Regretting getting married due to many reasons

I agree with vidyacutegirl. Its common problem most girls face when newly married.
Your husband is not understanding only because you both are fighting a lot...Try not to fight for few days and then you will see the change.. I am sure things will go smoothly if stop fighting... Once It gets normal, tell good things about your parents to him and make him like them so that when you both go to India he will be nice to them..Instead of having a separate house you can first try to join both families. Things might change as the days passes. If it doesn't help you can think about a new home.
Just my suggestions. All the best.

 

I am sure many ladies can relate to your frustations about feeling suffocated being new to the US, newly married and doing chores which you didnt have to do earlier on a daily basis. Plus after being so close to your family, it is buy natural to feel sad to be so far away. The best suggestion I can give you is...give things a little time. Just like things are new for you, the same is for your husband. With time, afetr things settle down a bit, I am sure both families will come around and start getting along with each other. Slowly and steadily things will improve!

 

Change is the only permanent thing in life OP. learn to embrace it and be determined to be happy no matter what. Remember how you felt when u left school and joined college? You will soon build a world of your own and before you even realize, your definition of "my family" will change....

Who likes to do work at home? No one! You said you lived a carefree life back home. Your laundry was still done, your room was tidied up and you were fed. Then surely someone was doing all the hard work? It was ur mum. By getting married, you took the first step towards the greatest designations in life -MOM. So don't look back and cry. Look forwards and see this as a practice for life to come!

Ask ur husband to help a bit. So that both of u can learn to share work.

Trust me, if your parents have basic things in life, they will be much more happier if you are happy. Focus of being positive and happy.

Start doing things smartly to free up some time. Cook in bulk and freeze. When u have enough free time, Start a small business online. Do some course. Work for a charity....all this will help your MBA application anywhere in the world. The idea is to keep you busy while being productive.

 

What you feel is natural as you are thousands of miles away from your loved ones. You are having doubts if everything is worth it. As others have said, keep yourself busy and occupied. Do not pick up or start fights based on what happened after wedding. Indian marriages always start with problems and set the stage for disaster.
If you think you will need to be with your parents after some years or when they get older since you are the only child, make sure you have that clearly in your mind, so plan accordingly, when kids cross certain age, it is very hard to go back. Maintain or try to just keep cordial relations with ILs, don't get tempted to overboard, just learn to ignore as others say in this forum. Good luck!.

 

live One day at a time. Why are you thinking so much about what will happen in the future when (not even sure) you will go back to India? Who knows what is in store for us?

Your MIL said a few bad things Ok.. but your DH supported YOU. So that should be what you must focus on. Also remember - fights, arguments etc are all normal in a newly wedded couple. two new adults, (even if they knew each other for a long time) are adjusting and learning about each other. Life is not what is shown in movies - believe me. The "Happily Ever After" comes after a few years. give your relationship time.
I agree with Tulipz - Change is the only constant. Accept it instead of resisting.

Idle mind is a Devil's workshop. And that is exactly what you going through. You have come to the US, now do stuff that will make you productive in the future, if not now. Prepare for that MBA, Research, Give the GMAT, Apply.. oh my God OP - you have no idea how much time and effort it is to get a degree here. Once you start the process, you will see you have no time to think about all those "What IFs" and "Thens". Get that degree, apply for a job and then help your parents. Stop thinking about what would have happened if X or what could have I done if Y. The present is your reality. Make the best use of it. One Step at a Time, Focus on the Now, the rest will fall in place. :-D

Goodluck

 

hELLO Frnd just one question.

when u r expecting ur husbnad to act like son to ur parents, are u acting like daughter to ur inlaws?

see frnd, mrg life is v v different frm dating life. responsibilities are more for both wife and hubby. ur is love mrg. why u did not discuss with ur hubby befor mrg?

b patient, and adopt to new situation is my suggeston. atleast u knw ur husband before mrg only. so be positive abt mrg and not negative.

 

Mine is a Xerox copy of urs. sometimes I regret I was even born to have met him. just hope I would life as long as my parents live as I have failed to take care of them being the eldest daughter. I thought I could take care of my parents with my husband but a lot happen along the way. I just don't really care about life anymore. cant advise much. just hope this misery will just stop one day.

 

Asmita, you have gotten some great advice, I used to feel very similar to you when I got married. Although I didnt move into another country I did move far from my family, also lived a carefree life before and missed it so much during the time I lived with my husband. I too am the same age as you, and similarly although my parents are quite independent I always felt the need that I do have a responsibility towards them and thought that along with my husband we will do our best together to fulfill responsibility towards both sets of parents. Again similar to you both sets of parents saw eye to eye on nothing, and after a lot of bitterness and animosity they also stopped communicating.. in such a short span of time. Anyways at that time I used to dream about my life before marriage, or even getting out of my marriage, I posted here and got so much advice which did give me a reality check and did cause me to mature a bit.

Too bad my dream came true.. blame me, my husband, my inlaws interference.. or just blame every negative aspect in our relationship.. I am now separated from my husband. When all the bad aspects in my marriage unfolded I used to dream about getting out of it.. what I would do how I would live.. turns out I am miserable. I had a very overwhelming set of in laws, my husbands set of grandparents, and an irresponsible husband.. and then there was me who was (according to me now) immature and not ready for marriage. Along with my failed marriage, I lost many of my relationships with my blood relatives as well. My parents support me, including some more family and friends.. but I lost relationships with some relatives who I was so close to.. all because they felt I was wrong in my ways. You leave or even make the decision to end the relationship and you will see all kinds of judgement made on you, making you the main culprit. There are so many times where I wish that I could just go back to my husbands house and try harder, make them like me.. but its not going to happen.

I didnt mean to make the topic about me, I am giving you my personal viewpoint of what I am currently going though. I always thought I would be happy out of this relationship and that I made a mistake.. but I was so wrong. It is a daily struggle to face my feelings, but time heals everything. You have some great advice above! You and your husband are both together in the US right?! Make the most of it.. no inlaws no kids treat it like a honeymoon and just enjoy day by day. It is very hard these days to find someone who genuinely loves you, and cares for you.. you found someone who loves you alot and cares for you alot.. celebrate it and enjoy every moment.

 

Relax do some volunteering and try to make some friends. It will get better only if you make it better. I can understand that you are feeling guilty about your parents and resentful towards his parents. The below attitude is only going to make it worse. Equality is very important. Accept that your husband feels the same way about his parents as you do about yours even if yours are wonderful and his is awful.

Now ignore his career and how he feels about it and focus on yours alone. Contact a professor from a university near you and ask if you can volunteer for free. This will help come admission time and keep you from being too bored. Worst case offer to babysit or dog walk. It will get you out of the house and help you to concentrate on other things..and not be depressed all the time.