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Dowry -Share your Personal Experiences

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Swashika, Jul 8, 2011.

  1. meerajesh59

    meerajesh59 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Swashi. Morethan than, My DH is the wonderful gift from from them.
     
  2. diamondcam

    diamondcam New IL'ite

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    Hi all!

    My parents are in the midst of seeking alliances for me. However I had laid strict conditions for my wedding. I would like to hear if I am doing the right or wrong from you.

    Firstly, groom should be from a good background e.g. education, university, income.

    He should be decent looking. I'm not looking for the most handsome looking guy, someone whom i am attracted to should be fine.

    He should not ask for horoscope matching. Silly superstitions make me go sleepless at nights. I dont want to give fuel to such predictions

    He should not ask for dowry. I feel strongly against giving dowry as I feel like I am buying a husband and rating my love with money. I will be absolutely loyal to him and does that have to have a price tag attached to it?

    He should be more educated and earning more than me. I think of it in the sense that we can have a stable life when both are working and if at any time i have to stay home to take care of my kids, I should have a income stability to bang on.

    He really should care for me and love me a lot before and after marriage. I'm not the kind to fall for flowers, jewellery, clothes and expensive gifts. But sweet words and encouragements make me truly feel blessed.

    Am i asking for too much in this era?
     
  3. amsu

    amsu Bronze IL'ite

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    Swashika

    you got very nice Inlaws

    i also got a very kind and caring MLW,
    she didn't ask anything from us

    my DH husband also didn't ask about dowry

    he told to me i will buy for you

    but one small sad is my FLW is passed away before my marriage arrangement

    he is also a very kind person(my DH told to me)

    DH told to me if he is now alive he will take care you like his daughter,

    my MLW treat me like her daughter myself also love like my mother


    really i got a mother not mother in law

    thank you for starting this form:thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup

    amsu
     
  4. Manonmaniraja

    Manonmaniraja New IL'ite

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    Hi Gaja??........whats your opinion?
     
  5. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    You r right Meena... what more do u want...
     
  6. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    Hi diamondcan,

    happy to know ur going to wedlock soon.... Congrats in Advance...

    Sorry for the late reply...

    Yours in not a big demand.. Really necessary only..

    We always cannot judge or no our finacees befor marriage unless we have along time before wedding...

    What i feel is place ur demands and wishes to ur parents and let them to find a guy with such qualities..

    its always not possible to get a guy as u expect..

    So my personal advice to u is love ur hubby abunduntly without expecting anything in return.. that will solve most of ur problems..

    Next important is no ego at all.. always dont wait for ur hubby to take the 1st step... u can also initiate..

    Next is be it ur mistake or not tell a sorry.. It will end up the problem immediately..

    regarding dowry i think u will have to make it clear to them before getting to the next step thats the engagement..

    hope u will get a real good and affectionate husband as soon as poosible..

    Good luck..
     
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  7. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    Hi amsu..

    Thanks for posting ur experience...

    Its nice to know u too have a lovely MIL...

    thats pity about ur FIL..

    Though my MIL is not in good terms with me she didnt ask for dowry...

    Other than that all MIL DIL problems are there in our home...

    Ur MIL is really sweet and treating u like her daughter.. thats the best of all...

    have a great life ....
     
  8. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Swashika,
    Very good thread...When I got married I didnt worry much about dowry as at that time dowry meant equal sharing of marriage expenses in our community...My dh lost parents when he was very young so all formalties were completed between his brothers and relatives he wanted just to share marriage expenses so I cant call what was expended in my marriage as dowry in todays lingo.......
    Now in our community as well I have seen dowry demon is raising head which is very sad thing...
     
  9. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Vjbunny,

    You have had a different experience but a good dowry experience..

    If it was ur community culture to share the expenses its good i feel.. Because these days ppl take dowry and also ask to share the expenses too may like the marriage hall or food..

    yes as u said most of them demand dowry just because their sons are in good job. Also to show the status mainly..

    These days Girls too work. so its not fair to ask dowry. The girl also spends so much for education and also to get a job.. Its the same way like a guy.

    If the girls i mean the bride react to this may be we will get a solution to this dowry problems..

    Thanks for ur post.
     
  10. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    :) nice to hear the experiences so far...
    Apart from those who clearly want and those who don't there's another conditionally confused category ppl best described by this piece of mail direct from the horse's mouth:

    .............
    2) We are accused of harassing her as we did not get any dowry. I would like to refresh your memory that we were least interested in having any dowry and this was a “no demands” marriage. We are confused as to why every now and then these false allegations are made against us. We would also like to understand what form of harassment we are subjecting your daughter to.
    3) We are accused of harassment simply because an insignificant amount of money was spent by you during the marriage. I am not sure how a person can celebrate a marriage function, yet not spend any money. Since your son is getting married in a few months from now, perhaps you can educate us on the same with his example. In any case, just to show that our intentions are honorable, we would be reimbursing the amount you spent on your daughter’s marriage and engagement.
    .................

    These stamtements particularly made even after choosing city, venue, decorations, menu, clothes by self.
    There are all type of ppl around and pretty difficult are the ones with unclear Conscience.
     

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