Wife unhappy

Op I don't think your cousin should go for divorce. As Srividya suggested go to a marriage counseller. She is lonely and has to learn how to deal with it. I am not in the US but in the middle east where it is not so difficult to adjust. But even after five years lonliness kills me though I am really not the outgoing types. Her English is also making her apphensive when it comes to making friends. She is frustrated.

 

Dear OP,
Please do't get upset about my presumptions. I am not saying that she had someone special , its just an suggestion.
Regarding the liberal discussions the couple have with each other , hope she is not upset with your pal's pre-marriage life?
There would have been no problems if the couple were so open and in tune with each other . Food for thought.

 

Since they are married for awhile, doesn't she talk to her parents regularly? Don't they have any clue? about how their daughter feels about life in US? Usually, moms are sharp and will figure out from the voice, how her D is doing in her married life?

I am bit surprised to know, the girl's parents have no clue? Usually, girls' parents know even before the marriage, 'how she would be handling the marriage' - she can cope up a marriage life in a foreign land or not?

This girl doesn't have any maturity, as if she is from another planet. Don't her mom teach something about the married life? If she is closer to cousins, does she know something about marriage and what to expect or at least know how to behave? I think, they waited too long, to inform their parents.

 

FL I am tired of hearing this particular statement....gone are those days......there was craze for NRIs a while back.....may be people from corner cities or villages may be still interested or feel dream come true!!!! but not for many......and many of the girls/their parents also know that jobs here are not as stable as jobs in India and life style changes will be there and to top it all.....anyone can go back to India anytime!!! no guranteee that people will settle down here as they planned initially.

So lets come out of this particular cloud of thought that its a girls dream!!!! girls dream is a loving husband, who is financially secure(so that he doenst make her run to her parents for money everytime!!! though this happens with well settled men too) and who respects her and understands that she too has dreams and plans for life. basically many parents think that a man who is settled abroad may have good education and good outlook and as he has seen teh world willhave more experience to handle any silly n complex issues in marriage....thats the reason even parents opt it...(last but not least..MAJOR REASON our fav. one....FARRRR FROM INLAWS). these are the reasons...but really NRI husband is not the dream of many women and if someone offers a woman a husband in India and inlaws in US, am sure many many will come forward......honestly this is one way of DILs trying to avoid clashes and inlaws issues.

 

I agree. I guess it must be even harder for a man to call 911 that it is for a woman because he is perceived as the stronger sex. It's hard for me to imagine the scenario because I don't know anyone in this kind of issue. I was just wondering if the wife raises her sandal to beat him, why can't the man hold her wrist and wring the sandal out of her hand? If I imagine myself raising a sandal(even the thought is ridiculous), I can easily see my DH taking the sandal from me and may be restraining me without causing me any harm.

 

Hi,
I wonder how your cousin being male is sitting quite without hurting her.. Throwing house hold things etc out of anger is quite abnormal.. She should learn to adjust..
Ask your cousin to tell his wife that "he would divorce or complain to cops if the behaviour continues"...Ask him to take her to psycology doctor and give some medicines. If he wants this relation to sustain

 

You know that is the exact reason why such women get away with what they do...because these men are decent and beleive in no abuse. ...some how I feel he too thought she will calm down and that calm down thing never happened....and to top it, if we utter 911 or cops infront of such people, who knows if she harms herself and calls cops and complains on this guy!!!!

I know a guy, who took abuse from his inlaws because they came to US for their daughters delivery and gave hell to the SNIL to an extent that they threatened the SNIL to be put behind bars...guess why??? the guy asked them to share the chores as his wife i.e their daughter jsut had delivery and when he goes to work he wanted them to take care of her...and these so called parents were not even offering her a glass of milk....when he started giving them time table an dlist of chores etc, they got super duper angry...funniest thing...was...the father of the wife, called SNIL who was in the hospital and started shouting that we came to US to enjoy not to serve you or not to work in your house I dont know how even the daughters keep quiet in such situation..has it been a MIL will this woman keep quiet??? she would have screamed her lungs out!!!

no idea what the daughter told them when she had sent air tickets to her parents. (agreed they are not servants..but she is their daughter also right???)

situation right now in marriages is...eat or be eaten kinds!!!!! if a woman is soft n sober, man makes her life hell...if a man is soft n sober and considerate, women makes his life hell....sad part is the hell making spouses never marry each other I guess ) (though the good spouses types do marry the same types and there are such happy families