Now a days more than the youngsters the senior citizens want to stay separately and meet their children whenever possible. Not that they dont love their childen but because the life in early days and present days is entirely different. Earlier there were joint families , it was easier to manage children, the younger couples used to get along well and there we no internet, TVs etc so I think knowledge of the outside world by women was less. Now a days everything has changed. Right from kids to the old everyone has knowledge of everything, all are well educated especially women are very fond of education and they want to study more and more. No problem in studying but they should be adjusting after marriage. In some cases the couples have lot of arguement because both are well educated. In some cases thougth they argue they love each other so no problems. But in some cases it ends in divorce because they dont have faith in each other and dont understand each other Now coming to the senior citizens, when they see their son and dil or daughter and sil arguing with each other and shouting at the children they are not able to bear. Some children feel the grandparents only spoil their children. Now a days so much competition is there that the parents want their children to be at the top. The grand children sometimes dont listenand it becomes difficult for the seniors to manage then and they giveup. So they feel that the children are grown up and know how to manage their kids and better to stay far and help them whenever they need them so that they wont have any misunderstanding between them and life will be also peaceful.
this is so very true....we have come across so many seniors who want to live away from their sons family as they feel that they are getting tied down with responsibilities of the grand children, also sometimes they feel themselves restricted from doing what they want etc. But if i try to reflect back on the situation there are a few things that come to my mind..... - If the parents and children have a healthy friendly relationship, will the parents or the children want to live away from each other..... - If each one has a sense of their own space and that of the other family members, and at the same time enjoying being together...will they ever think of living separately.... - With so much inflation and making two ends meet is also becoming difficult, also the security aspect taken into view....shouldn't we all deflate our ego and learn to be there for each other.... - why can't we be each others support, instead of playing the blame game and let an outsider take advantage of the situation.... But i guess, we have become so short sighted and self oriented, that we are not able to think rationally....hope with the current scenario, we see more and more joint families, than nuclear ones.
Dear Viji madam, I agree with you 100%. It is better to stay away from children independently till health permits and help the children when they need help. In the present scenario...copybook relationship doesn't exist. Seniors...because they are of the precious generation cannot stand the arguments or fights or difference of opinions and in bringing up their children their ideas are different. Better to stay apart and let the seniors be peaceful....they cannot stand the strain of this kind of living. For a few weeks it is o.k. but not permanently. When one is utterly unable to live on their own due to health reasons...then it is helplessness and some way can be found at that point of life. Children mean......I mean both sons and daughters. Even when health doesn't permit and finances are o.k. better to engage a cook or servant to help. Children do not have time or means to attend the parents...they may be in a far away place and may not be accessible even if they want to help.
Shyamala dear you have written better than what I have written and I agree 100% with your views. God should give good health to Seniors
Hi, i've joined Il recently and have gone thro these posts. I fully agree with yours and the original OPs views 100%. Being a senior and MIL myself of 4 years, i feel this is definitely a peaceful solution. It is not easy for the present set of ILs to just watch on the sidelines when things are not as per our liking. At the same time we cannot expect youngsters to adjust the way we did with our elders/ILs -mainly because they have brought up more to become succesful career oriented individuals than home makers. thank you.
Vijima,not only children are in competitive world but also the parents.if the son or daughter are living in abroad,nowadays seniors are on top socially,family politics,...am I right or wrong?i completely agree with your point that seniors want to live alone but they do lot of comparisons with other highly paid neighbours and relative with their children and demotivate them.if their own children achieve that point and live away from parents, then they feel very bad and starts complaining that their son and DIL left in the home or not taking care.iam sure this kind of attitude is there with seniors definitely not all.Please correct me if iam wrong.
Seniors have done their duties well, they have taken care of their children till they are settled. As you have very rightly pointed out, if they stay with their children, the children sometimes tend to take their parents for granted and parents are again forced to take care of their grandchildren and act only as per the permitted rules of their children. it is very very unjustified. Now with more awareness and proper financial planning, all the elders are well aware about all the aspects of life such as wealth health and they have so many avenues to enjoy their life, which they prefer than staying with children where they are just treated like a commodity and some time as burden. Again there is no hard and fast rule. the elders as well as the grown up children should sit and discuss and and find out which is the best way for all of them , if living separately brings happiness then that is fine, the grandparents can be away from grandchildren, but during the holidays they can shower their love. But everyone feels that inclusive living is good for all of them, and still everyone can have their honor and respect and freedom, then that is also a wonderful arrangement. we need to be honest with our relations, have a open talk with elders and take the appropriate decision. Whatever the decision, whether our parents stay with us or they prefer to stay on their own, we as children need to always remember that as we are grown up now, it is our duty to ensure that they are comfortable and we are always available when ever they need us.
Very well written Viji; I also feel its better to stay away from children it gives the children a chance to grow with freedom and gain more responsibility Also its very important to build your own network of friends so the seniors will not get bored!
Hello, Senior citizen are none other than our parents. At certain age they are not position of taking some action at that time we have take care of them as they took our at our childhood. And i decide if because I in their eyes got tears I’ll throw my life....
