the other feel, that if u had it, u would have given, so the other person goes away happy.

And there are others who want to come over to yr place, bcs they are close by, and u are not in the mood for them, how do u say no ?
or a friend comes and says, i have joined this insurance company and buy this policy from me, how do u say no to her.?

in my next comment to u, if u are interested.Good blog, common problems but very irksome really.HAHA

Regards

kamal

 

True bubblygal,

Its difficult to say 'no'. But there are limitations. When we are taken for granted, and we are able to realise it, its better to say 'no'.

I have learnt the art of telling 'no' just 5 years back, when i gave up an emotionally abusive marriage. I am peaceful henceforth. I follow the same with my friends and parents as well.

Actually, we may be termed as 'adamant', etc, but it does not matter, its far better than being weak and suffer by accepting something for the sake of society.