Wife unhappy

Hi Indusladies,

I am a guy and I am going to post a problem a cousin of mine is facing regarding his marriage. I know I may not exactly belong here but I didn't knew where else I can discuss issue.

My cousin, who works in Boston, got married a year ago and brought his wife to US along with him. Cousin took care of his wife very nicely. He is a soft spoken person and never even raises his voice. I visited him 2 times in last one year and they seemed very happy on surface.

However, the wife actually came from a little well to to family. She has always enjoyed a royal lifestyle throughout her childhood and never knew boredom or loneliness. My cousin has almost regularly talked to me on phone about how unhappy his wife is after coming to US. His wife was brought up in india with lot of pampering with always her cousins and friends around her. Here in US she began to feel lonely once husband goes to work.

Gradually boredom began to lead to irritation and more depression. Later we also came to know from her cousins that she is extremely short tempered and very difficult person.

Here are few points that my cousin narrated to me:
1. Cousin went to florida for vacation after wife came to USA. There on the night of some occassion he forgot to offer her flowers. She started fight and later ran outside hotel towards beech. He had to grab and pull away before she threw herself into sea.
1. She frequently gets angry over every small issue and starts throwing and breaking everything in home (like kitchen stuff, phones etc). Cousin already replaced 4 cell phones for her.
2. On her birthday, my cousin arranged a cake cutting party at midnight, but next day he went to office for half day. For that she started fighting again and ran out of the house. Cousin followed her and brought her back after she calmed down.
3. During anivesary, cousin took her to new jersey and booked a resort for 2 days. But she didn't like the place and started quarelling right in the hotel. After great deal of persuation she calmed down. She also beat him up with her sandle.

There are many more such incidents where wife has lost temper apparently for small mistakes. My cousin has suffered very badly because of that. He couldn't concentrate on job and had to change 2 contracts in one year. He had also lost lot of money to entertain her. Beating and fights at home are so common that my cousin lost the count of number of times he was beaten up. Once her quarreling so bad that neighbors complained to police. Police gave a warning and left.

She never apologies for her anger and during fights she uses extremely filthy language that my cousin wouldn't even share with me.

Now my cousin is extremely confused as to what to do now. He and his wife both know they are not happy together and separation is only option. But as we know divorce is a very big thing in India. Especially my cousin comes from a simple middle class family with traditional values. Some times he does say that his wife promises to behave well in future. But over the year she has made such promises numerous times but things never changed.

On once side he does want to break up but he is afraid of stigma that it will bring to girl's family. My cousin has still love for his wife and he feels partly guilty for marrying her and bringing her to US. He has shared his problem with me and some of his male friends but we would really like to know what women would think of him in this situation.

Please give your suggestions on what to do. Your opinions will be important as we haven't shared this problem any women so far.

Thanks and regards,
xxxx

 

Thanks Srividya and everyone for taking time to repond.
Answering your questions:
1. Yes, she is the only daughter of her parents. Born and brought up in a pretty well to do family. Their extended family has over a dozen of causins who are also well off. These causins, esp girls all grew up with lots of fun in childhood. In her college too she had a whole team of boyz running after her and always made her feel like princess. From the language of my cousin, "She is a perfect example of bad parenting".

2. Cousins are not baddies here. Most of them are US based and are good friends and well wishers. Before marriage nobody talked ill about her. Everybody praised her saying she is our princess and we are handing it over to you. They never bad mouthed her in front of her. One of her causin is a neighbor and saw her throwing tamtrums. Thats when he politely describes her as short tempered (but not in front of her).

3. Why she gets so angry quicky? My cousin says its because she hates her married life in US. Her expectations from marriage were all very different. She wanted a very funny and pampering kind of husband. My cousin is a little studious and reserved kind of person. In fact he is btech from the best college in India which carries world famous brand. Thats the main reason rich parents came forward for this wedding proposal.
She got furious on the day of her birthday because husband went to office. He didn't promise anything. He just couldn't understand what she wanted. Once he came back by afternoon, she began to fight saying that she has never been alone in her birthday. Every birthday of hers as at least dozens of people at her house. This time only husband and few of his friends were present at midnight. Later the day she hasn't seen anyone apart from husband. This made her feel very bad.

My cousin has pretty tried everything to keep her busy like joining her to gym, offering her to join any computer course (which she refused). She went to gym for few days but she didn't like it either. Her main problem from what I understand is lack of indian environment she had enjoyed in India. In India she was a like queen. Everyday when she gets up in the morning, only thing she has to do is ask her driver to take her in car to any place she liked, watch movies, visit friends, cousins, go shopping etc etc. Here she hasn't learned driving, she has no place to go and pretty tied down on money side too. All this I believe has resulted in enormous frustration and she is taking that out on her husband.

Its true that there is no money issue involved here, but this girl is also unhappy that she got married into such middle class family. By middle class standards, my cousin has offered her more than anything he has himself enjoyed. Like you said, got new apartment, big TV, frequent trips to holiday destinations etc etc... But that is not keeping her happy has she is missing her environment.

 

A year and a half.

 

I can ask him to do that. On getting a job, its pretty much a hopeless situation. She does have a degree but we all know how seriously some people take their studies in India. She can't even properly communicate in english, leave doing a job.

 

She has no permit. She is on H4. But thats a good suggestion, there will some Indian stores who can employ. Its just needs some convincing.