Mom doesn't know how to handle pre teen issues :(

Dear OP, I read the initial replies and see that there are many more replies which I could not read completely. But I am sure our wonderful ILites would have given excellent suggestions.
Just a few from my end, even if I might be repeating someone:

Put up a lot of your son's baby photos on the wall or display unit wherever you can often see them. When you get very angry remind yourself of this innocent face and the time when you used to hold and cuddle him as a baby. Believe me, it works for me whenever I get angry with my daughter. That is the sole reason that I can easily control my temper and never burst out on her.

Talk very affectionately to him and hug and cuddle him more often. A mom's touch speaks more than her words. For somedays from now on, do this more and just talk very less. I dont agree if you wake up 2 mins before he leaves. Please do be around and learn to be quiet and in your own world since your son anway gets ready. What your son needs is a lot of reassurance of your unlimited love for him. Lavishly praise him whenever he does something on time. Give him an impression that you trust him to be very responsible (even though you are not).

You crying in front of him is a very wrong thing to do. Stop that and never ever repeat it. He might not be able to handle extreme emotions like scolding and then crying and hence might try to avoid you.

Set a scheduler that would ring (like an alarm clock) for the various deadlines he has in a day - like getting up, taking bath, leaving for school etc. Write down these critical schedules in a chart and stick it next to the clock and tell him that you are going to complete trust him to follow the schedule whenever the alarm rings and that you would not be reminding him to do anything. Let him take his time - one day, one week , one month.. let him miss his bus, school, class or whatever. When he realizes that he is solely responsible for his timings he will be on track - for life.

Lastly if your kid is adorable to the rest of the world, then you do not have much to worry. It is just a fine tuning that is required and NOW is the time for you to do it.

 

:hatsoff KishoreMommy....

 

Dear op
You have been served a platter of the finest advise, that too from real moms.....who go through the juggle day in and day out ! If this is a consolation.......things improve over the yrs......say like 3 to 4 yrs! Chill, relax... And stay Cool till then.
Mega

 

found this interesting .....

 

sweettooth - I didnt read all the posts here, but wanted to let you know that I also have 2 boys 10 year old and 5 year old. I also have a tough time with elder one and i used to scream at him all the time. My younger one is very hyper and cranky all the time and with my full time job, husband with a traveling job and my own issues, i think i used to scream at my elder son for everything I am going through. and every time I regret after doing this. I spoke to my husband about this and we brainstormed little bit how to handle this. i also bought/read articles about parenting. I do yoga/breathing exercise in the morning to calm me down and it really helped. Got a chore chart for my kids and each gets a star based on what i have there. I have activities like finish homework, brush teeth, read books etc. This really helped. Based on the number stars only they will get their TV/treats etc. Also one thing helped me is I stopped expecting my kids to be perfect. before i was expecting my son to do everything 100%. Now i let him take some decisions. I am strict about his bed timing. whatever happens both my kids will go to bed at 8.45-9 pm. Thats one rule I have enforced. I also tell him to finish his homework after he come back from school. I still have a hard time to make him listen to take shower etc. Then weekends I let him have his own schedule. he can get up whatever time he wants and take shower also when he wants. Try talking to him and see what the problem is. I dont think crying will help and he wont know how to handle it. You should also see how you can handle stress.

Take care

 

Thank you, justanothergirl.

I shared my experience ,that's all.

 

Thank you ,sweettooth.

Yesterday whole afternoon,I was thinking about you and your kids.

How hard it is to handle them both?

7 and half years gap between two kids is not a small thing.

Sleepless nights,managing chores,.....

Sometimes,I used to cry out of stress.(Before a year)

DH sometimes shouts at the elder one.His job stress ....I told him,"Close your eyes and tell me truth fully.What memories come to you when you think about your childhood days?"

He replied,"Mixed ones.Many happy .some unhappy.Sometimes we got scoldings from our parents.That is sill in my mind."

I told him,"Now what do you want our son's memories to be?After 15 or 20 years ,he would be a grown up man .When he thinks about us,what his feelings would be?How will he consider his childhood days?Sad?Depressed?Always getting scolded and shouted?

Someday he will tell his kids that though he was not behaving properly,his parents guided him well,showed affection.He will repeat with his kids,the same things we do now."

We changed our attitude and started enjoying ,the small pleasures of life.

One thing I forgot to add is

Call your son's friends once in a while and praise him infront of them.Tell them that he is disciplined and well behaved.I use to serve some food ,obviously my son decides the menu.

Whenever my son gets a prize or wins something,I make some sweets and distribute to the neighbours.I don't mind if they think that I am boasting.I want to show my son that any achievement by him is important to me.

Obviously he will do well to please me and maintain his image.

Don't ever complain about him to others. He will then loose his self esteem.Inferiority complex is dangerous than superiority complex.

Try the suggestions..Keep in touch.