Need an insight in the scenario!

- to think that cleaning after their dirty dishes is women's job is seriously rotten.

 

I think your DH is trying to show off when he is around people in a way that he dominates his wife / He is the Master of the House. I know some one who acts like tat when People are around. Sad that he doesn't know that same people judge him for treating his wife like tat .

 

I think it's pure ego and show off.I know you can't change him instantly.Since you already know him enough,you better avoid thosesituations.
We have one similar person,but none of us looked women down.We always used look down on the guy who his disrespect for his wife.
Don't loose your peace and focus for these small issues.Since you already know there is no use of fighting over it again and again.
Just foucs on your studies.He will learn his lessons.don't worry.But make sure you don't have to throw other people plates.Just take your husband plate and leave other people plates.He can't force you to take other people plates.

YOU are not wrong.

 

I think you did the right thing by showing him you are not going to put up with that nonsense talk. To previous poster, yes people judge a man who treats his wife in that manner, but they also judge the wife who puts up with that behavior.

 

I think It depends on his upbringing on he views women's role in life. If growing up mom or sisters always took his plate & did everything from him then that's what he thinks is normal.

Now that he is married to you , you can teach him better. You have to communicate with him that you don't like his attitude and you wouldn't want your daughter thinking its normal to be treated like this. When ever you talk to him talk calmly . Make him see how its not respectfull behavior.
all the best, it might take a lot of talks & patience on your part. and big (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) to you.

 

take it easy..iknow hard to do it when you have the pressure and stress of studies added.

its his nature,accept it...he will never change...unless the golden goose he married starts bring home moolah...whenevr he says such things that too infront of people,just ignore it and keep carrying on with your buissness....you did a great job handling...

ignore the trash talk and thinking...concentrate on your studies...you have bigger and better goals to achieve..dont get sucked in petty politics and ego issues...not the time to teach him a lesson...he will never change unless he has decided to himself...instead chanelize your prescious time and energy in things which can be gained and which will be fruitful for you in the long run..its always better to dictate terms being at a higher ground!

all the best!

 

Hugs to you Flying Sparks -- take each day as it come. There are two ways to look at this scenario - the smart way and the come what may come way, you took the second approach and neither is wrong. I know the smart thing would be to keep quiet, knowing how he would react later, yes sometimes it does make sense to pick and fight your battles with people like your husband. But you know what I absolutely don't mind taking dishes - but I have a problem if someone tells me that I should do it because I am a woman and women are supposed to do these kind of jobs....
Your story reminded me of a recent incident - totally unrelated but I had to share... I have a friend who constantly complains that her husband does not chip in with any household work, she is a housewife and they have two kids. Her complain is that her husband expects her to be a superwoman. Every time she comes to visit me or other friends and sees other husbands helping their wives she feels bad. During hurricane Sandy, we were bunking at another friend's place and the other friend and I thought that maybe seeing other men help with house chores her husband would also change. So one day after dinner, my friend's husband offered to do the dishes and my husband offered to clean the dining table, while the other friend and I were watching TV. Now the friend's husband did not say anything, but the friend jumped from her couch and said how can you women sit here when your husbands are working -- this looks very bad, I will go and help those poor guys. My friend and I were left to roll our eyes -

 

FS.... first you decide, what you want. I am not blaming you for any of the act coz afterall the reaction is part of the provoked actions. Your DH is one of those MCP's who will never change even on a dead body. For them their ego takes the highest priority. They dont undestand that they are spoiling their own happiness, life and family by doing that. But sweety you do understand all this. So it is completely your call how you choose your life to be. if you see a future for both you together, then try to work upon it, despite your DH being a typical jerk.

What your Dh did at the party and other insatnces is totally ridiculous. But instead of stretching the conversation, you could have smiled, just walked ahead and said that you will trash the plates upon return. By now you know his nature. so why beg to differ. By saying this I dont mean compromising. But FS, its high time that you think and do things wisely.

Dont fight for your DH's behaviour. If you wish to stay with him then accept it, that such nerds cannot be changed, overnight. With your sweet love, nature and behaviour, he WILL realise some day, after a yr, 2 yrs, 3yrs etc. But atleast you will some mental peace as soon as you start accpeting things.

Fight for your rights. But that can also be done without keeping grudges, a peaceful mind and wise thoughts. Have faith in yourself first that you will be able to change things, even if your DH doesnt want to.

If you feel like, do read this, you might get some Hope out of this and feel better. Hope!

Edit: There are many instances when I picked my DH's trash plates, his friends plates, my friends Husband's trash plates in the potluck parties. I never felt or thought I was being looked down upon as a female.

 

Flying Sparks

Read your Thread. Have one question -

I hope you have mentioned all the things word to word as it happened without any exaggeration.

I feel the husband should have thrown his and his friend's plate in the trash. I mean I would have done that if I was in his place. Infact I have done that many times. At home also, I have taken the dishes from my wife and thrown "the remainig food " in trash and after that have washed the dishes myself...

Nevertheless - Don't get me wrong. But you said the trash was in the way correct and you were showing someone the house. In the post you said i told him again v politely that the trash can is not v far, it is in the kitchen next to the stairs..you do it yourself coz i am going upstairs with the friend..
He din't listen..he was insisting.i told him that i just came from that room & i am showing the house to friend..so why don't u go ahead & follow us??
I have a question - Why did you ask him to follow you if the trash was in the kitchen next to the stairs and you were going upstairs?

i told him that i just came from that room & i am showing the house to friend.
What room?

Many members have mentioned that your husband has ego and a cocky attitude. Don't you have an ego?

I mean this was such a small thing..."throwing a couple of dishes in the trash can". I can't help but think this is one of the threads where a fight and argument could have been avoided if someone had "less ego". When I say someone I mean husband and wife both.

FlyingSparks - I believe you did not like the way this happened and that too in front of other friends. In a way you felt embarassed because you might have thought "What will friends think? They will gossip now". In the beginning of the post you said this was a small situation but the fact that you started a thread out of this, makes me wonder if you also have the same ego as your husband.

Remember - There is a very thin line between being egoistic and "having self respect"

Don't get me wrong. I am just thinking from both angles..