1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Why Indian kids don't like to eat while American kids LOVE to eat???

Discussion in 'Baby / Kids Foods' started by Quest95119, Sep 23, 2011.

  1. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,776
    Likes Received:
    82
    Trophy Points:
    135
    Gender:
    Female
    i might sound incoherent here but wanted to put down my thoughts before it evaporates:) i believe that when i grew up (in those olden days) our choices were very limited. we never had ... i'm talking about regular middle class families who stuck to their own regional cuisine, handed-down recipes and nothing exotic... any kind of snacks, cakes etc., etc., as our children have access to these days. no one is to be blamed... it's all part of globalisation and everything else. that said also our generation, in particular, is through major changes everywhere including parenting. there are many many parents in India as well, even those who have never lived abroad, changing many aspects of parenting and jumping out of the comfort zones. did we ever talk so much about parenting then? i don't think so. change is coming but in a culture bound and norms bound society like India, it'll take some time. may be a minority of them do so out of the 'western' tag attached to it but i believe a lot others do it because they understand that whatever worked very well for their parents (as in when raising children) does not work these days. every culture has its own pros and cons. it's highly upon an individual to be proud about the nuances of his/her own roots and at the same time be open to the goodness that other cultures offer or simply ape the western life style!
     
    3 people like this.
  2. Kamala08

    Kamala08 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    (Traveller - Couldn't agree more with what you said. The new generation of mothers is exposed to so much information on parenting (NOT suggesting that it’s a bad thing!)...we are creating our own hybrid version of parenting style. Yes we should take the best of both worlds. But we tend to leave behind the time tested parenting norms. There is so much to discuss on this...but in doing so...I would be digressing from the current topic.)
    My 2 cents on why Indian kids don't eat while the kids from other (western) cultures do. Its part cultural and part parenting style. May be because our Indian civilization survived so many famines and food shortages...food became such an integral part of our culture. Serving food is showing love! And babies and toddlers refusing food and moms coax ing them to eat is expected! We all heard of the story of (toddler) Rama refusing food until his parents got him the moon and how his mom cleverly brought a mirror and showed him the moon's reflection! Some of our childhood rhymes and folk songs are centered on feeding!
    Coming to parenting styles - We should realize that forcing a kid to eat doesn't work. In my experience it is counter productive. How would we feel if someone is trying to stuff food into our mouths when we don't want it? I believe kids are intelligent beings and deserve some respect. I am a big fan of 20 minute rule. No interest shown or acting stubborn? Food goes away. (I try to give her fruit or nuts or yogurt that I KNOW my kid would eat and call it quits. NO MORE food later.)
    In terms of what we feed our kids...I want to extend what Traveller was suggesting (I think! : ) ). We are moving from our comfort regional cuisines when it comes to feeding our toddlers. It is said that the baby’s taste preferences match the food the mom eats when she was pregnant…especially the final few weeks. That is why even kids adopted into totally different cultures gravitate towards the biological mother’s choice of cuisine. I noticed that with my toddler. Her food preferences match mine (spicy and tangy). No wonder she protested when I tried to feed her the mild Gerber puree foods! My toddler goes to a regular (American) daycare. We are vegetarians and she gets the fake meat stuff. Sometimes she eats and most of the time she doesn’t. She sticks to veggies and fruit and yogurt. I don’t blame her! Some of her teachers who are vegetarians tell me that THEY don’t find that food appetizing. So can’t blame my little one. I wouldn’t eat tasteless fare. Would you? Well…if I am very hungry…I might. My toddler will too. But it’s her decision.
    And finally the feeding part – I could be wrong…but most of the grown up’s dinner time is before T.V. From what I have seen…we tend to get done with our kid’s dinner and then land ourselves with our dinner plate in front of the T.V. We all deserve a break after a hectic day right? If we do this….how will our kids learn to self feed themselves at the table? I think if we do family (table) dinner…it gives an excellent opportunity for the kids to learn to feed themselves…instead of putting them at the table and watching every spoon that may or may not make it into their mouth. I don’t claim that we do family dinners everyday…but seriously giving it a try.

    K
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. Confused211

    Confused211 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,465
    Likes Received:
    164
    Trophy Points:
    128
    Gender:
    Female
    Quest, I don't think it has anything to do with getting Westernized. Just what one believes is right. My mother once let me not drink milk for the entire day (gasp) because I was demanding for a bottle. The 2nd or 3rd day, I took a glass to her, asking for milk.

