Problem with PIL's Habits

geetu14384 · Jul 1, 2012

Hi ILites,

I have a problem; please suggest me on how to handle this. I have a problem with my PIL's, they are extremely shabby in maintaining a house, extremely lazy to keep it clean and also doesnt try to maintain what i have cleaned. Here are few things to say,

1. Everyday after taking bath, they will not put the clothes to be washed inside the clothes collecting bucket, it will hand shabbily on the rod in the bathroom, until my servant maid goes and pick it up for washing:bonk

2. The coffee tumbler will neither be washed nor put in the sink, it will stay at the same place where the coffee was taken, i.e in bedroom or sofa or balcony etc:coffee

3. They will pour coffee on the floor in the hall for our dog to drink, and never clean that place again, wait for the servant maid to come and clean it.:bonk

4. Even if a scissor taken from a place will not be kept back there, we will have to search for it all day to find it:bonk

5. I keep all letters in the letter box, my PIL's will read the letter and place it again on TV table or sofa or bed:bonk

6. Even their passport, DL, Voters ID card, everything will lie here and there:bonk

7. They will put out chairs if we have guest at home, after the guest leave the chairs will never go to their original place, instead it will be here and there spread out in the hall.:bonk

many more stuffs like this i come across every day, i am tired. Immediately after my marriage, one whole week i spent only in set rating the house and keeping all their documents in place,, filling all important bills, cleaning the house, cleaning and arraigning the cupboards of everyone and so many other stuffs, even now i keep cleaning, and they keep spoiling... i am tired of it... i am doing this from past 2.5 years, how long they will spoil i dont know?

For your information, my PIL's are not very aged to do this simple work, they are just in their 50's and second
they are not doing it for any particular reason, basically they are lazy to the core, but they are very good and sweet to me ,no complains on that.

I feel so embarrassed when somebody suddenly comes home, because all time the home is a mess.:drowning

Please suggest me on how to handle them, I dont want to pinpoint them about this, because it is their house and i am just here for the past 2 years, but still some basic clean habits are required to every human being right? I sometimes get tired, frustrated , feel like crying, because the minute i clean, the next minute they spoil

tulipzz · Jul 1, 2012

You got it right in the last paragraph. IT'S THEIR HOUSE.

If you don't like it, you have three options

1. You tidy up
2. Hire a maid to come twice a day to tidy up
3. You don't do anything about it (you can come and vent about it here )

They are elders. I can't imagine you telling them to keep the house clean etc. Also, guests are supposed to inform and come. If they don't, it's their problem. You don't spend all your life preparing for guests who come suddenly! They worked, struggled, raised their kids. Now let them live life the way they want to.

Oh, yes, the dog bit is too much. It's not good for the dog too. You can tell them " we clean the floor with chemicals. So it's not good for the dog" and then provide a bowl.

satchitananda · Jul 1, 2012

I can completely understand your plight. Like Tulippz said, you have the above three options. I would add one more: If you hate living in a mess, since it is impossible to change your pil at this age, check out the possibilities of having a separate home of your own - like a flat in the vicinity or building a unit above their house if it is an independent house, so they can be comfortable in their home the way they are and you can keep your home the way you like it.

superwoman09 · Jul 1, 2012

Hi OP,

Better get used to it. My PILs too keep things very shabbily plus even when I clean up, MIL will be passing snide remarks as to how a clean house does not feel like people stay comfortably. If I clean the kitchen counter she will say that it means that you are done with the kitchen and once cleaned we cannot make anything..some silly reasons she has got...also she passes such snide remarks that to avoid replying back, I started avoiding cleaning in front of her and now I do so only when she is not around. Its a shame to invite anyone home, so now I avoid that too. If guests call and come over, we usually do a last minute cleanup so that at least the house is presentable. People have come up to her and asked her why the kitchen counter is so dirty, still she does not understand. What can one do. Rather than loose my mind, I am now trying to ignore it and when I am around alone, I do cleanup to my heart's content..though I know that she will need only minutes to make it a mess again.

rkgurbani · Jul 1, 2012

Habits die hard as they say. Am sure they must be watching you cleaning up the mess all the time. A good opportunity would be if any guests comment on the mess in the house, but for that we cant say which guest will open his or her mouth.

Speak to your DH and see what he says. Explain to them the benefits of a clean surrounding. Include good health in that. As you have rightly said, after all it is "their" house, so the best you can do is keep your bedroom clean as that is yours.

geetu14384 · Jul 2, 2012

tulipzz said: ↑

You got it right in the last paragraph. IT'S THEIR HOUSE.

