MIL wants to come during & post pregnancy

Thank you, my only solution for my peace is to have another child and enjoy my pregnancy without them. It is just so hard to convince my DH for 2nd child as doc could nto figure out what went wrong with me in spite of healthy pregnancy...he is not ready to take risk....i think this will never find closure....thanks for your wishes!

 

it is good tp preare in advance so you are on the right path. AS you have mentioned you and your husband can manage everything and u have aid in the home, i do not think it is required an elder to be around, while in india there are some customs and some way of doign things are scientific, most of it is 'old wives tales'. and science is so much advanced, doc will tell you all u need to know. So you will be just fine without elder people around, i totally agree that when MIl would be therem u will have lots of constraints and u can not relax.

so just follow books ('what to expect when you are expecting' is Gita ) and what ur doc says, u do not have to have elders around

 

Rather than "elders" I would say that it helps to have someone around-someone that YOU are comfortable with. Your mom, sister, or some other female relative/friend/nanny who you are at ease with. In my case, post-delivery I used to be extremely hungry most of the time and it helped to have my mom with me as she used to fix small meals and snacks, prepare Horlicks etc. whenever I wanted. I could also sleep whenever my baby permitted me to, take a shower late into the day and stuff. I feel that the first 1-2 months after delivery are when you might really need help as the baby's eating/sleeping schedules are usually erratic and unpredictable. You and DH might be worn out if you try to manage alone (more so with DH's work).

Having an elder that you are not comfortable with could be disastrous as they might be more concerned about customs, what you should do etc. instead of helping you relax.

That said, some of these customs are not all foolish, and the elders might have some valid advice for you.
One more thing, remember that women staying outside of India manage with minimum help and sometimes are left to handle it with DH's support alone. So it is not impossible, but it is good to use the help that you can get.

 

Swetha,

Having your MIL during pregnancy in the name of care-taker is completely waste. It would spoil ur time, energy, peace and relationship with husband.

My in-laws came to my house during my 40th day of pregnancy i.e. as soon as we informed them the good news, the very next day they were here in the name of assisting me. She asked me not to do any work and take complete rest for one month. So I thought every gal would feel like a princess during pregnancy and I took complete rest without doing any house-hold works. Suddenly after one month she started crying because I am not helping her in any works. She says that she got BP and lost weight coz of me.

I tried my best to convince her saying that I would start helping her. But she came up with different problems every day and spoiled my peace. Then I started doing all works which added burden for me. She hates if I go out with my husband. Fearing for his mom, he never takes me outside. So my four months of pregnancy went like jail life with mind stress. 5th month i went to my mom's place wher I felt like heaven. Now I am in 7th month and came back to jail. I hate talking to her and I am living in this house like a refugee.

If she had not come here in the name of help, I would have appointed a maid and spent some quality time with my husband. Now she is spoiling my happy days of pregnancy.

I am not telling you this to threaten or provoke any negative thoughts in you. The real face is no MIL will be really helpful in this world. Especially when you are pregnancy and when ur husband shows u more love and care, MIL will bcom possessive and give u more problems. This is universal.

Better appoint a maid for household works. Ur pregnancy period will be happy.

Thanks for giving me a chance to reduce my burden by opening my heart

 

To answer your question if you really need elders during that phase, is mostly no when you have fulltime domestic help. the only need might come when you deliver newly and are trying to adjust with the newborn, it might be very overwhelming, so any words of warmth, guidance about how to handle and feed your baby, bathe the new born after x no.of days, as per your custom might be few things you might want guidance. Also, mainly for you after delivery, no stress should be there, as stress directly affects your milk flow, for the baby. sorry to be blunt honest. but having gone through a nightmare myself, i want to point out the big points of impact having inlaws around. also many moms can guide you with foods esplly for postpartum women to recover soon and also generate more healthy food for baby. you can get those tips. one main thing is about sleep, since you would be sleep deprived mostly during nights and even during day, better to have someone who can takecare of the baby whenever you want to sleep. this was one main thing tht i was totally deprived of having inlaws, who would have afternoon nap on time, while i had to take care of the baby the whole afternoon when they sleep and be awake during nights aswell.....so plan well.....dont worry what ur MIL will think or create fuss....its ur precious time...

 

to anamika
no i mean you can be careful while taking any other decisions also in future where inlaws are involved..good luck and try to forget inlaw crap, i am myself suffering a lot

 

Dear friend,

If ur mil wants to come ,then u cant say no to her.But be smart in handling the situation.during ur pregnancy u need to take care of urself and u need to relax.U should avoid all kinds of tesions and stress,which is not going to happen if ur mil is around.u want u husband to be caring and spend time with u .This will be cut if ur mil stays with u.During and after delivery u need u mom to be around.this will make u feel more safe and comfortable.I would suggest u to bring in ur mom .Let her be with u for 3 -4 months.Then u can call ur mil.You gotto tell ur husband about this in a polite way.don't get into arguements.Don't tell ur mom should not come...,
tell him if mil comes after 3 months that time I can take care of her.I would come back to normal.She will not be having any household chores to do.she can spend time with the baby and be relaxed.

Hope everything works fine.Take care.

 

Never allow the in laws to be with you after the baby is born. My daughter had a baby recently and I was there for the first few days, then the mil came and I left thinking she would take good care of my daughter and the baby. But she was dominating and caused problems. Luckily her husband supported her and knew his mother's nature. I wonder why most mils are so bad.

 

More than waht others think its important for the mother and baby to be comfortable. Do what you feel best and not give into what your in-laws say.

 

I can understand your dilemma. Its the same here. Infact we are a joint family. This question is asked atleast twice a day. Every time I get my menses, my MIL makes a face. Worst of all she asked me today if we use condoms or take pills. Its so embarassing. I am not free to talk to my parents also about this. Forget speaking to MIL. :bowdown