Is my request right or wrong?

Hi Kirti priya,

suppose if ur inlaws doesnt like u, it doesnt mean they dont like ur son.. they hav the right to give love to ur son.. it is same with ur hubbys sister...I personally dont like such sort of distancing..but u can keep ur son under control of not to listen to ur hubbys sister if u feel she is extremely mean minded

 

Hi, the problem is between the elders... I don't think it is right to grow our children by tellin them all tht n also grow hatred in their minds... Ur child should grow with love n affection.... He should know to share love n he also has to get it from his grandma n aunt... Please keep ur problems away from ur son... JMO...

 

HI Kirtipriya..

U r reasoning and fear is understandable. But to run the bitterness down to the kids may not be the right thing to do. Let the child take his/her own decisions and make his/her own judgements. You can tell ur SIL - very curtly- you dont quite like it, and that she should not talk to your child against you.

You could be diplomatic, and trying to keep the child away from a person who can be a bad influence, and you have every right to do that.! But i wouldnt suggest dont make it obvious to the kid. I wouldnt suggest explicilty telling your child not to talk to someone.

My point is, i wouldnt let the innocent mind of a child question these dirty politics that we are dragged into with no choice. Let us do the dirty job.. and let the kids stay pure..

 

The problem is between you and the other person, not between your child and the person, I would say your request is wrong .

 

Could you tell us why you dont want your sister in law to talk to your son.. Without knowing this reason it is hard for anyone to say whether your request is right or wrong.

 

OP,
Many people have just given their views. Some say it is right and others say it is wrong. I was also in a similar dilemma sometime back, but i choose to not let my son interact much with my in-laws. I never spoke bluntly but kind of made it obvious to them.

Here's the reason --> Firstly my in-laws see my son as my son and not as their grandson. Secondly, they deliberately try to put my son in dangerous situations and then shrug off their shoulders as though nothing happened. When i try to discipline my son, they interfere and dont let me discipline him. Recently my son was diagnosed with adhd and had some trouble in school, my in laws were so happy about it that they kept spreading the message like wildfire.
For the above reasons, I choose to cut my son's contact from them. So I dont see anything beneficial out of letting them shower their fake love on my son. My son is my responsibility. I need to protect him from such vicious people. My son is too young to even understand that politics. Hopefully when he grows older he understands why i choose to keep him away from such people.

 

Kirti ,
You are in a tough situation and hurting. Why make your son a pawn ? A 15 year old knows what is right and wrong and he has also been seeing all the turmoil. Children are very observant and can feel underconcurrents .
Dont fear he will side with you and will stand by you later too.
Better pick your battles and let things run their own course, with time and circumstances lots of things improve.
After staying in the marriage for various reasons for so long be kind to yourself and let go.
If its possible distance yourself from all the bitterness and find peace.
One cannot change others but can bring positive changes in ourselves. Long time bitterness has a bad effect on ones health.
Make life easy for your kid or he will be influenced for life.He must be in IX std ,as a teenager has to battle his problems, dont add to them.
Think of his future and not SIL etc.
PS I will read your other thread too.