If you don't like it, you have three options

1. You tidy up
2. Hire a maid to come twice a day to tidy up
3. You don't do anything about it (you can come and vent about it here )

They are elders. I can't imagine you telling them to keep the house clean etc. Also, guests are supposed to inform and come. If they don't, it's their problem. You don't spend all your life preparing for guests who come suddenly! They worked, struggled, raised their kids. Now let them live life the way they want to.

Oh, yes, the dog bit is too much. It's not good for the dog too. You can tell them " we clean the floor with chemicals. So it's not good for the dog" and then provide a bowl.
Click to expand...

hey Thanks tulipzzz
Yes since i have put that thought strongly in mind, that it is their house, i m still able to cope up with them without complaining...... Thanks for replying.

geetu14384 · Jul 2, 2012

satchitananda said: ↑

I can completely understand your plight. Like Tulippz said, you have the above three options. I would add one more: If you hate living in a mess, since it is impossible to change your pil at this age, check out the possibilities of having a separate home of your own - like a flat in the vicinity or building a unit above their house if it is an independent house, so they can be comfortable in their home the way they are and you can keep your home the way you like it.
Click to expand...

hey satchitananda thanks for your reply... actually going separate to another house is totally not possible, my DH is the only son so no choice for me......

geetu14384 · Jul 2, 2012

superwoman09 said: ↑

Hi OP,

Better get used to it. My PILs too keep things very shabbily plus even when I clean up, MIL will be passing snide remarks as to how a clean house does not feel like people stay comfortably. If I clean the kitchen counter she will say that it means that you are done with the kitchen and once cleaned we cannot make anything..some silly reasons she has got...also she passes such snide remarks that to avoid replying back, I started avoiding cleaning in front of her and now I do so only when she is not around. Its a shame to invite anyone home, so now I avoid that too. If guests call and come over, we usually do a last minute cleanup so that at least the house is presentable. People have come up to her and asked her why the kitchen counter is so dirty, still she does not understand. What can one do. Rather than loose my mind, I am now trying to ignore it and when I am around alone, I do cleanup to my heart's content..though I know that she will need only minutes to make it a mess again.
Click to expand...

hey superwoman09 thanks for your reply... i loved it...i face the same issue here, my MIL says it is not a hostel or office to have a disciplined life..... it is after all our house, feel comfortable to do anything, put anything anywhere..... one must have so much freeness at home...... nothing wrong in making it a mess... we can clean it up when guest comes.....just imagine they are not ready to do a 2 mins job at that point of time... they will pile up the all silly works together and finally clean it up all together with extra efforts... so funny

chandannasta · Jul 2, 2012

Geetu for some of the things I also do the same at my house. My mom is 65 nw, but hats off to her she is so lovely even if she fights she cleans everything of my room. I juz love her so much. She always says jab teri biwi aayegi toh tereko maar maar ke samjayegi.

But you know when my mom is not well I do everthing right from cleaning the room till seeing after the maid and everything and get the whole house neat and clean. I juz have an idea for you for yr PL's juz leave all the mess in their room where they sleep on that bed only. Keep all the mess there and dont clean up for few days. After sometime they only themselves will do. when u pick the coffee tumbler keep it on their bed where they sleep. So in this way they will understand. After all you are not a maid. You are a bahu and even a bahu is a human being. So also you can hire a maid by paying her 2-3k and see that she cleans up everything.

geetu14384 · Jul 2, 2012

rkgurbani said: ↑

Habits die hard as they say. Am sure they must be watching you cleaning up the mess all the time. A good opportunity would be if any guests comment on the mess in the house, but for that we cant say which guest will open his or her mouth.

Speak to your DH and see what he says. Explain to them the benefits of a clean surrounding. Include good health in that. As you have rightly said, after all it is "their" house, so the best you can do is keep your bedroom clean as that is yours.
Click to expand...

hey rkgurbani thanks for your reply.... as u rightly said... the only thing that i do it with satissfaction is keeping my bedroom clean and neat..... they may change little by seeing my cleaning habits... but the change is very very very slow..... my MIL has seen me many times cleaning the kitchen and keeping it so clean..... once my DH's aunt , on seeing my kitchen asked me have i not cooked today.... that was a good compliment.... even after seeing a clean kitchen... my MIL will not cook with proper care....and will neither bother to clean it up again as it looked before.... within an hour again our kitchen becomes a mess...... what to do.... i will have to adjust no other go......