    Also, I feel that a lot of our food isn't self-feeding friendly. DD started to learn self-feeding rice, but now wants to be fed for which I blame my husband partly, but I didn't realize it at the time either, so can't blame him entirely.
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    7,302
    Likes Received:
    957
    Trophy Points:
    270
    Gender:
    Female

    Tina

    in defense of American moms (by the way I am an Indian :), I have to say we Indian moms actually make kids as CENTER OF OUR LIFE....and pass timew ith our kids and basically MANY indian women lack personal life or personal time only for this reason called OVER SHOWRING LOVE n ATTENtion to kids, which infact makes kids less independant...I know our culture is different..but many Indian moms complain about lack of time for personal grooming or learning etc...because we fail to understand our importance and well being and put kid first...sometimes this over nature actually does harm than helping... (just like not having patience with kids is not going to do any good for american moms, same goes with Indian moms, too much patience will make the kid stubborn and less stimulated to learn things)

    Dont want to divert thsi thread to relationship issues..but isnt this one more reason why women feel less confident and have low self esteem.....Indian women identify themselves either with their husband/kids/with parents/siblings...never want to have a separate life atleast with couple of interests/hobbies..and we go back n complain about not having time:)

    I have to agree that there are Indian women who do follow some strict principles and teach their kids....to learn and be independant...but still lot more to go to that level.
     
    6 people like this.
  5. Kamala08

    Kamala08 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    SriVidya - VERY well put! I believe Happy moms = Happy...well adjusted kids!
     
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2011
  6. Ranchu

    Ranchu Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,904
    Likes Received:
    9,010
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Amen to this ! Agree with you totally, but practically am unable to follow this myself . :(

    Am a new mom to a 6month old. When I was pregnant I had a strong mind that I wont let go of my personal time by pampering my kid. I should have my own hobbies and ladies get-together etc..
    I did train my DH to baby-sit while am out. However my mom-Gene is overtaking now.
    I compromise on my pedicure time to play with LO.
    Can you believe I havent cut my hair since 8 months ? I feel am missing out moments with LO and he is growing up fast..

    Even though my brain says be a Strong-Woman, my heart goes out for my LO.
    Easy to say , but Its tough !
     
  7. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,474
    Likes Received:
    3,125
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Forcing the kids to eat...by any method....after sometime they develop a kind of repulsion for food.Not only food, in anything.
    The timer for 30 minutes for meal and 20 minutes for breakfast works very well. The child wants to beat the timer. I am telling it by experience. small timers are available in market...set it for 30 minutes and keep it in front of the child..after 20 minutes it makes a beep...child finishes eating. She jumps with joy...!I beat the timer by 7 minutes, 8 minutes. In three days...the whole thing is set right and no problems. So, all the young moms, try this.
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. mehaanu

    mehaanu New IL'ite

    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Let me warn you that its a very looong post …I have tried to make it exhaustive… from one mother to another :)
    My background :
    I shifted to USA from India 2 years back… I have a son 5 years old who embodies the definition of PICKY EATER … He eats only white rice, white mac and cheese, white plain dosa, white noodles and white cheese pizza to the extent that he used to ask us to remove the red sauce from the pizza ! As an infant he did not eat any khichdi or dal rice if he saw a black thing whether its jeera or rai !
    He proudly says I don’t like Indian food to my horrified face …. I know that I made him like that to some extent ….This is how…


    1. I used to trick him into eating…. distract with toys and books..sometimes tv… shove spoonfuls of dal rice in his mouth when he wasn’t looking
    2. When he said his stomach is full I pushed him to have one more morsel
    3. I used to hate his meal time because it was battle time … now I realise he hated it too…
    4. I played with him only during meal times so he wanted to extend the meal time…
    5. The responsibility of feeding him was always mine… I used whatever I could to put food in his stomach to the extent that I scared him with wolves and policemen to get him to eat !
    6. I had enough and more number of people in India telling me that I was not doing enough…. your son looks patla (thin) …. he looks dull…
    Now, I have a daughter who is 10 months old and I decided to feed her the American way… You know whats the result ?… As of now.,..she eats every damn food…and I hope it continues… this is what I did

