Lazy Husband or what?????????

SPIDEY - are you insinuating here that just because a woman is a home-maker she is not supposed to expect any household help from dh?

knowing you (from your posts), I suspect this is not what you meant, but please do clarify.

 

So neha before baby he helps you..listen to your words..
Do your lifestyle changes after your baby..like not going out frequently,meeting friends,love life..etc..try to find if he is expecting anything from you as you where used to do before baby..

 

No pooja, I did not mean that. I am trying to guess a reason why he may be having certain expectations on that. I am not trying to say he is right. But I have come across situations like that. So, I am trying to guess and ask her questions to clarify.

If there is a reason like that, then neha should talk to her H about that, and maybe tell him what she is up against - and being a homemaker is not easy.
He may think that he is doing a lot of work at office, so she should take care of all the home side. This wont get solved unless they talk about such concerns (if it is a concern for him, I dont know her H, so I cant say for sure if it is an issue or not - thats why I'm asking her).

That said, she should also reflect if she is being efficient with the time she is having at home - some amount of self reflection on can she do things a bit differently to be more effective with the time on hand.

That way they can meet each other half way and come to some solution on what he can do better, and what she can do better. Ultimately, both H and W are responsible for life as a whole (home, finances, kids, etc) - the split on who takes care of what and how much varies from home to home.


This is clearly an expectation mismatch of some sort that is going on. Wont resolve unless they communicate.

 

The answer is - you do not do ALL the chores ... I feel it all depends on how you handle things during the initial days of your marriage. Many women like doing everything for their husbands when they are newly weds. The like to pamper their husband and slowly but steadily this becomes an expectation. Then all of a sudden they expect things to change after they have more responsibilites (work, kids etc.) and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it provided your husband is reasonable. Most Indian men feel its a FAVOR if they help their wives and its not their DUTY.

As someone else mentioned earlier, do what you can do. Prepare meals for your kids and if your husband expects lunch/dinner/snack on time he has to wait. When you guys are getting ready to go out you do it at your pace. If you are late twice then the third time he will know better than to sit and not help. Same goes for laundry and other chores. Just do what you can do and leave the rest.

I like your approach of being cool as a duck on the top. Don't let him see you sweat.

 

Neha:
From my observation of men in marriages over my lifetime, ALL men from anywhere when they are first married are dopes. (Yes, Spidey my bet even YOU.) It takes unfortunately some years to break them in. Interestingly there is a theory with American women that divorced guys can be better in relationships because some other woman has broken him in.

Change: I don't think you can pin it on Indian men solely....it's just men.

 

Me and DW are still dopes Tina :biglaugh
Its not just exclusive for men, a few years in college - can make men and women dopes :biglaugh Unlearning college campuslife takes a lifetime ROFL

 

It is possible as a reason, neha, but I cannot be sure since I dont know enough about your H. Does he tell you that you 'waste time', or 'are not efficient in how you manage time and work'? Has he talked to you about a job? or things like "I have to work hard at office, what do you do at home all day?" Those are clues, but best will be to discuss with him since only he knows what he's thinking or complaining about.