    1. Food is not a big issue any more… I have already seen the worst… So she eats at meal time which is generally a gap of 3 hours..basically when I know she is hungry or when I put her in her high chair and she doesn’t protest….
    2. I give her morsels from my plate in her high chair table which she eats on her own…she eats in the real Ayurvedic way of exploring the texture, color, smell, taste and eating at peace without anyone staring down her shoulder…. When she stops eating and starts throwing, I stop giving her the bites…
    3. I let her mash the steamed vegetables in her hand ….she makes a huge mess but I know that this is a smaller problem than u know what….. :)
    4. I try to give her more food from my plate rather than ready food so she doesn’t grow up thinking she is meant to have different food….
    5. The responsibility of feeding her is her’s…not mine… my responsibility is only giving her the food….
      I have not killed her curiosity about things …I have used it to get her to try new foods….no force feeding at all….
    Changes I made with my son now…

    1. I made peace with the fact that he doesn’t like Indian food… He doesn’t even like its aroma… !
    2. If he eats plain rice so be it… so everyday his lunch is cucumber, plain rice with lots of ghee as he loves ghee and curd….
    3. If he is playing and I am eating , i ask him to join me… he is busy playing…so I say “do u want to play for 5 min and then join me ?”…he says “no ten min”… So I set the timer for ten minutes and go and start eating…When the timer rings he either joins me or continues playing…I don’t force him to join me.. I eat my food and start doing other work…He comes to me half an hour later as he is hungry… I tell him food is on the table but i am busy so he can help himself….He does that….. But i don’t get him to eat food he does’nt like by keeping him hungry …its always food that he likes…
    4. For dinner I am changing the dinner to American, Italian, Mexican for all of us…. I am discovering it is much easier…
    5. I started looking at food as protein, grain, dairy, fruits and veggies and not dal rice etc…. so i try to give him an egg a day for protein, rice for grain, one fruit (generally in a box when he is travelling for any activity) , cucumber in veggies and milk for dairy… this way he is happy and so am I…
    6. Meal time is relaxed and fun time…not a stress time for anyone…
    7. The responsibility of feeding him is HIS and not mine… I just give him food options which always include one thing that he likes….
    8. If he doesn’t want to eat dinner, there is always toast and crackers for him…
    9. I always try to be well rested because I find I lose my temper over food very easily when i am tired…
    Believe me, looking at your child enjoying his food (whatever it is) and relishing it , is a supreme JOY !
    Its better to have the wrong food with the right attitude rather than the right food with the wrong attitude..
    Do share this with people who can learn from my experience…
    I will love to know your views too…
    Till then Enjoy your child… :)
     
    5 people like this.
  9. SilverNGold

    SilverNGold Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    27
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    I am an ABCD SAHM mom and my husband was raised in India. I have always followed the American way of feeding my daugher. She was completely independent with food by 16 months and she is now 4 and enjoys mealtimes. She has a set routine with both meals and bedtime. She is asleep by 8:30 most nights and we have set breakfast, lunch, and dinner times with half an hour for each meal. She eats because she wants to and enjoys the food not because I'm coaxing her to! Sometimes, she'll just nibble on her food for half an hour. Other times, she'll wolf down an entire sandwich and ask for more fruits. I respect her likes and dislikes and serve her what she likes. If she doesn't "finish" her food, I'm like "Elsa" from Frozen and "let it go, let it go!" (Frozen is her favorite movie but I would never use it to distract or bribe her to eat more than she feels like).

    She is in the 43th percentile for height and 19th for weight. She is small framed and I accept her stature as it is rather than try make her "fat". She is healthy, active, and in good spirits.

    My in laws visited from India in summer of 2013 and scolded me for not making her finish her food and "letting her go hungry" and also for making her go to bed so early! They tried to run behind her and coax more food into her mouth and bribe her with TV. They tried to keep her up later. I told my husband that if they kept interfering with my parenting, they won't be allowed to come and stay with us again. They are coming back again this summer and we'll see how things go this time now that my daughter is older.

    I do believe there is a certain percentage of children who may have inborn feeding disorders but it's rather low and maybe 1-2 percent of all children. This is in children of all races; not specifically Indian. In those cases, medical intervention and "feeding therapy" may be warranted. If your kid is not eating like you'd like him or her to, I'd advice talking to your pediatrician. My guess is that in 80-90 percent of "typical" Desi feeding problems would be resolved if the parents would just relax and follow a schedule. I've seen cases where parents hand feed their elementary school aged kids while they play video games, using the video games as a "bribe" to get the kid to eat. I also think kids are very smart and can sense how tense their parents are in feeding them.
     
    3 people like this.

Share This Page